Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think he might say yes.

57 replies

Funnytime · 21/02/2018 22:37

Help - AIBU to think that the following signs indicate that asking him out is likely to not result in a humiliating rejection.

He’s single and is struggling to meet someone online.

He talkes about my personality positively and tells me never to change.

He tells me that I’m important to him and that I make him happier with his life.

He texts and calls most days.

He makes excuses to spend time with me and will hang around my friends until I arrive.

Smiles at me and we laugh lots.

He has told me that I’m stunning/ look great etc.

My friends say they’ve caught him checking me out Blush

BUT - he has never ever asked me out!! I want to ask him, but if he liked me, wouldn’t he ask me.

OP posts:
Tistheseason17 · 24/02/2018 19:16

I wouldn't rule him out.
He may also have low self esteem.
My hubby had no idea I fancied him whilst he fancied me. Well over a year this went on. To this day he would still not have ever asked me out for fear of rejection. He's never asked a girl out.
I took the gamble and asked him (no one would know if he said no!) and now we have been together 15 yrs.
Don't let someone else ask him out and get him.

Worst he can say is, "no, I don't see you that way" and you respond with, "well direct me to one of your mates who you think is worthy of me as you know I am so cool" :)

Original poster
Funnytime · 24/02/2018 19:59

I think I made it pretty clear though, lots of arm touching and smiling when asking him. He seemed keen, but I just don’t think he’s interested Sad

What I don’t understand though, is why he’s always so nice to me and says such lovely things. Is he just one of those men who flatter women out of politeness? Although, having said that, he doesn’t do it to any of our other friends.

My friends are convinced that he fancies me but we aren’t able to confirm.

He lost an ex-partner in tragic circumstances about six years ago, perhaps he isn’t able to move on from that and perhaps I need to be more sensitive and just be a good friend.

Either way though, I think I need to move on. I can’t keep hoping for something that is unlikely to happen.

OP posts:
newcarsmell · 24/02/2018 20:31

Op I would suggest, you either come right and tell him how you feel or back off from the friendship completely. If you keep hanging out with him it's just going to drive you crazy. Don't put yourself through it.

Original poster
Funnytime · 24/02/2018 20:44

Newcar, I probably need to walk away Sad

OP posts:
GuttedAndNameChanged · 24/02/2018 20:51

Hello.
Would you like to go on a date with me?
If you do then great, if not then please forget I asked and get back to normal.
Funnytime.

GuttedAndNameChanged · 24/02/2018 20:51

Sorted

GuttedAndNameChanged · 24/02/2018 20:51
Thanks
Mxyzptlk · 24/02/2018 20:53

You said he's struggling to meet someone online.
What goes wrong there? Is he being too picky? So maybe he actually doesn't want to take a chance?
Maybe he did say yes, thinking of it as a date with you, then got cold feet so asked the others.

Tistheseason17 · 24/02/2018 21:17

lots of arm touching and smiling when asking him

I did same with my now DH. Passed him something and let my hand stroke/linger.

He DID NOT notice.

Some guys need it spelt out as they are in fear of rejection, too.

Better to regret the things you've done than those you haven't.

Be brave

KaosReigns · 24/02/2018 21:32

You're going to have to be way more obvious than that, use the word date for starters and even then it may not be enough. Some people are oblivious, DH was for sure eventually I had to practically mount him.

When you hang out and talk constantly a subtle invite to a concert or dinner just sounds like hanging out not a date.

FlippingFoal · 24/02/2018 22:32

Funnytime - he isn't 6ft4 is he? The situation sounds very similar to someone who was the same with me (who also lost a partner 6 years ago). If he sends you a recording of him singing 'I'm giving up on you' about his ex and saying it's time he moved on - he's leading you on and has no intention of dating you. I hate these kind of guys - they seem to want the female attention without of the responsibility of a relationship :(

Original poster
Funnytime · 26/02/2018 19:50

It has gone from bad to worse. He pretty much ignored me last night and today, for the first time ever ended a text conversation after about 4 messages back and forth rather than keeping it going.

I don’t understand how I got the signs do completely wrong!

OP posts:
newcarsmell · 26/02/2018 23:16

@Funnytime you didn't get the signs wrong. He did obviously just enjoys the attention and has been stringing you along. He was getting the company and a lot of the emotional support from you that you'd get in a relationship without having to be in a relationship.
Take back your power and ignore him now. Don't text him trying to get him to respond. Fuck him off. Get pissed off at how you've been treated and move on from him before you waste more time on this guy.

Mxyzptlk · 28/02/2018 13:39

That's weird behaviour.
Maybe he's super-anxious about getting into a relationship so he's backed off when it looked like going that way.
Or maybe he's a selfish twonk.

Take back your power and ignore him now.
Definitely do this. He's turned out not to be the great guy you thought he was.

Cathena · 28/02/2018 14:03

I was best friends with a boy for a year. Was pretty sure he wanted to be more but it was so hard to tell. Eventually I made the move and it turned out was very interested but had never had a girlfriend before and was just very awkaward about the whole thing. Fast forward 5 years and we have bought our own place together and are recently engaged! He’s since told me that he was already in love with me by the time I suggested it- and that STILL didn’t motivate him to do anything! Some people are just paralysed by the fear of certain things, so I can only encourage you to ask. Best decision I ever made was to just bite the bullet and be direct!

Original poster
Funnytime · 28/02/2018 14:39

So today he’s told me that he drppped his phone down the toilet and he doesn’t think he’ll bother replacing it. I’ve translated that to; ‘I never want you to contact me again’ - I am so embarrassed!

OP posts:
chipsandcurrysaucemonster · 28/02/2018 15:20

Would you trust a mutual friend to do some
Digging for you? Perhaps a 'Hey Y I've always thought you and X would make a great couple, any chemistry there?' He may be more open to a mutual friend and you don't risk the awkward rejection if he is part of your friendship circle. I had a similar situation, both assumed the other one saw it as just friendship and after 9/10 months of flirting and compliments we finally plucked up the (wine fuelled) courage to have a kiss!

mummymeister · 28/02/2018 15:27

Funnytime - one of you has to be the adult in this relationship and sadly it has to be you.

meet him for coffee or do something you normally do together and at the end as you are about to leave then just say it: "look, I really like you, I would like to go out with as a girlfriend/boyfriend type thing. if you don't want to that's fine but I really feel after knowing you for X months/years and seeing you x times a week that we either move the relationship forward or we part as friends. don't say anything now, think it over and come back to me when you have. I have form for mixed messages and not seeing things as they are so rather than faff about thought I would just get it out there"

at worst he can guffaw and you never see him again but that is kind of where you are at the moment anyway isn't it - not seeing him again?

NameChangeOnTheRegular · 28/02/2018 15:28

Ah, don't be embarrassed!
What does he mean he won't replace his phone?!
How else does he contact everyone?

OnionKnight · 28/02/2018 15:31

He sounds weird as fuck.

AhhhhThatsBass · 28/02/2018 15:34

Give it a go, OP but in my opinion "he's just not into you".

That said, what have you to lose? Ask him out. Or get him to ask you out, eg "So are you ever going to ask me out or are we going to be friends forever?"

HughLauriesStubble · 28/02/2018 15:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 28/02/2018 15:53

Its easy for me to say, but please do not be embarrassed. If someone tells you you're stunning of course you're going to think you're in with a chance. I would, anyone would.
He seems a bit of an odd ball.

expatinscotland · 28/02/2018 16:03

He's just not that into you.

RavenLG · 28/02/2018 16:16

This was a rollercoaster. Tbh I think you both dodged a bullet.