To ask you about the new teacher's rule...?

[PeppermintPasty]

Ok, my ds is y6. He has just turned 11.

He's pretty normal, pretty average. Has a big bunch of friends, there are a lot of boys in the class generally. He seems to be as popular as he needs to be, and happy most of the time.

He can get very teary and intense about things, more so than, for example, his dsis (age 7), who is as hard as nails slightly tougher in some ways.

Anyway, one of his 'things' is going for a pee in the loo just before we leave the house almost every single time we go out. Sometimes he will go for a pee, we will then travel a mile to someone's house or something, and he'll immediately go when he gets there etc. He's known for it (amongst his mates whom I have heard josh him about it). I try not to make a thing of it. Sometimes I do say "what, again?" in exasperation, which probably isn't great of me.

So, new teacher this term. She has said that dc in class should not be asking to go to the toilet so often. She apparently thinks it can be a 'distraction technique' (the school's/her phrase) rather than a genuine need. 'If this appears to be the case the teacher may say (pupils) will have to wait until a natural break in learning'. The school goes on to say, (a bit odd imo): 'However, in the vast majority of cases the children will have free access to the toilet'. (-seems to be a light threat in there somewhere!).

I was driving my ds and his friend home a week or so ago and they were talking about how 'unfair' it was that my ds wasn't allowed to go to the toilet that day, first time I'd been made aware of it.

I generally don't want to blow it up into a big thing so I said to let me know if there's a problem again and I'll see what I can find out, that sort of thing.

In his home book today the teacher has written that he took too long between lunch and the next class (he went to the loo), and that he is using allowed loo breaks to 'contest' her rules by deliberately taking too long during these 'legitimate' breaks ( the children are generally not allowed to go during class any more).

He has no idea what she is talking about, I have explained what she is saying as objectively as possible. He says he was in the loo and he needed to go. She has taken points off him and wants me to 'talk' to him about this!

Aibu thinking this is overkill? My view of my ds is undoubtedly coloured, but I am also aware he is a bit of a follower not a leader generally, and I doubt he would deliberately try to 'contest' her authority. Without doubt he can be silly, loud, and is dreadful at paying attention, but he's not a calculating little sod, iyswim.

This has only been a school-wide issue since this teacher started, it seems to be a 'thing' now.

I would just like to know what teachers on here think, and parents of course.

I have replied in his book to say I do not want him to be punished for wanting to go to the loo, but I have said I will of course talk to him about any other matters that might arise. (And of course I have spoken to him about this issue anyway).

Bit long, sorry.

Measure the wee at home, not school obvs!

I can totally understand why he leaves it until the very end of lunch; if he's anxious about not being able to go for a while, he's going at the last possible moment so as to hopefully not need until the next break.

I really feel for him - I have to go a lot but I know mine is medical related and I am on meds that also increase my need to go. I am able to go as often as I need to - but if I'd had this condition when I was at school and was unable to go when I needed to, it would've caused me a LOT of stress and quite possibly, extreme embarrassment.

Definitely get him checked by the GP but in the meantime, make it clear to the teacher that it's being looked into and as such it has to be treated as an undiagnosed medical condition and he MUST be allowed the freedom to go when he needs to.

Has he ever not made it and had an accident? Does he have any leakage/dampness to the underware these would lean towards an irritable bladder.

It's really really important that diabetes is ruled out (urine test and possibly blood test) as he is the right sort of age for type 1 diabetes to rear its head (although it can show up at any point of course). Diabetics aren't alway slim though and people have often put off testing because they aren't slim, but are positive for type one. Excessive thirst and urination are symptoms though so it's a good idea to rule it out.

Anxiety is also a likely cause, which if he is worried about not being allowed to go could make it worse so it becomes a viscous cycle.

I'd advocate you calling the school and speaking to either the teacher directly or the senco if you don't feel happy discussing with the teacher and explaining that you son does appear to have an issue which you also observe at home/friends homes etc and that you are seeking medical advice, the school will then be able to make special provision for your child so that they can go when they need to, if it's anxiety related he might not need to so much if he knows he can, iyswim. Secondary schools have to be quite strict on toilet breaks for a whole host of reasons but if there is a genuine issue they will be issued a 'toilet pass' (for long term medical issues) or a note in the planner (if a student has a urine infection for example) so that they can have immediate access as a result of their individual needs.

I would arrange a quick meeting with the teacher to discuss. She is probably trying to stamp some authority on the group & it is just an extra thing to deal with (for her). I'm sure if you explain it as you have here she will allow him to go? I think stopping him going will make him even more anxious. He must be on edge the whole time now he is in school.

Tbh our primary brings in the "no toilet other than break times" rule in year 2 so I would expect a year 6 to be able to time their toileting unless there's a medical reason.

Thanks for all the advice. I've just messaged MNHQ as I think I was a bit lax in quoting from some of the school correspondence, so I have asked that this thread be deleted as it's a bit identifying in places, in case you see this message before the thread goes poof. Cheers.

When I was at primary (admittedly when dinosaurs roamed the earth) we weren't allowed inside to the loos until the end of lunch play unless you went on the way out after lunch. Straight after your drink might well not need to go yet of course, so went at the end.

Of course now a lot of schools work through afternoon playtime, so no natural loo break there either. I can see why an anxious child might want to go as soon before the long afternoon as possible tbh.

There was a thread not that long ago where DC were shooed out of school at the end of the day without access to the loos too. Maybe he is trying his best to make sure he can get home in one bladder-full?