A man just shouted at me in the street

[Dallia]

“Why are you wearing a curtain?”

I kind of smiled awkwardly and carried on crossing the road to him shouting “oi, you, I’m talking to you!”

I was absolutely mortified, lots of people were watching but no one said anything.

Why do people do this? He seemed like a “normal person” and it was really intimidating. He turned back to look and I thought he was going to start following me. Has anyone ever had weird random things shouted at them in the street, or is it just me

For the record I was wearing a stripy maxi dress as I was on my way to get a spray tan. Really wish I’d had a witty comeback.

Oh Valenta, it was nothing to do with what you were wearing. You looked happy and you were having a nice evening. There must have been that glow about you.
That’s all it takes for nasty little bastards to want to cut you down.

You never wearing that outfit again makes me really angry.
That’s what I mean. We’re so unprepared for this stuff and it hits so hard when you’re young.

How can we help our nieces, cousins, daughters etc to be prepared so they’re not hurt in the same way?

A few teens were hanging out by a bench, and one of them (female) shouted out, contemptuously, “VICTORIANS!” this made me laugh so much.

I hate this sort of behaviour from men. I've been made to feel very uncomfortable when I'm just walking to the shop and minding my own business, it's horrible. Sometimes I'm feeling feisty and will respond. One particular piece of shit walking towards me in Tesco (by the biscuits, ffs !) with his mates said
"she needs fake tan looks like a ghost har har har" laughter from him and his imbecile friends.
I stopped, looked him up and down and said "your eyes are too close together and you look like your mam is your sister."
His friends were laughing and he started getting arsey and asked "who asked you Casper?"
I said "oh I'm sorry, I thought we were sharing uninvited opinions on each others appearance" and walked off. He was shouting abuse at me as I walked off as I did not give two shits that day and was in a shop. I'm not so ballsy when out and about without witnesses.

It's ridiculous that women can't go out without fear of this bullshit. I like running, but after too many comments from passers-by, I have joined the gym instead to use the treadmill.

I once read somewhere that they hate us because they can never be sure that the babies we conceive actually belong to them. This is why they feel compelled to control us and keep track of us. Some kind of primal shit going on in their heads

I was at a counter in Debenhams when a man told me "it'll take more than make up for you, love". I was flabbergasted but the assistant, bless her, told him to fuck right off without missing a beat. I mentioned it later to my then-bf who told me I must have picked him up wrong. Arseholes.

30 years ago I was on holiday with 3 friends. Walking down the street a group of young men started cat calling. I just remember the word wanker being used. Anyway a few days later we had made friends with another group of 4 girls another 2 girls and a young girl on her own (holidaying with her DP's) So there were 11 of us walking down the street when we met these young lads again and gave them a taste of their own medicine boy they did not like it but they were outnumbered. This was in Malta

Working on public transport you get a fair amount of comment and abuse.

"Cheer up love and give us a smile!"
"Fat cow/bitch"
"You not getting enough at home, bitch?"
".Why do you wear such awful clothes?" (The uniform doesn't fit me well as a plus-sizer)
"Shut up or I'll cut you."
"Fuck you, fucking slag."

After 16 years you grow a thick skin. We can report it to the police but there isn't much follow up. Too worried about terrorism.

I have also knowledge of other female staff pawed by men without invitation or encouragement. They are told to back off, but we cannot defend ourselves physically in case it's taken the wrong way by the perp, the police or our employer.

At busier locations we will all go and assist a colleague in distress or discomfort. At smaller, lone working stations to get rid of a pest is more difficult.

We also go straight to the defence of women customers being pestered or assaulted. Too many, right now. Some years ago, a colleague had to tell a customer she had semen on her skirt. Yes, some oik had ejaculated on her. These incidents happen every single day, many times a day. Boys and men treating females like crap.

I have always desperately wanted a daughter but reading this thread and remembering personal experiences has made me think what a fucked up world our girls are living in.
I have always said that if it kills me i will bring my two boys up to be decent, respectful gentlemen who are self sufficient and will one day make good husbands but in a world where increasingly women are seen as objects or commodities or minimalised what hope do we have?
Hugs to all who have experienced this shit and respect to all that have stayed strong and refused to be defined by these ignorant specimens.

@VanGoghsLeftEar that's a chilling account of modern life for women. And there are people who insist there is no further need for feminism. #metoo indeed.

I literally get this daily with people staring at my ass or saying things it is intimidating, embarrassing and uncomftable especially when it's men old enough to be your grand father

it's like men don't realise nobody cares what you have to say to me I don't need to know you find me attractive or have an issue with something I'm wearing just shut up

this is why sexual Harrassment should be taken more seriously

@VanGoghsLeftEar You must have the hide of a rhino. But what about the new recruits? They must not be used to that kind of thing. And is there a way you could report someone for example like you said saying "I'll cut you"? Thats not the same as someone shouting "Fat cow" iyswim?

cracker09 That’s just awful. The problem is with them, not you. You’re much more valuable than these terrible, awful people who are stuck with their nasty personalities.

I get catcalled when I’m not walking about with my husband. Loads of comments similar to what’s already been said. Interestingly, my husband used to work for a small removals company. I would get catcalled by his colleagues sometimes and they would speed off. Was weird to think that he would be working with them the next day.

I have been followed often by men. A few years ago, I was heading to a coffee shop to meet my husband but was early. Some guy followed me, sat at my table and quizzed me on how much my partner earns - in the end telling me I would be better off with him. He wouldn’t leave me alone until the staff noticed and came across to check I was ok. I was loudly telling him I wasn’t interested at this point.

Most recently followed around Tesco by a man making comments about my bum. Had to wait at the bench just after the checkouts until he pissed off as I didn’t want him following me home.

This is slightly veering off topic, but do you think catcalling is worse in certain areas of the UK? I have been catcalled over the years but not to the extent that I read about here. But it was nearly always 'compliments' or give us a smile. That's in inverted commas because clearly I didn't find it complimentary.

I've never had men comment on my weight (I'm about a size 14) or on what I'm eating.

But the worst of the worst was secondary school. With hindsight, I remember boys constantly commenting on girls looks and bodies. I was insulted daily for most of it. I was apparently so ugly that I made people feel sick. My boobs were so disgusting that I should cut them off. I was a fat bitch (often from boys who were overweight themselves). I can't believe I was conditioned to think it was normal. One of the worst offenders is now a teacher himself, and it sickens me to think of him judging the teenage girls he teaches (he has a reputation as still being looks obsessed despite being in his 40s now).

I was a fat bitch (often from boys who were overweight themselves).

For context, I weighed about 8 stone when I was a fat bitch

treaclesoda I was catcalled the most when living in the east of Scotland. I have now moved to the west and although it still happens, it’s much better. That said, I do remember being catcalled in Manchester and London too when on short trips. London was particularly bad. I have been there at different ages and it was worse when I was 14/15/16, later trips (now in my 30s) have been better.

You only have to look at this forum and see all the threads about relationship worries, online dating, does he like me, is he a games player, he said I was too fat and he no longer fancies me, he is treating me badly etc. Endless. Why do we spend so much time thinking about men, we put them on pedestals like being in a relationship is a holy grail.....let's face it, they are dickheads. Kick them off the pedestal.

I am married, fairly happily, middle aged now - but in the past I did that running after guys who were dangling me on a string and I could kick myself. If I was no longer in this relationship I would not bother getting myself in another one.

I remember when George Micheal was arrested for the toilet incident in
LA. He said that gay men hook up for sex. They want sex, they go get it and heterosexual men also wanted to do the same but they were forced into this dating and romance thing. I think he was right. Men want sex and they resent women for not just being sexually available to them when the thought crosses their mind, which is often. They have a gossamer thin veneer of civility that is easily scratched away, particularly when they are with their mates. They love the age of tinder etc, the easy hook up. I know a lot of women do too but all these apps are really geared up for men to get no strings sex without the need for a relationship.

I had a middle aged male colleague - very PC, right on, Guardian reader, family man. He told me that when men get together they were animals, the way they speak about women when they are not in earshot was terrible. I once heard him and some of his business acquaintances in a pub being complete dickheads about the female customers. One of them was an elderly looking guy (looked older than his years), wispy hair across his balding head, with one front tooth (not making this up, one fucking snagged tooth) proclaiming loudly about the physical attributes of women. My male colleague saw me, faced dropped, he just looked so mortified. They are all at it.

My girls are going to a girls school. Yes sure those have issues too but attempting to avoid the barrage of misogynistic hate my friends and I had at our mixed comp.

Remember the sneering about looks. Essentially if you weren't Cindy Crawford or Pamela Anderson you were beneath contempt. Remember these ugly spotty youths turning their noses up at us. Looking back at photos we were gorgeous! About a hundred notches above them at every level yet they felt able to grade us out of 10

Ugh, I hate random men shouting stuff.

It happens to most women I think, I live near a B road and lots of men in vans drive through, shouting random insults...only ever at women.

The man shouting to you sounds unhinged

Haven’t finished reading yet - am appalled, saddened but not the slightest bit surprised at these.

My two favourites were walking along one day and two men on bikes cycled past me and called out ‘fat piece of shit’. Then they circled round and did it again.

The other one was when I hadn’t let someone out into the traffic in front of me. There had been no special reason why I should have done, no big gap or anything. He pulled up next to me at a junction and ‘said ‘fat slag, hope you die’. I had my 3 week old daughter in the car. She’s now 10 and I’m in tears now thinking about that.

My mother tells me she remembers the exact day when she became invisible in the street and men started leering at me. I was 10, the same ages as my eldest. It makes me want to take my daughters to live on a remote island.

If I found that my DH had ever behaved like that it would be the end. I couldn’t bear it.

Ah that's not nice OP. Bet you looked lovely. My guess would be on some kind of issues, but it's not pleasant and mortifying to experience.

This reminded me of an encounter when I was in my early twenties. It was the first sunny day of the year and I was wearing a strappy top and feeling quite happy. A man across the street shouted at me. It sounded crude so I just half smiles and walked a bit faster. Until I felt something slimy hit my back. Another look at the man confirmed that he had a sandwich and was basically chucking bits of it at me! It smelt very stale too. He managed to get a fair few bits in before I got away. No I didn't confront him. I was young and I was ashamed. Got back and told my flatmates as a funny story...but I felt quite tearful and could smell that sandwich on me for ages after I'd showered. Took me a long while before I went out in a vest top again too.

Men can be so very cruel.

It never seems to change. The only thing I've noticed since the 60s is fewer building site men shout out (because they have new rules saying they must not which have helped).

A lot of men don't do this and I hope my 3 teenage/adult sons never would. I don't think they would but that still leaves a fair few men who do.

The requiring me to smile I found particularly annoying. I am quite a smiley person in general actually but when I am walking down a street it is up to me whether I smile or not, not anyone else's business to control my smile _ - "givvus a smile love"

Who - horrific and upsetting for all.

Men can be extremely horrifically cruel to women they don't know. Yet popular myth is women are "bitchy" and men e "straightforward" .

Remember meeting dh friends from a particular stage of his life. All women and really nice - the ones I would have been friends with. Asked him and he quietly said "the men were knobs". Pray my dds meet someone like him.

It's thoroughly depressing 😞

Yes the buiding site rules are great they seem to behave themselves round here now, although I am older so it may just be that.

Of course they don't have to shout anything to be intimidating.

Nothing like as much fun as a group of 6 or so men silently staring at a 13yo schoolgirl as she walks past. Oh the larks!

They terrified me actually I think it's because they were always in a "gang" IYSWIM.

Thinking about it they often had access to secluded areas as well. WTF were they playing at? What is fun about frightening a child with sex related behavior? It's male bonding and dominance, do they even care how scary we find it, or is that what they find such good fun?

The people who say "it's flattering women love it" are a. weird as all fuck IMO and b. don't live in the real world and c. what are they even talking about?

This is surprisingly common. My worst was going into a meeting at a hotel, suited and booted, lots of male colleagues loitering outside and s car with four men in it actually stopped to hurl sexual remarks at me. The fact it was a work setting and I worked with people watching made it worse for me, I just had to keep walking and try to retain some dignity.

It's also the reason I dont run outside. I did it in my twenties and I got such sexual abuse hurled at me that I've not done it since. I'm just too self conscious now.

Although I've witnessed some idiotic women do it, I would agree it's predominantly men who do this and it's surprisingly commonplace as well. It's also normally about a woman's appearance.