To ignore my cat's cries of distress? LIGHTHEARTED!

[SneakyGremlins]

His food bowl is 2cm to the left of where it "should be", in his eyes. HE moved it

We have a cat who does the thing where he eats two mouthfuls of a fresh bowl of food and then goes and sits by the food cupboard meowing for more. I always ignore him and he'll eat the food in his bowl eventually (sometimes not until hours later). DH panders to him and puts the bowl in front of him, where he will sit and eat it 🙄

He also trots out of the front door when I get home from somewhere and walks straight over to the living room patio doors (approx 3 metres across from the front door he has just come out of which is still wide open) and meow to be let back in.

He'll also ask to be let out of doors/windows like it's a life or death matter when he has a perfectly usable cat flap too.

Oh, and he used to do the scratching at the bedroom door overnight thing. When it got to the point that he was waking the baby and also ripping up the carpet, I bought a sensor spray that triggers as soon as he is in range. Soon stopped that problem. I refuse to give in to him being a completely lovable dick head

Our cat will only eat Gourmet brand. Mainly the 12 pouch ones with various different fish plus shrimps in. But she won't eat the salmon flavour so only eats 9 of the 12. So every month or so that flavour gets donated to the local cat rescue. She goes through a stage of liking cooked chicken as a treat. But she will only eat it from Morrison's, not Sainsbury's, M & S etc has to be Morrison's.

My old boy decided that he liked a certain food. Great! Did the bulk buy thing which instantly meant he would not touch it ever again.

I tried putting it out for a couple of days. On day three I came home from work to find a ripped up pigeon in my living room with the cat looking at me. He may as well have just said "you had better get the gourmet perle in woman, or else..."

I folded. Obviously. Bullied by a fucking cat....

BrotherCat peers at us through the catflap, waving his paw at us to be let in. If we wave a pouch around, he continues...but if we get the Dreamies out, he is through the catflap in a flash! Likewise, he stands by the catflap, wailing to be let out! Why pay to have a dog and bark yourself?

You realise you people are the reason I will end up with a million cats once my sighthounds cross the rainbow bridge? They sound like the best and most amusing bastards on the planet.

More examples, now!

Awww topseyt that's so sad, you must miss him

Chesntoots - better than watching TV last night to be startled by a chaffinch, flying round the lounge! Brought in through the catflap!

MrSlant actually I swear cats have a well developed sense of humour

Mine's just come through the window with a gunky mouth again, so he's been eating something slimy again...

My dearly departed cat could be an attention seeking little shit. If you had company, she'd come and sit on your mouth to remind you that there was only one place your attention should be focussed and it sure as hell wasn't on your human guest...

I was woken up this morning by the cat literally falling onto my head.
She decided to sit on the headboard of the bed whilst staring and very impatiently waiting for me to get up and give her breakfast. The head board is quite polished metal though and the silly bugger went and fell off landing right on top of my head.

My boy cat he’ll be 9 in August spends 98% of his time attached to me - literally plonks himself down and that’s it I’m stuck, if I need the loo or anything that requires me moving and then try to remove him, he sticks his claws in and I end up scratched everywhere. The remaining amount of time is meowing at anyone to feed him. He’s an indoor cat and on the very rare occasion he ventures out he spends his time meowing at the open window or door, he doesn’t quite get that they work both ways! All bets are off when my mum nanny comes over and feeds him chicken, fish, sea food etc. If he has to go to the vets or anything he point blank refuses to go in carrier and sits on the parcel shelf like he’s royalty!

My girl cat, she will be 3 in May is an absolute dick. She treats our house like a hotel and when she does bother to come in she prefers to be pushed around in DD’s dollspram. She attempts to get in the shower with all of us and because our bathroom is a wet room will have a roll around in the water after we’ve finished. She insists on sitting in my shoulder. She got stuck up a tree DH went to rescue her and she decided she could jump down after all. She takes the piss out of the rest of the cats around by us. DH (again, he never learns) went to ‘rescue’ her thinking she was being ganged up on by two cats, she clearly wasn’t and was being a dick to them. She has taken to sitting in a tree by where our car is parked, you can’t see her and when DH comes in she meows at him every time and makes him jump.

Both of them take a shit at the mention of visitors in the litter tray.

We obviously love them to bits and would be lost without them

It's funny when they trip - they get all indignant and nonchalant like 'no no, that wasn't me who just did that. Certainly not'.

Actually they do have a high comedic value...

BuggersMoggy keeps changing his preferred food. He'll go for one for ages then suddenly start turning his nose up / stealing human food until you switch brand. Being as he's a cat, he can't of course tell you which is acceptable......

Sometimes he rebels with pigeons or tries to train me with live rats. If food isn't served on time he'll occasionally paw / munch on feet / ankles. He's an old one though and he does have thyroid issues. Old enough that he won't learn new tricks but seems perfectly young enough to learn bad habits IME!

My current ones bring mice in. Alive and slightly shocked but otherwise unharmed.

They then spend the next two days watching me catch the little fekker. I am a better mouser than my cats! The mice always get returned to the field behind my house.

I'm beginning to think it's the same bloody mouse actually. Perhaps it has a deal going on with the cats to have a few cosy nights at mine in exchange for the laughs the cats get watching me crawling around the floor.

Cats. Evil and cunning little fuckers. But adorable all the same...

Oh, I forgot to add most mornings I wake up with one if not both asleep on the top of my head. They wrap themselves around like a headscarf.

@Ollivander84 - my black cat says Mama & I got a real shock the first time I heard it: he was outside my bedroom door wanting to be let in! He also says "yum yum yum"/"miam miam miam" when eating something he particularly enjoys. Mwerble.

When my [strawberry-]blond cat wants to play catch he will pester me mercilessly. And gets so excited he accidentally claws my hand when I go to throw whatever it is he's brought me to play with.

Ridiculous felines.

I’m so glad I’m not alone in my moggy high jinx despair. My boy is so lovely but he is also a PITA. I wouldn’t have him any other way, as he is also confident and loving.

I've always had cats and thought I had experienced all of their annoying behaviour but no.

Current cat is a pervert and annoying as all shit.

Since DC 2 arrived, foghorn leghorn wakes up the entire house at 3am yowling and scratching at doors and items of furniture. No idea what he wants. More food probably but he can't have any a he is already a massive lard arse.

The only thing that shuts him up is a blast of the water pistol (desperate times - don't judge) or getting him onto the bed to stroke him until he feels sexy enough to hump someone's feet before falling into post coitus sleep.

Have cats they said. It'll be fun they said.

Luna

Not got cats now but had them a long time ago and I once came home to find ducat sitting on doorstep with a fresh beef joint. Bloody thing was as heavy as he was. He looked so proud of himself.

I sent these to cats protection and said I asked for a normal one. She replied saying "no refunds on weirdo black cats. In the small print" 😂😂😂

One of ours will sit at the open patio door meowing to be let in until you mime opening the door and she will bound in. She spent too long in the cute and fluffy lines so all the good brains were gone by the time she got to the front.

We've got three cats. Two older boys of 13, Fat Cat and Skinny Cat (identical apart from weight) and one kitten who is around a year old.

Fat Cat was the laziest cat in the world. Will hunt a bird in the garden, but usually gives up on the basis that it's too far away. Loves following a cat toy with his eyes/head, but unless he can reach out for it form his current position he'll not move. The only time he exerts effort is when he's opening doors, which he does by getting skinny cat to press on the door while he jumps and batters the handle down.

He's got a miaow that suggests he is absolutely starving. Morning and night when he's fed you'd think he'd never been fed before. He piled on a tremendous amount of weight two years ago, then started vomiting daily and being picky with food. it took four vet visits and a co-incidental meeting with an elderly lady along the road before I discovered that my 'starving' cat was being fed by her THREE times a day. After that I made a few enquiries and discovered that the £400 worth of tests were unnecessary because the greedy cat was getting fed in FIVE houses that I know of.

Last year a neighbour found a tiny kitten in our street. We searched for it's owner, put posters up in streets, in the vets etc, but we came to the conclusion she was dumped. She was only about 4 weeks old. We took her in and I hand fed her for a while. She was properly tiny.

When she was about 8 weeks old I got up in the morning and Fat Cat had managed to get the spare room door open. To my horror he had her in his mouth and was trotting along the hall with her. I ran after him only to see him dump her in his litter tray. I don't know why, and the vet thinks its hilarious, but he seemed to think she was his kitten.

She copies his pitiful miaow at food time. And he now thinks he's a fucking kitten and tears around the house like she does, including one amusing time when the kitten jumped from the sofa onto DH's belly and was then followed by 7kg Fat Cat :)

We lost Skinny Cat about 4 months ago. He has now trained the kitten to press on the door when he bats the handle so we're back to not being able to shut them out of the living room at any point again.