To think that children are babied too much these days

[BlueMirror]

I think it's really sad that many children aren't allowed the independence I had when I was younger. We live on a very quiet road and while some primary age children are allowed to play outside and climb the trees in the field opposite many aren't.
I also know of 18/19 yr olds who live at home and are basically treated like young teens with their parents calling them by the minutes to check on them, restricting where they can go/who they can see. They are adults!
Aibu to think that if you aren't even allowed out of the door by yourself until you're 11 then you're not going to be fully independent by age 18 and that adolescence now seems to extend into the 20's for many young people?
Supervised 'play dates' for 10+ year olds now seem to be a thing going by threads on here! What happened to going and knocking on your friends doors and seeing who could come out?
For comparison it was normal when I was younger to walk yourself to school age 7 and children played outside from much younger. By the time you hit your teens you were expected to be responsible and behave as an adult with all the freedoms that go with that. Aibu to think that kids are generally overprotected these days?

We haven't got a garden and live on a busy main road so interested to hear what "free outdoor play" you think my DS should be doing.

"I think it down to two things. The world is a more dangerous place than when my children were small."

No it isn't!

I agree OP. I had so much freedom as a kid and yet I see parents of teens keeping them on such tight leashes these days. That, together with an economic climate that keeps young people living at home often until they're well into their 20s really saddens me. How are these DC/young adults supposed to gain independence and learn how to do things for themselves? My parents were always there in the background, but I was encouraged to be independent, think for myself and actually go places on my own so I could spread my wings and become an independent adult.

The world is less dangerous. But the media amplify risks.
Virtually all snatching of kids is by family members in custody disputes.

And if kids cant be kids now.

My mam was very over protective.I never learned form playing wiht other kids.You dont learn to read peoples reactions.

You go from being a child to an adult with no life skills.You are not doing it for your kids,you are doing it to make your own lives easier.But when they hit aldulthood,thy wont have a clue.

It depends on their age obviously but if playing outside was a no-no where I lived I'd be happy to drop my kids at the park with a couple of friends and properly fuck off for a while then go and collect them.

Well he's 2 so can't do that.

In terms of gangs and abusers - that is probably no worse than it ever was. You just hear more about them and people are less able to deal with it.

I wish this was true

However I do get quite sick of the assumption on MN that everyone must have a garden. Like when people get all sanctimonious about drying clothes indoors. Not all of us have an outdoor washing line!!!

Well I don't think anyone's suggesting your 2 yr old should be off roaming the city alone regardless of where you live!

I am in my mid 50s and when I was a kid, a 2 year old roaming alone would have been seen as being neglected.

Iam, what do you mean by 'I wish this was true'?

A fellow parent picking up her 14 yr old from an activity once expressed utter shock that mine normally got the bus and that, gasp, she also got it to school, as did 90 % of pupils around here in the suburbs. 8 > 8.30 sees pupils zigzagging across the borough to about 10 different schools. She said her two girls had never got the bus and only on the train when accompanied. Her older daughter, very sheltered in other ways , was due to go to university later that year - it wasn't a kind preparation for life.

I think YANBU. While i wouldn't allow DC to roam free and 'just cole home when youre hungry' as my parents claim to have been raised, i think that i will push myself to allow some independence.

I think from aged 9 or so i'd like them to be able to know how to cross a busy road safely, go to a local shop, play in the nearby park and be back at an agreed time for instance. By secondary school they definitely need to know how to catch a public bus and know their way round the main city centre.

Yanbu at all, I totally get it. They cotton wool them, the result is, children that grow into adults unable to think for themselves or be independent.

I lived for a while in a street where there were scary men dealing drugs openly at the end of the street. It is not a place I would have ever let kids play out. You have to be sensible.
But kids can be encouraged to be independent in many ways. And part of that is learning how to solve situations themselves.

Where we lived before they would all have been begging to stay in a tent in the garden and having a whale of a time

lucky you, anyone I know with organised "campsite" in their fields always laugh about finding the kids asleep on the sofa in the morning, or back in their bed. If one adult sleeps outside too, he's usually on his own in the morning. "country" children get as scared as "city" kids in RL!

OP I agree with some of your OP - I think it's sad that there is a lot less playing out now than there was during my own childhood. But it becomes difficult to do it when nobody else does (I'd be happy for my child to be out as part of a group but not on their own or just with one other).

But I disagree that not letting them out alone until 11+ means they won't gain independence. My DS14 has been gradually allowed more freedom since starting secondary school and now has full independence and freedom to come and go as he pleases as long as he tells me where he is going and when (approximately) he will be back.

So you can start later with the freedom and still prepare them for adulthood.

But yes, I do think it's sad that he missed out on the fun of being out all day with friends during childhood. If I'd have lived somewhere where other children were playing out perhaps this would have been possible.

Oh, this boring ol' chestnut again. How about another thread about how boomers had it great v. millennials, how we should hark back to the 50s/70s, whatever, blah blah blah. Or perhaps we could all just mind our own business.

YABU.

Didn't used to be the case saska IME

MichaelBendfaster statistics don’t back up that view, sadly. Knife crime among young offenders is on the rise in London. Not enough research has been done to suggest whether this is gang related, but I’m not going to let my DC’s be the litmus test. Instead I’m just going to do my best to protect them, and if they miss out on climbing trees (they don’t btw, we live by the green belt) then saving them from a stabbing is a worthy reason.

It's not my child I don't trust to be out alone, it's the strangers and weirdos that might cross her path - or bad drivers. We had a spattering of incidents locally with men trying to coax young children into vans, and one who tried to snatch a child whilst the mother was walking behind but was around a bend. Luckily none succeeded. As lovely as it would be to give my DD more freedom, I value her safety more.

I agree OP. And with other posters, re parents running kids around, not letting them play out, taking parents to university interviews etc.

I'm not sure that I agree that this world/place is a lot more dangerous than it ever was before. Yes its changed in the last 10/20/30 years, but these basic principals of how to bring up children surely haven't changed that much. Basic good principals are still the same.

But I'm not sure how this can be reversed.

PP said : "so I can see why some err on the side of 'overprotective'"
No, I disagree with this. We should all at least try and be balanced. being overprotective is not good, and we should not put up with it.

Plus she would have a 45 min walk to her school friends houses and that would involve walking along the side of a national speed limit road that has no pavement - absolutely no way is that happening.