To think that children are babied too much these days

[BlueMirror]

I think it's really sad that many children aren't allowed the independence I had when I was younger. We live on a very quiet road and while some primary age children are allowed to play outside and climb the trees in the field opposite many aren't.
I also know of 18/19 yr olds who live at home and are basically treated like young teens with their parents calling them by the minutes to check on them, restricting where they can go/who they can see. They are adults!
Aibu to think that if you aren't even allowed out of the door by yourself until you're 11 then you're not going to be fully independent by age 18 and that adolescence now seems to extend into the 20's for many young people?
Supervised 'play dates' for 10+ year olds now seem to be a thing going by threads on here! What happened to going and knocking on your friends doors and seeing who could come out?
For comparison it was normal when I was younger to walk yourself to school age 7 and children played outside from much younger. By the time you hit your teens you were expected to be responsible and behave as an adult with all the freedoms that go with that. Aibu to think that kids are generally overprotected these days?

People hark back to the good old days but my mum grew up in the 1970s and was flashed / wanked at at least 3 times before she was 12.

Now that you mention it actually, growing up in the 80s and 90s, we were allowed to play out in our street a lot, but I did have some weird, willy flashing and other incidents with older boys when I was a young child (under 9). I’d never given it much thought, but it was actually a bit horrible looking back now.

I wouldn’t want to comment on any individual parent’s choices in this regard, but as an overall trend, I think you’re right. I wonder if that was inevitable to some extent, now that our roads are so much busier than they were in the past? (I haven’t looked that up to check, but am assuming it is likely to be the case).

We are really lucky to live in a close so our kids can play out with other kids in the close. DD is 12 and she is allowed to go further afield, eg to a park or into town on the bus.

I’m glad I can let them roam a bit. The more time my kids spend outside, the better their behaviour inside. It’s exactly the same for our dog 😬

YABU and I too am not a 'paedo-round-every-corner' type.
Our road is too dangerous traffic-wise to let my DC (7 & 9) play out the front. Hidden junctions and a few local residents that everyone knows drive like morons. We can't afford to live anywhere else at the moment. But we have a fair sized garden, our DC are taken out every weekend so they get plenty of exercise. They both are well balanced socially and thrive at school.

My DC are also very restricted on screen time and neither will need a phone until they go to secondary school.

Not everyone has the luxury of living in a safe and cosy village cul-de-sac.

Allowing kids to run feral does not promote Independence

Omg, who's talking about feral kids? Going out to play in a quiet street with minimal traffic, parents keeping an eye out and checking on the kids is far from feral. Obviously you don't let your kids out, fine, but please stop exaggerating.

YABU
It is not a risk I am willing to take with my dc. I have reason for being over cautious due to something that happened in my youth.

We are lucky in that we have a large garden with swing sets and a trampoline where they can play with their friends.

The risk maybe small but I couldn’t imagine the agony of one of my children going missing.

I used to roam free. I got flashed at twice. I fell down a rabbit hole and broke my leg and couldn't walk home to tell anyone and was bloody lucky a dog walker came and helped me. The older girl over the road - who used to babysit us - took me and my sister on an 'adventure' through storm drains and then left us abandoned with no idea how to get home on the grass embankment running up the side of the A38, because she thought it would be funny. Our parents found us by following the sound of our petrified screams - we were actually ridiculously close to home, but didn't know because of said underground storm drain adventure.

THEM WERE THE DAYS.

Anyone who works with kids knows that there is an increase in kids without basic independence skills that are age appropriate. These kids have always existed, but there are more of them now. And yes there are more young adults now who are pretty immature.

we live in a quiet area and luckily the kids are given freedom and independence.

Well bully for you, but you do realise not everyone lives in an idyllic area don't you?

I think everyone just tries to be the best parent they can in the circumstances and their environment.

Another 'I'm parenting the correct way and everyone else is wrong' thread.

YANBU. The world is safer in terms of crime than it has ever been.

I think it's really sad kids being ferried about by car, checked up on, having play dates scheduled...

Now you don't even know what kind of people are living on your street.

Speak for yourself. I know loads of my neighbours.

YABVU to generalise.
I have 3 dc (now 21, 19 and 16) and don't recognise what you are describing in your OP.

OP I tend to agree with you. I despair when I hear of graduates taking mum to interviews and wondering why they don't get the job. We do our children no favours if we don't encourage independence and the ability to make decisions when mum and dad aren't there - after all they may not be there forever!

YANBU

My DD2 is 12 and has been walking to school since year 5 on her own. The children in the house opposite weren't allowed to walk because 'danger'. To put into context, they walk round the corner, cross a small quiet road and then walk up the hill to school with approx. 200 other kids all walking to school. There is absolutely nothing dangerous about this route.

My oldest is 19 and has been pretty independent since she was 13. I always knew where she was going and who with but gave her the freedom and responsibility on the understanding that if she fucked up and misbehaved then she would be grounded indefinitely. She's now at uni, doing very well, self-sufficient and a nice young adult. On the other hand one of her friends had her life extremely curtailed up to the age of 18. Her parents are extremely strict and wouldn't let her do anything or go anywhere. She literally just stayed at home and studied. As a result when she went to uni she went completely off the rails and ended up in hospital after overdosing on class A drugs and alcohol.

Now obviously not everyone reacts like that but how can young adults know how to live their lives if they aren't allowed to do anything at all?

Geez! Kidnappings are INCREDIBLY rare

really? The police in my area has reported on their social media the attempt to get a little girl in a car whilst she was walking her dog - so no hear say.

Allowing your teens to be outside aimlessly when there's nothing to do in your area sound awfully boring. I'd rather mine having fun in an "organised" sport club or other with their friends, then sitting smoking and doing nothing bored out of their mind.

I wouldn't leave my younger ones unsupervised, sounds like madness to me, sorry.

I think recent generations are, as a general rule, better people than previous ones Really? In what ways?

Where you live has a lot to do with how much freedom you give your kids, surely? I grew up from age 8 in a very small village on the edge of Salisbury Plain. It was fab. We were out from sunrise to sunset (or when we could hear my dad whistle for us). Perfectly safe. Idyllic almost. In that scenario, Yanbu.

Whereas last night someone I know who lives in Camden had no less than 5 stabbings occur either on her street or just a few streets away. All last night. At least one fatal. So if I were her, I'd say ywbvu.

People's cirmsutances differ. It's not as clear cut as using too much cotton wool. It's a bit ignorant to think it is tbh.

My ds is 12 and used to walk to school in Y6 and got the bus to high school from Year 7 (we live almost next door to school now in Y8 so he walks).
I am more than happy for him to go to a friends house or meet up with friends but do you know what HE doesn't want to, he just isn't feeling that yet. So maybe it isn't all about parents not letting kids do it, maybe some kids don't want to.
I'm certainly not going to push him to do it (I've asked him a few times if he wants to go round to friends, or texting them to see if they want to go out) but the answer is usually 'meh'

There's lots of research that shows that a lack of free outdoor play is actually damaging to kids brains.

Yes, I agree with this (the book Last Child in the Woods is excellent about this stuff). But, that doesn't mean that you have to allow children to play unsupervised if you feel they are not old enough to do or that the area you live in is not suitable for unsupervised play. You can allow lots of free outdoor play, in groups or alone, and yet still be within seeing distance of your children and able to intervene if needed. There's not necessarily a conflict between allowing free play and supervising your child as you think necessary.

But I don't think it is just about being allowed out to play. Not as simple as that. It is about more parents not expecting kids to do things themselves, or trying to protect them from every minor negative experience, e.g. young kids, put on their own coat, later help with housework, sort out minor friendship squabbles. Watch the secret life programmes to see what kids are capable of. Not all kids are allowed to do those things.

I’m really funny about sleepovers now after being really horribly bullied at one when I first started secondary school. That then led to bullying at school. The more I think about it, the more I think YABU op. Thems were definitely not the days!

I agree OP. I went to a childminders after school when I was a kid and she let me go out to the park with my friends (age 9, 10,11) and also wait at the bus stop with a friend who lived in a children's home. Children's home girl would be in a taxi nowadays and a childminder would be restricted by ofsted and therefore not allowed to let kids out unsupervised even if parents agree.

I would give dd (8) more freedom to play out if others in the area did so and I would put appropriate rules and boundaries in place, but the opportunity has not really arisen.

I was given a ridiculous amount of freedom as a kid. We had a patch of waste-ground behind our house that we played in, with the alcoholics and junkies lying nearby. When that got boring we went to the railway station next to the waste-ground, and had competitions to run across the tracks when we could hear a train coming.

I was very independent, but by the time I was 17 I had been raped, flashed at, and knocked off my bike a few times. Oh and talked into trying some drugs by some blokes in smart suits, who bought us drinks and a fancy meal, and were clearly very dodgy. All in a nice part of town.

I try to give my kids some freedom, but I remember my own experiences which makes me a bit wary.

Yeh I get what your saying. Although I live on a main road in london so nowhere to play out for the kids. However there was a thread on here not long ago where someone didn't like leaving their 17 year old home alone with a work man. I was

Whilst I wouldn't treat an young adult like a child, I think that you still need to keep a very close eye on pre-teens and young teens. There's definitely a balance to be struck between allowing them independence and keeping enough of an eye on them to keep them safe.

My two don't play out in the sense they go to the local park and hang out (they are 7 and 10), because there simply isn't the opportunity. They don't get back from school until after 5 and then there's homework and their various clubs to attend. We are slowly allowing the 10yo more freedom and that will continue as a gradual process over time.

As for there being a 'pedophile around every corner' we recently found out there is one living a couple of streets away, so it goes to show it's more common than a lot of people think.

So in the secret world programmes, young kids learn how to deal with losing. That hurts, but they learn how to deal with it over minor things, and how to win and not gloat. Some parents would not allow their young kids to experience this as it is upsetting. Which means they only experience losing over more important things.

there are also thread about grown-up woman who are not comfortable having a plumber in their home, so I can imagine they would be just as "protective" towards their children.

I don't understand why poster mix learning basic home skills (cooking and so on) and being allowed outside on your own from early childhood. How are the 2 even related? They are not!