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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think that children are babied too much these days

462 replies

BlueMirror · 21/02/2018 10:20

I think it's really sad that many children aren't allowed the independence I had when I was younger. We live on a very quiet road and while some primary age children are allowed to play outside and climb the trees in the field opposite many aren't.
I also know of 18/19 yr olds who live at home and are basically treated like young teens with their parents calling them by the minutes to check on them, restricting where they can go/who they can see. They are adults!
Aibu to think that if you aren't even allowed out of the door by yourself until you're 11 then you're not going to be fully independent by age 18 and that adolescence now seems to extend into the 20's for many young people?
Supervised 'play dates' for 10+ year olds now seem to be a thing going by threads on here! What happened to going and knocking on your friends doors and seeing who could come out?
For comparison it was normal when I was younger to walk yourself to school age 7 and children played outside from much younger. By the time you hit your teens you were expected to be responsible and behave as an adult with all the freedoms that go with that. Aibu to think that kids are generally overprotected these days?

OP posts:
notmyredditusername365 · 21/02/2018 13:45

"Only the other day, a child was approached by a man in a van, at the primary school near us"

This almost certainly didn't happen. Not saying you made it up but this is one of those things that is always being reported and always turns out not to be true.

Your arrogance is quite breathtaking sometimes Bertrand. I have put two children through school and their schools (both primary and secondary) and/or the police have contacted parents via letters home, and on one occasion by police presence in the school itself, on at least 7 or 8 occasions for potentially serious man trying to get kids into his car or van type incidents.

I guess this serial sex attacker was all just speculation and rumour too?

Elocutioner · 21/02/2018 13:46

Even so notmy, the chances of your child be kidnapped by a guy in a van are vanishingly small

Mymycherrypie · 21/02/2018 13:47

I’m a little shocked that some people think seeing a guy masturbating on the street is par for the course at age 12. Firstly, we shouldn’t even be accepting this as normal behaviour. Secondly, telling your child that it is a standard for life is also massively damaging.

Elocutioner · 21/02/2018 13:49

I accept that experiences you had "which were a bit grim" are undesirable and you'd rather your kids didn't have the same.

We'd all like our kids to have nothing but positive experiences, ideally. However the world doesn't work like that. It's up to you to educate your children so that when they have experiences like that (and they will) they can get over it, deal with it, move on.

I took quite a few drugs when I was a teen. I hope my own DC won't, but I can't protect them completely from drugs by keeping them in the house, not letting them socialise etc. All I can do is educate them and hope that they make sensible choices.

crunchymint · 21/02/2018 13:50

Of course we should not accept it. We involve the police. And as I said I suspect this is much rarer than we were kids because now the police take this seriously.

Elocutioner · 21/02/2018 13:51

I went to a girls school so it was like bees to a honey jar as far as flashers went.

None of us thought a thing about it.

It's a penis. So what? I'd probably tell my DD it was a sad old man with mental health issues and she should ignore, then tell an adult.

TheDailyMailIsADisgustingRag · 21/02/2018 13:52

when they have experiences like that (and they will) they can get over it, deal with it, move on.

At the age of 7 or 8? Every child will experience flashing and other stuff with older boys before they reach 9? Bollocks, sorry.

Elocutioner · 21/02/2018 13:52

I didn't give an age TheDailyMail

TheDailyMailIsADisgustingRag · 21/02/2018 13:55

Yes, but I did in the post you were responding to. That was the point I was trying to make - of course you can’t protect them forever! But I think too much freedom, too young isn’t great either. I thought I’d made that point quite clear, but perhaps not.

Mymycherrypie · 21/02/2018 13:55

Plus, by supervising your kids you can be fairly sure that they won’t see a flasher. Even if they did, you’d be there to protect them and explain the behaviour as wrong. A young girl on her own may not understand what’s gone on, may not tell you, you have no way of knowing because you weren’t there, you can’t help her move past what feelings that may have stirred in her of guilt or shame. And you’d never even know it had happened.

crunchymint · 21/02/2018 13:56

So those arguing that we need to protect children and not allow freedom, what age do you allow them out unsupervised?

Elocutioner · 21/02/2018 13:57

MyMy that's exactly why I'm saying you educate - you don't just open the door and tell the kids to come back when they're 15. You talk about these things.

Actually the post I was responding to Daily mentioned aged 12, which is probably about the age I was when I first got flashed at.

Elocutioner · 21/02/2018 13:58

Plus, by supervising your kids you can be fairly sure that they won’t see a flasher

No you can't!! How do you work that out?

SaucyJack · 21/02/2018 13:58

I dunno.

I used to be more laid back, but I got a bit put off by letting mine play out unsupervised after seeing our immediate neighbour on the front page of the local news for downloading images of child sex abuse.

Unless you live in a village with a population of 7, then there probably is a paedo around every corner.

Of course, that doesn't mean they'll fancy your kid or even do anything about it if they do. But still. There's hundreds and thousands of them out there, and no one'll tell who they are.

YellowMakesMeSmile · 21/02/2018 13:59

You can call other parents over protective but it's far better they are then let them roam free at jus six years of age and going to school alone at nine. I don't get why you'd have them if they just get left to do it themselves anyway.

UgandanKnuckles · 21/02/2018 13:59

I grew up in the ancient past of the 90s/early 00s and I had a lot of freedom; I didn't really have any curfews or "rules" about going out, just that I wasn't to take the piss. I had a set of keys from around the age of 9 so that I could let myself in after school unless no one was home, and when I was in secondary my parents would go out for a few hours on a Saturday night and leave me home alone which I absolutely LOVED. I wasn't neglected, and managed to come out of my childhood pretty much unscathed. (And I live in what some might call a rough, impoverished town.)

On the other hand, I've found that the the people I knew growing up whose parents stifled them were the ones to go totally off the rails the second they got a sniff of independence because they'd never been allowed it before. Alcohol, drugs, pregnancies, you name it. I've never even smoked a cigarette.

TheDailyMailIsADisgustingRag · 21/02/2018 14:00

@elocutioner

Oh my mistake. I assumed this;

I accept that experiences you had "which were a bit grim" are undesirable and you'd rather your kids didn't have the same.

was in response to my post at the top of this page^^.

Mymycherrypie · 21/02/2018 14:01

Well so far it’s been called par for the course which I think is a shocking piece of information for a 12 year old to receive. It’s not at all and shouldn’t be accepted as such.

I can educate my DC as much as I like about stabbing but will that stop the gangs of thugs who congretate outside the schools in London from putting a knife in him?

crunchymint · 21/02/2018 14:01

No one is accepting kids being flashed at.

Mymycherrypie · 21/02/2018 14:03

And my stance on this will make my DC no more likely to take MDMA at university either. Or have (oh my good gosh) actual sex at uni! 😂

Elocutioner · 21/02/2018 14:04

You can call other parents over protective but it's far better they are then let them roam free at jus six years of age and going to school alone at nine. I don't get why you'd have them if they just get left to do it themselves anyway.

See that just comes across to me as super ignorant, yellow, which I feel kind of proves my point.

Sorry Daily I was probably conflating two things - generally "negative" experiences at primary school age (I remember run ins with "weirdos" - probably people with MH issues - at that age) rather than specifically experiences with flashers, which happened more once I'd started secondary school.

Elocutioner · 21/02/2018 14:05

MyMy I think you are confusing the fact that:

  1. I don't find flashing at children OR adults acceptable

But

  1. I accept that in real life it happens, and I equip my DC to deal with what is potentially a fairly likely occurrence.
Elocutioner · 21/02/2018 14:06

I had plenty of freedom as a kid and I still took drugs at uni. I don't think that one causes the other....

Alwayslumpyporridge · 21/02/2018 14:07

I wonder if people opinions are swayed on here by whether or not they had a "grim" experience, an incident/near miss growing up....

SaskaTchewan · 21/02/2018 14:09

In my own teen experience, the really wild kids were the ones who had free range in an empty house where they could throw parties and behave in a way other parents did not tolerate. Yes, they were cool, they smoke, they drunk, they had sex very young. Not sure how much happier they were, and how more successful they are today.

In my area, the few kids who are seen wandering in the streets alone come across as poor kids with near neglectful or lazy parents at best.