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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let him visit me in hospital

59 replies

Needsleepnow87 · 21/02/2018 08:27

Bored as baby asleep next to me. I gave birth yesterday via emergency c section. Have catheter in and trying to breastfeed.

My mum wants to come visit me in hospital tomorrow and wants to bring her DP (I’m not particularly keen on him). He also wants to meet the baby.

I told my mum she could come but not her DP.

  1. I would like my own DP to meet my baby before him.
  1. I’m a complete mess and will probably need to get my boobs out during the visit.

He’s apparently thrown a huge tantrum to the point where my mum and him have fallen out. He’s acting like a child.

AIBU?

OP posts:
QOD · 21/02/2018 08:28

WHeres your own dp? And no yanbu

PositivelyPERF · 21/02/2018 08:29

Not if the prick has thrown a tantrum. Is there any chance that your mum will just turn up with him?

Why hasn’t your partner been to see you and your baby?

Afreshcuppateaplease · 21/02/2018 08:29

Yanbu op

Original poster
Needsleepnow87 · 21/02/2018 08:32

Sorry not my DP. He has seen him. I meant my own DF.

OP posts:
LagunaBubbles · 21/02/2018 08:32

Where is your own partner?

DartmoorDoughnut · 21/02/2018 08:32

You’re totally not being unreasonable

blueskyinmarch · 21/02/2018 08:33

Where is your own DP? How long will it be before he come to see you and the baby? I think it is fair not to have someone you don't know well to visit. Will you allow your mum to visit even if your DP hasn't been?

Original poster
Needsleepnow87 · 21/02/2018 08:33

Apparently he’s said stuff like “well I won’t bother to see her at all then”

I mean, come on, he’s not a father figure to me at all. I barely know him!

OP posts:
blueskyinmarch · 21/02/2018 08:34

Oh ok - cross post. Just ask you mum to come alone then. Ignore the man-child tantrumming to get his own way.

snackarella · 21/02/2018 08:34

You're not bu at all. My mum didn't bring her dp when my babies were born. It's weird them seeing you in hosp in that state! X

woundedbutwalking · 21/02/2018 08:35

Your DM can handle this you've got enough to be getting on with!. YANBU.

Congratulations on your new baby Thanks

ItsNiceItsDifferentItsUnusual · 21/02/2018 08:35

You're being unreasonable at all. Far too familiar for someone you hardly know.

I hope your mum is suitably appalled with him.

SaucyJack · 21/02/2018 08:36

Oh fuck him. Start as you mean to go on.

Better he learns now that tantrums and manipulation aren't going to give him any sway over seeing your baby.

Your Mum is a grown woman who has chosen to put up with this knob. You did not.

Original poster
Needsleepnow87 · 21/02/2018 08:37

My mum is apallaed to he point where they’ve had a huge fall out. She does tell me he is quite controlling in general.

OP posts:
agbnb · 21/02/2018 08:38

He sounds selfish and immature.

You've had major surgery not even 24hrs ago, trying to establish bonding, probably can't even walk or toilet yourself properly.... And he throws a tantrum because he doesn't get to see you?

What planet is he on?

I hope your DH and mum are protecting you from this sort of crap shortly.

bluejelly · 21/02/2018 08:39

Congratulations on your newborn! But yes, totally up to you who visits and totally reasonable to say you just want to see your Mum. Stay strong.

Laiste · 21/02/2018 08:39

Let him tantrum. How unattractive.

You have who you want to visit you in hospital, not who shouts loudest.

Who's telling you about him tantruming? Who ever that is should be ashamed of themselves as well. Poor bloody new mum just wants a bit of peace for a couple of days in hospital!

HollyBayTree · 21/02/2018 08:41

How bizarre. He's had a tantrum over not meeting a baby produced by someone he barely knows?

Ridiculous

Laiste · 21/02/2018 08:41

I guess it's you mum telling you OP.

Why isn't she shielding you from his idiotic ways? Up to her if she wants to be with him, no need to lay it at your door.

Bluelady · 21/02/2018 08:41

Totally reasonable. I imagine you'll be delighted to see your mum. Anyone with an atom of sensitivity would realise you don't want a male semi stranger visiting you.

Nan0second · 21/02/2018 08:41

By tomorrow your catheter should be out and you will be up and out of bed (should be today for most people the day after a caesarean but obviously I don’t know your individual medical circumstances).
Yes you may have to feed your baby but that is going to be a regular thing from this point.
Of course you can choose whoever you want to visit. However a visiting time visit from somebody is actually a darn site easier than them coming when you are at home. (You don’t have to host, they get kicked out by the midwives).
You may even be going home tomorrow assuming baby is well?!
I let my MIL partner visit in hospital. No point having drama in my view and it meant I was then left alone for a couple of weeks at home!

acornsandnuts · 21/02/2018 08:42

I would also pre warn the midwives that he may turn up but you don’t want him allowed in. They’re quite good at fielding unwanted visitors.

DenPerry · 21/02/2018 08:43

YANBU. It's a very fragile time, emotionally and having all kinds of stuff coming out of your body, drains attached etc.. I didn't have anyone visit me in the 3 days I was at hospital, even DP only came once as we had a toddler at home. I think visits are best when you are settled and starting to recover.

OnTheRise · 21/02/2018 08:43

You don't have to have anyone visit you in hospital if you don't want to. He has no rights to visit you, and is being ridiculous. Your mother would be better off without him and if he decides to never visit you again because of this then that'll be good.

Congratulations on your new baby, by the way. Even though having a baby is wonderful it's also such a hard time: you don't need anyone making it worse for you. Let your mother's DP act out all he wants. It's not your problem.

nannybeach · 21/02/2018 08:47

He sounds awful, well done you, (been there done the emergency C section thing etc etc) you are definitely NOT bu

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