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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let him visit me in hospital

59 replies

Needsleepnow87 · 21/02/2018 08:27

Bored as baby asleep next to me. I gave birth yesterday via emergency c section. Have catheter in and trying to breastfeed.

My mum wants to come visit me in hospital tomorrow and wants to bring her DP (I’m not particularly keen on him). He also wants to meet the baby.

I told my mum she could come but not her DP.

  1. I would like my own DP to meet my baby before him.
  1. I’m a complete mess and will probably need to get my boobs out during the visit.

He’s apparently thrown a huge tantrum to the point where my mum and him have fallen out. He’s acting like a child.

AIBU?

OP posts:
saladdays66 · 21/02/2018 08:47

It's up to you who you have visit you in hospital. If your stepdad ahs thrown a tantrum, I wouldn't want to see him either!

Ask your mum to come by herself. (And then maybe she might rethink her relationship with him.)

Congratulations :)

Floralnomad · 21/02/2018 08:49

YANBU , and probably doing your mum a favour as she can see him in his true light . Congratulations on your new arrival .

ChaosNeverRains · 21/02/2018 08:50

Apparently he’s said stuff like “well I won’t bother to see her at all then” result then. Grin call his bluff and hope he follows through. Grin.

sexnotgender · 21/02/2018 08:50

YANBU, you have just had major surgery and your view is the only one that matters here.

Original poster
Needsleepnow87 · 21/02/2018 08:51

They’ve been together 10 years and I would still say I hardly know him! He’s hard to get to know, quite cold and comes across very judgemental.

My mum is telling me this. I now feel guilty I’ve put a strain on their relationship! Apparently he feels hurt by it. Maybe rejected?

Maybe he thinks there’s more of a relationship there than I do.

OP posts:
OfDragonsDeep · 21/02/2018 08:55

Your mum shouldn't be telling you all this. Tell your mum to come on her own and let them sort out their own problems. Concentrate on your lovely baby Flowers

Laiste · 21/02/2018 08:56

Oh blimey just don't worry about it OP Flowers

You're sitting in hospital with a new baby, hormones raging about and worrying about something which is not your fault or problem. You're catastrophising! Grin

Concentrate on you and your new little one. Your mum's partner will get over it. Or he won't. And frankly if he won't then he's an idiot and not worth the head space.

Itscurtainsforyou · 21/02/2018 08:59

Why is your mum telling you this? To persuade you to change your mind?

You are when within your rights to refuse. I was in for over a week and apart from my parents visiting on day 1 before they went away, I refused to let anyone visit me in hospital. I found it all too much to deal with being in hospital without additional hassle.

Stick to your guns

Inertia · 21/02/2018 09:00

You're the patient, you don't have to see anyone you don't want to.

Let him tantrum.

MrsElvis · 21/02/2018 09:00

I hope this puts your Mum off him for good. Wtf?!

DenPerry · 21/02/2018 09:01

Yeah she shouldn't even be telling you this when you've just had a baby! Talk about guilt tripping.

Sweetpea55 · 21/02/2018 09:03

Make sure that you tell the nurses that you don't want him in just in case he turns up

Popchyk · 21/02/2018 09:03

Congratulations on your new baby.

Try to focus on that, don't let your mum's relationship dramas interfere in what should be a happy time. Tell your mum that she's welcome to visit, but you are in no emotional state to hear about her relationship problems right now. Given that you've just had a baby and major surgery and all. Get your own DP to spell it out to her if need be.

I'd also want to see my own father before my mum's partner also.

cadburyegg · 21/02/2018 09:05

YANBU. I had no visitors in hospital apart from DH

Buxbaum · 21/02/2018 09:07

Congratulations, OP.

YANBU at all. Perhaps this incident will enable your mum to see this man in a new, unflattering light.

Chifi · 21/02/2018 09:11

Congratulations on your new baby Flowers

For a start you didn't put a strain on their relationship. He did! Don't back down, you'll be fuming forever after it. Relax and get used to your baby. You choose who visits and don't feel guilty.

Original poster
Needsleepnow87 · 21/02/2018 09:11

Yeah I think you’re right, my mum shouldn’t be telling me. But she’s not doing it to guilt trip me. She agrees with me. She just said he’s upset he can’t come, I asked why and she told me more from there.

OP posts:
Arealhumanbeing · 21/02/2018 09:11

YANBU.

Your Mum needs to dump her partner.

GetOffTheTableMabel · 21/02/2018 09:12

You need your mother to have your back on this. You’re not even back in your knickers yet. If this man cannot understand that you feel vulnerable and unwell after major surgery then there his compassion and empathy are seriously wanting. This is not about HIM and he needs telling that.
Congratulations op Flowers

EB123 · 21/02/2018 09:13

YANBU

I don't know why people think they have some kind of right to visit when you can be in a pretty vulnerable state.

annandale · 21/02/2018 09:14

Stop worrying about it. Feed your baby and rest. Refer everyone to your dp/the midwife. They should be ashamed of themselves.

Aeroflotgirl · 21/02/2018 09:14

God he sounds awful, don't give in to him, your not close, he has no right. Your mum can deal with him.

Aeroflotgirl · 21/02/2018 09:16

You are not responsible for him or his feelings, keep telling yourself that. He doesent sound very nice.

Kittysparks1 · 21/02/2018 09:17

Yanbu. I wouldn't even let any one come to the hospital as in similar situation. Not for the whole week I was there (situation for worse).
Just say no, get your partner to deal with it, and you focus on what needs to be focused on, your baby and your recovery. Forget the drama.
Congrats!

mamas12 · 21/02/2018 09:20

Tell your mum very kindly that you have other things to concentrate on at the moment and to leave him at home you don't need to know and when she visits on her own don't talk about it
This is your time to recover and be stress free as poss
Get then is wives to block him coming too ok
Enjoy your baby