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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Entitled daughters

60 replies

ciele · 20/02/2018 08:11

I have always suffered from anxiety, diagnosed GAD and take anti depressants and propanalol to counter pounding heart beat etc.
My husband and mother both add to my stress levels and daughters who are young women (one still at home but working and saving for deposit) still behave like brats at times.
AIBU to just meditate and try to ignore? I feel like setting off a rape alarm to set their nerves jangling!

OP posts:
SnowsInApril · 20/02/2018 08:14

I really hope that was a joke about the alarm.

Imchangingmyname · 20/02/2018 08:18

Why on earth would you want to set off a rape alarm?!
Do you stand up to them? Tell them their behaviour is unacceptable?

goody2shooz · 20/02/2018 08:19

Why do you have to mediate? Who are you mediating between? Perhaps just get up and leave the room if someone starts? If your daughter is obnoxious to you suggest she might prefer to live elsewhere, can be said very sweetly...you don't say how any of the stresses are caused eg with your mother, but presumably your daughters are aware you're on medication for anxiety etc? Maybe remind them you are unwell.and would appreciate some consideratipn of that.

MsHomeSlice · 20/02/2018 08:20

ofgs, rape alarm FOR THE NOISE not because there is any other reason! Catch yourself on and try helping the OP or just scroll on by!

Are the meds helping OP? You sound worn down and at your tether's end tbh.

Is it stuff you could let go, take it easy for a while and realise that not doing XYZ is not going to cause the end of the world?
Do you ever get any time to just be or is someone always at you?

SnowsInApril · 20/02/2018 08:20

Just in case you are actually considering it, please think of the potential hearing damage and subsequent lifelong debilitating tinnitus it could induce. All because you feel a bit stressed.

Who would do that to their family.

I think you will say it was a joke now anyway.

SnowsInApril · 20/02/2018 08:21

Yes we knew it was for the noise homeslice Hmm

Greenglassteacup · 20/02/2018 08:21

Meditate not mediate. Read the post

Greenglassteacup · 20/02/2018 08:21

Maybe seek some help for your anxiety OP

fatalAttractions · 20/02/2018 08:23

Rape alarm = loud noise as I'm sure you well knew @snows

@goody2shooz - the OP said "meditate" not mediate.

@OP - no, you're not unreasonable to ignore adults and let them sort it out amongst themselves.

Phosphorus · 20/02/2018 08:23

If they have lived with your anxiety for years, they probably find it very draining.

It is telling that you consider all of your family to be causing you stress.

Perhaps they are exasperated.

They are working, and trying to save to leave. They are adults, so leave them to it. Perhaps you are contributing to your own issues.

SnowsInApril · 20/02/2018 08:24

Yes fatalattraction I did not comment on the rape aspect at all, my first thought was the damaging noise.

Reading comprehension. You too can master it.

TeddyIsaHe · 20/02/2018 08:25

Bloody hell, have you actually set off a rape alarm Snows? My sister and I set both ours off to test them and no one has lasting hearin damage 😂 Slightly dramatic!

honeylulu · 20/02/2018 08:26

In what way are your daughters being brats?
How do you husband and mother add to your stress levels?
There is so little information in your post it's hard to advise.

Yes meditation is a good idea if it keeps you calm and relaxed.

ginplease8383 · 20/02/2018 08:27

Phosphorous- kick a girl whilst she’s down why don’t you??? Honestly.

No to the rape alarm but I see why you’d feel like doing that, families can drive you to the edge. definitely have an adult chat to them about how they are impacting you at the moment and go get your mess reviewed!

ginplease8383 · 20/02/2018 08:27

Meds* sorry!

JoyTheUnicorn · 20/02/2018 08:28

Phosphorous would you say that about other illnesses?

Beats me why anyone bothers posting in MNfightclub AIBU. Supportive and understanding it ain't.

WitchesHatRim · 20/02/2018 08:29

Just in case you are actually considering it, please think of the potential hearing damage and subsequent lifelong debilitating tinnitus it could induce.

Are you always quite so OTT? Hmm

Original poster
ciele · 20/02/2018 08:31

I wasn’t joking about the rape alarm. I am disabled so often cannot just get up and move or indeed have the energy for more confrontation.
They act in a spoiled selfish way more typical of teenagers.
Husband and mother both have serious issues of their own.
I have plenty of other family and friends who don’t cause me stress so I really don’t think it’s me.
Have you any good ideas how to deal with this?
I am on medication and do MEDITATE!

OP posts:
PigletWasPoohsFriend · 20/02/2018 08:32

All because you feel a bit stressed.

This type of response goes to show what people think of those who are struggling with their MH.

Quaza · 20/02/2018 08:32

OP, I hope you can filter out the unpleasant and unkind posts! Not sure why your thread has attracted them.

Phosphorus · 20/02/2018 08:35

But presumably the friends and family who don't cause you stress are not living with you.

Living with someone, and particularly a parent, with long term anxiety issues can be unbelievably difficult.

When nothing changes over the years, people do just switch off and grow apart to preserve their own mental health.

What exactly is the behaviour you object to? Is it normal every day thoughtlessness, or do you acknowledged (as you mentioned them) that your own issues play a part?

MrsDilber · 20/02/2018 08:40

You've come to the wrong place to talk about MH problems op. Try the forum on No More Panic, you'll get the advice you seek there.

As for your daughter's, I'd sit them down and give them a serious talk about how you're feeling and how their behaviour impacts. But the main point is, that they are adults now and should act like it.

I've had GAD and depression since losing my daughter to cancer, it's horrible and not trivial in any way. I'm also on a cocktail of anti depressants and top dose propranolol (the former really helped with panic attacks). Recently had Pregabalin added, which has really helped.

Greenglassteacup · 20/02/2018 08:40

Have you tried talking therapy for anxiety OP?

goody2shooz · 20/02/2018 08:43

Oops sorry for the mediate/meditate mix up Confused .

Calic0 · 20/02/2018 08:43

Anxiety is terrible and debilitating and you have my every sympathy.

However, I also know from bitter experience that it can make the sufferer come across as very introverted and self absorbed (sometimes you have to be if you’re only just coping) and that can be tough for family to live with.

I’m sure that it is tough for you all but frank communication is probably what is needed here.