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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Parents avoiding 1st Birthday party due to sick child

80 replies

desperatelyseekingcruising · 19/02/2018 21:59

I'm prepared to be told IABU, just feeling a bit fed up really.
DSD had a heart attack a few years ago, and is now very twitchy about his health. This I can understand, but to such a degree that he and my DM will happily miss important family events if there is so much as a sniffle in the vicinity. Tonight was my DS's first birthday party, and due to DD (10yrs) having a vomiting episode and taking to bed after school, they have decided to swerve the entire thing.
I feel that other grandparents would want to celebrate regardless, and there is probably more risk of catching something from a trolley at Tesco than a child not even in the same room. I get that he's nervous about sickness, but due to having three school age children...it's unlikely there will be an event in the forseeable future that doesn't involve at least one snotty nose!

OP posts:

duckingfisaster · 19/02/2018 22:43

I would totally avoid a house with a vomiting child, regardless of whether it was once or not and whether they were in the same room or not. The heart attack thing is irrelevant. Just celebrate with them another time - if it were my parents I'd be telling them not to come.

Dontsweathesmallstuff · 19/02/2018 22:45

Just offering a different perspective having seen a heart attack first hand. It is very frightening, and can leave the sufferer twitchy because they suddenly face their own mortality. The possibility of it happening again remains with them for life. Your DSF is probably on lifelong medication, so he can’t exactly put it to the back of his mind.

Yes, yes, yes.
Much better explained than i did

Riverside2 · 19/02/2018 22:47

YABVVU
I haven't had a heart attack and I wouldn't attend either.

JoeyMaynardssolidlump · 19/02/2018 22:54

I am a grandparent and have recently had a horrendous virus from our poor grand daughter. It went through the whole house and quite frankly caused havoc with my elderly parents rendering them incontinent, guess who had to clean up!! And my dh and our other grown up children Ill for weeks. It was noro virus.

Absolutkry 100% you are being unreasonable and no way on this earth should you be putting anyone at risk from this vomiting bug.

TheJoyOfSox · 19/02/2018 22:55

I can sympathise with both you and your dsd. I don’t think yabvu, but don’t blame dad for being careful either. Nobody wants vomit bugs!

Lizzie48 · 19/02/2018 22:56

Vomiting isn't the same as a cold, I'm not surprised they cancelled. You can easily reschedule. It's not as if your DS will notice either way. I do understand that it will be disappointing for you of course.

Pearlsaringer · 19/02/2018 22:58

Sorry, don’t mind me, just popping back to sort something out

its not it’s ffs sodding autocorrect

SandyY2K · 19/02/2018 23:02

I think the issue is also your DM not being prepared to come on her own.

I wouldn't be so bothered about a Stepdad...but is like to think my own mother would attend.

crunchymint · 19/02/2018 23:06

I just wanted to add that kids generally get over things really really quickly. But what can be a minor illness to a young kid, can be really serious in older people or anyone with health problems. It is why people who have heart attacks are chased up to have flu jabs, because flu could kill them.
I appreciate though that you miss them at events.

strawberrypenguin · 19/02/2018 23:17

On this occasion he was not being unreasonable. Vomiting bugs should not be spread around. I’d have avoided coming as well

saladdays66 · 19/02/2018 23:18

Even if your dd has just been sick once, PLEASE keep them off for 48 hours.

A cold is not the same as fucking D&V. Your 1yo will be none the wiser - plan a party when you are all better.

crunchymint · 19/02/2018 23:22

I do think sometimes parents can get used to vomiting and all the usual childhood illnesses and so see them as very minor, which they are for healthy kids.

patchysmum · 19/02/2018 23:33

The DD was sick once that does not mean it was a vomiting bug,she could have eaten something that disagreed with her. DM could have gone on her own and as the dd was in another room the chances of her passing anything on would have been very small

Itchytights · 19/02/2018 23:33

With the grandparents on this and I think you are being incredibly inconsiderate.

I would avoid you as would most people.

On another note, will you be abiding by the 48 hour rule re school or will you be happy to share those germs with other children?

I guessed it would be the latter.

Sorry but you are being very unreasonable.

mummyhaschangedhername · 19/02/2018 23:34

If I hear the word sickness I run a mile. I certainly wouldn't want to be around anyone who even had the chance of passing on a sickness bug.

As for avoiding any illness, I have certainly come across many a parent whose child has life threatening illnesses when young and now are very careful and mindful of their child's health. I'm not sure I'm in a place to judge if they are being unreasonable, but it does often come across as over cautious, but without all the facts it's hard to know.

But I think where sickness bugs are concerned it's really not sensible to mix with others, so regardless of the heart condition, I would say it's more than reasonable to keep their distance for 48 hours.

crunchymint · 19/02/2018 23:37

The chance of him catching anything may be small. But if catching a vomiting bug could be serious for him, then fear will make him stay away.
I think a bigger issue is that your DM will not come alone.

Italiangreyhound · 19/02/2018 23:56

YABU, you can't force your parents to celebrate your child's birthday.

I'd give a birthday party a wide birth if someone had a vomiting bug, regardless of what room they would be in.

Are there any other children between your 1 year old and 10 year old? If there are not then I can understand that the first birthday of a new baby, especially a sibling for your 10 year old is a big deal to you.

I'm afraid, speaking as an older person (fifties) health issues do come to dominate and I am not even a grandma yet! Cut them some slack and re-do the cake and presents in a few weeks so baby gets two special days, maybe.

NewYearNiki · 19/02/2018 23:57

I vomited once after a long day and tiredness and had a bad tummy. Had a bit of dizziness in the morning.

Called work and explained. They called back and said they really needed me in. I went.

One by one everyone on my office floor went down with d and or v. Hope they were satisfied. It caused more disruption to make one sick person come in.

Naty1 · 20/02/2018 00:02

I would postpone. However having kids i see that dp and i often dont catch their sick bugs. Oldest 6yo and ive been ill at the same time once. And ill without anyone else recently too. Whereas they have been sick a lot. Dd2 maybe 4-6 imstances in the year. And dd1 3 but lots over her 6 years.
What seems to happen is the kids get sick with what to us is cold/flu so cough runny nose etc turns their stomach. And both kids get that plus tummy issues and maybe ear infection. As i say sometimes ive got the virus but dont get d&v.

Normally an older child will get stomach pain before being sick.

MrsDilber · 20/02/2018 00:40

Yabu.

Clawdy · 20/02/2018 10:48

Why are people saying DM should come on her own? She could catch it and pass it onto him - and why should she risk a bug herself which is much harder to shake off when you are older? And saying the child is in another room makes no difference at all - you can still catch it, quite easily.

YellowMakesMeSmile · 20/02/2018 11:30

YABVU, who invites guests when there is a sickness bug and a cold in the house. A first birthday is really only for the parents, the baby doesn't know and what remember.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 20/02/2018 11:39

You do realise that despite being many years post his heart attack he could still be on a whole heap of meds to maintain his cardiac health? He could be in a degree of heart failure? He could be on longer term anti coagulation? A D and V bug could seriously mess with this.
A heart attack isn’t a cold that you just get better from it can and often does cause a lifetime of health issues
Jeez people really are this self absorbed aren’t they.

grannytomine · 20/02/2018 11:47

It would be better to rearrange the party, poor DD upstairs feeling awful knowing everyone is downstairs enjoying themselves.

Lonecatwithkitten · 20/02/2018 12:08

Quite a lot of the cardiac meds leave you open to infection and a more serious version of that infection.
My DP has had stents fitted and as a result is on the usual cocktail of cardiac drugs. 50% of the sniffles he catches deteriorate into much more serious infections he has required 7 courses of antibiotics in the last year had septic arthritis twice, sinusitis three times and a burst ear drum in the last 12 months.
A small sniffle to you can be so very serious to someone with a long term health condition.

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