Parents avoiding 1st Birthday party due to sick child

[desperatelyseekingcruising]

I'm prepared to be told IABU, just feeling a bit fed up really.
DSD had a heart attack a few years ago, and is now very twitchy about his health. This I can understand, but to such a degree that he and my DM will happily miss important family events if there is so much as a sniffle in the vicinity. Tonight was my DS's first birthday party, and due to DD (10yrs) having a vomiting episode and taking to bed after school, they have decided to swerve the entire thing.
I feel that other grandparents would want to celebrate regardless, and there is probably more risk of catching something from a trolley at Tesco than a child not even in the same room. I get that he's nervous about sickness, but due to having three school age children...it's unlikely there will be an event in the forseeable future that doesn't involve at least one snotty nose!

I think you should cancel the party, and reschedule, as it is very infectious, and you might come down with it. I was so pissed off at a friend, when dd was 1 we went to a party at her house, what she failed to tell us was that, they had just recovered from D&V 2 days ago. Well dd was ill a few days later with it, I was not happy to say the least.

Im in good health. I wouldnt go near your home with a vomiting child.

When I'm a grandparent I won't want to miss a thing

Funnily enough none of my grandparents were at any of my parties or my christening. They didnt live near us.

I think you are being too touchy.

People like you OP are why these bugs spread and can be fatal to others

"Oh I KNOW they SAY 72 hours, but it was a special occasion/already booked/had been a whole hour"

I bet you would want to miss the vomitting bug, not nice for anybody, especially the elderly.

P.s. It's not "paranoia" to not want to catch/ spread D&V.
It's sensible/considerate

I'm a grandparent, and I have a partner who's had a heart attack at 51. The type they call the 'Widowmaker' as they're usually fatal. Yes we avoid bugs if we know they're there. Its left him with Angina, that's exacerbated by any type of bug that puts strain on his body.

To be honest I don't want to be at EVERYTHING either. Jeez, my youngest is only 16, I've only just finished the whole round of school plays, parents evenings, parties, sports days etc myself. I'm so not ready to do it again!

It's not nice for your parents to be missing these events, for both parties. But I get how your step dad feels. He may well be having anxiety around his health and wouldn't enjoy or be able to relax around an ill person.

We have a family rule, anyone whose home has a nasty bug lets other family members know so that we can avoid each other. We don`t go near our grandchildren if we are ill. We have caught many a cold off them, you cannot avoid that, but D&V is a no contact illness. Happy to shop, go to chemists, cook up something for them all during a nasty illness. Older folk just do not pick up as quickly afterwards.

My dm finished chemo at the beginning of last year. She went to my dn's birthday party in December and caught the vomiting bug. She ended up in hospital. Supposedly minor bugs which children get all the time can cause serious complications in older people.

Pancake and it's people like you that don't like posting in AIBU. I've said I would reconsider, you don't need to post THREE times to tell me how unreasonable I am. FFS.

OP, fair play to you for reconsidering feeling annoyed. I think you were being unreasonable but now you aren’t 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻

First birthday parties are sweet but I don’t think they are the type of thing that everyone has to go to. The baby won’t care at all. How about arranging another get together with your DM and DSDad another time.

"you don't need to post THREE times to tell me how unreasonable I am. FFS."

Really? Is this thread really the first time you've ever heard that you're supposed to stay away from others if you're in contact with D&V? Unlikely! So it's apparent that you actually DO need to be told multiple times that yes! That does apply to your household too!!

I wouldn't come until you were 48 hours clear. Little lass can have 2 parties, lucky her

Yes you are being extremely unreasonable.
I have had a heart attack and (even if i hadn't) I wouldn't touch you with a barge pole if there's a d&v bug going around.

And why are you comparing a sniffle to a d&v episode. No comparison.
And BTW a sniffle that may actually turn out to be a bad episode of flu even if you dont realise at the beginning can be fucking dangerous to someone who has/had heart problems.

Why would you want to host a party for a child too young to know about it whilst you had a vomiting child in the house? I think you should avoid spreading infection and reschedule or cancel.

I'm a grandparent, I adore my grandsons, and would hate to miss one of their parties, but I would never go near a house where someone had a vomiting bug, even if they were upstairs all the time.It is so much harder to shake off illness as you get older. YABU.

Are you really annoyed or are you just disappointed because you were looking forward to celebrating with them, and in your mental picture of your child's first birthday, your parents were there?

I don't go to houses with sick people in. We all have asthma and what loks like a minor thing can turn into full blown flu the next day, so even if you seem a tiny bit ill, we don't visit - or let you in.

I can’t imagine being worried about a children’s vomiting bug. I’ve never had a heart attack though.

His heart attack presumably hasn’t made affected his immune system or made his reaction to stomach bugs any different to anyone else’s though- do you know what his specific worry is? Anxiety maybe?

Just offering a different perspective having seen a heart attack first hand. It is very frightening, and can leave the sufferer twitchy because they suddenly face their own mortality. The possibility of it happening again remains with them for life. Your DSF is probably on lifelong medication, so he can’t exactly put it to the back of his mind.

I suppose what I am trying to say is try not to be upset if he swerves family events, in his mind he has good reason. And a first birthday party is precious to you, but your child won’t mind if it’s DGPs aren’t there.

Swerving family events where germs are about I mean, not because they are heart attack inducing per se!

It's a real shame when you have something planned and one of your children pukes just at the wrong moment, isn't it? But postponing is the usual done thing, and if not, pre-warning with an 'at your own risk' caveat for anyone foolhardy enough to still come along is a must, imo.

DD3 (8) suddenly came down with a one-off violent shivering/shaking episode last night, couldn't tell us what was wrong for about 30 minutes, then said "oh, I think I'm going to be sick!" Just enough time for DH to run to the kitchen, grab a bowl and shove it into DD's hands (no way she could walk) and she puked her entire stomach contents from the whole day. But that was that. Felt better, went to bed. Hasn't been sick since.

Honestly Op I wish my dps were as careful as your dm and dsd. We warned them about going to birthday parties when dm was recovering but they don't want to look like they're ignoring the dc's birthdays. I honestly thought we'd lose my dm in December as she was so poorly after catching the vomiting bug.

I really hope you didn't make your unreasonable annoyance obvious to them. I have a severely compromised immune system due to cancer and my family drive me crazy as they share your attitude. They see me as awkward and selfish because I will not expose myself to any illnesses they have. They use snide comments to let me know that I am being too careful, when it is obvious I am not that bad because (a) I look alright and (b) I haven't been ill for ages - never seems to occur to them that is because I take care to stay away from the germs they are all too willing to expose me to.

What if DM or DSD had had d&v.

Would you want them to come.