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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask what you would change about your own childhood?

94 replies

Bluetree · 19/02/2018 07:15

I'm interested to know what you would have changed about your own childhood? Or how you wish it was different?

My mother lost custody of me and my sibling when we were only toddlers. So obviously I would have had a 'normal' mother. But also things like, I wish we did more as a children. I wish my father took us out more, explored more, interacted more. I would have seen more family. Changed our house into a home.

Things like that..

What would you have changed or wished were different?

OP posts:

Happies · 19/02/2018 07:21

I wish my mum had been home more, she was single parent and we went to a childminders during the week. She was good at the functional stuff... getting us to school, food on the table etc but I have no memories of us playing together or her even reading us a story.

Part of me wishes my parents hadn't split but then that could've been worse to live with......

Everyone will have things they carry with them from childhood, these are things I try not to do with my DD but I am sure, i will do things my DD will wish I hadn't etc x

Campanile · 19/02/2018 07:25

I'd change my DM's substance abuse issues, chronic depression, our grinding poverty, the succession of blokes, the violent outbursts and the sanitation issues.

Quite a bit, I know.

bushtailadventures · 19/02/2018 07:27

I would wish for a 'normal' mum, mine had mental health issues and lost custody of us when we were quite small. Visits were few, and difficult.

I would have stayed with my Dad when I hit teenage years, I decided to live with my DM because she was 'better', she wasn't and finding her after her suicide attempts screwed me up for a long time.

Funnily enough, despite all this, I think I had a reasonably happy childhood, I definitely felt loved by all the adults(parents, grandparents, step-parents) in my life.

spidey66 · 19/02/2018 07:27

I wish I hadn't suffered a Catholic education.

mnahmnah · 19/02/2018 07:30

Moving schools. Twice. I had a really hard time both times, once at primary when I was 9 - at that age kids can be so cruel to the new girl. Again when I was 14, again a tough age for teenage girls to not feel especially welcoming!!! As a result i’m not intending on doing the same to my children. I have always been envious of people who are still friends with people from when they were small. I don’t have that, my oldest friends are from when I was 14. I want my children to have that and the stability

BrownTurkey · 19/02/2018 07:34

A diagnosis of ASD for my sibling.

OwtFerNowt · 19/02/2018 07:37

I would wish for my parents to have had some kind of therapy after they lost a baby to SIDS. I should really wish for them to have not lost my sister, but then I wouldn’t exist so it wouldn’t be my childhood I was changing.

Aprilshowerswontbelong · 19/02/2018 07:38

Different dps altogether. And would have some siblings. Lonely as a dc and still am.

Bunbunbunny · 19/02/2018 07:40

Wish someone had told me I was ok despite my mother being cruel to me. That it wasn’t my fault and not everyone is cut out to be a parent, women included. I might not have so many issues with my confidence it someone had even recognised the damage she caused and had protected me.

VanGoghsLeftEar · 19/02/2018 07:47

My parents found talking about feelings and emotions difficult. So even now, we don't talk about my dad's terminal cancer or how we feel the future will go after he's gone. We keep to fuzzy, light subjects. It has affected my relationships and frustrates my husband because it takes a lot to talk about my innermost feelings. I have a strained relationship with my parents now, and feel closer to my ILs, who, if something is on their mind, just say it. It may be upsetting, it may cause an argument, but at least everyone knows where they stand. I like that.

BendydickCuminsnatch · 19/02/2018 07:47

Not anything serious, but since having kids I've realised I needed to be allowed into my parents' bed in the night! I was always brusquely sent away and I don't understand that personally. I was a horrendous sleeper and it was awful! Also to have had a less cluttered house - never really felt comfortable having friends over.

BendydickCuminsnatch · 19/02/2018 07:48

Also I don't remember my mum hugging me as a child, so that's sad. My dad, yes. Neither said I love you though!

Tiredmum100 · 19/02/2018 07:50

Not much to be honest. I feel very lucky when I look back at my childhood. I guess the only thing would to have seen my dad more, but back then he was working 6 days a week to support us, as a result I felt and still feel closer to my mum.

ClemDanfango · 19/02/2018 07:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nyetimber · 19/02/2018 07:55

I actually think looking backwards and blaming your childhood/parents for life’s challenges is quite destructive. Adults are responsible for their own lives, their own happiness and can decide for themselves how they let the past impact on them.
Most parents try their absolute best by their children. Even ‘back in the day’ parents had to work but there was less support, fewer nurseries and childminders etc, Parents rarely played with children; it wasn’t a failing it was a cultural difference. Children grew up being able to entertain themselves.
Confidence comes from within yourself. You have to be willing to let go of the past and look forward.
This sort of post brings out a real victim mentality, sorry.

RadioGaGoo · 19/02/2018 07:57

To have understood exactly what my DM had put up with from my father before and after she divorced him and and appreciated her for it then, when she probably would have needed it the most, not years later.

Sarahh2014 · 19/02/2018 07:59

My childhood was brilliant but I do wish my parents had taught me to stick up for myself more.I was bullied a lot in secondary school

StickStickStickStick · 19/02/2018 08:00

So so much.
Alchol problems despite being middle class and "respectable"
Complete lack of affection.
Not enough food or clothing as a teen- led to some serious eating disorder issues.
Just complete apathy or resentment at having a child in the house.

Since having my kids it's affected me all over again.

Lack of parents now to talk things over with and grandparents to the children :( live local but jot interested. They're also wealthy and were struggling .

Mari50 · 19/02/2018 08:01

Not sure I would change anything, I was lucky and had a pretty good childhood.
Was oblivious to my mums depression.
I think my sisters answer to this might be different though.
Would maybe have been nice if my parents were a bit more ambitious for me, they were pretty laid back from that point of view and seemed happy that I was bright but I was bright and directionless- still am. But that’s not really their fault now ...

claraschu · 19/02/2018 08:04

Hm Nyetimber I think that attitude might be a bit simplistic. Though of course it is also true.

I was a very happy child, but things changed when I got to age 12. I wish my mother had been happy and fulfilled when I was a teenager. I spent ages 12+ trying to keep her from drinking, and that was very bad for me, and desperately sad for her.

Thebookswereherfriends · 19/02/2018 08:04

I wish I had gone to the primary right opposite my house, so that when I started secondary school I would have had some friends. I was chronically shy and it took me the first 2 years to make a couple of friends and even then they were only people I saw at school. I never saw anyone apart from family outside of school time.

FeedtheTree · 19/02/2018 08:05

I'd change the chaos and emotional storms. My DDad is a narcissist and was permanently on the verge of a horrific, furious nervous breakdown. the entire family tiptoed around him and it has left deep marks on us all, particularly on my DSis and me as he doesn't like women very much. We never had any money, which I didn't understand, as friends whose dads worked in the same profession seemed well off. Turns out he had a string of girlfriends (his students!)

isthismummy · 19/02/2018 08:06

I wish my DF hadn't worked away so much. I also wish he'd been a more involved parent.

I wish my DM hadn't worked full time. I'm fairly sure they didn't need the money. She was always exhausted and I remember her just lying on the couch all evening when she got in from work

Redglitter · 19/02/2018 08:08

Absolutely nothing

RedPandaMama · 19/02/2018 08:10

I wish my mum would have had her MH problems treated rather than emotionally abusing me, my sibling and my dad for 20 years. But hey ho.

Also wish my dad had spent more time at home but he's a director of a medium-sized company so is v busy.

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