To ask what you would change about your own childhood?

[Bluetree]

I'm interested to know what you would have changed about your own childhood? Or how you wish it was different?

My mother lost custody of me and my sibling when we were only toddlers. So obviously I would have had a 'normal' mother. But also things like, I wish we did more as a children. I wish my father took us out more, explored more, interacted more. I would have seen more family. Changed our house into a home.

Things like that..

What would you have changed or wished were different?

I would have liked there to be no alcohol abuse, no frequent acts of violence and aggression. I would have liked unconditional love and approval. I would have liked to be listened to and for my experiences to be acknowledged rather than to be mocked and ridiculed or ignored.

I wonder if we should start an Adult Children of Alcoholics the ad. I once read a book about characteristics of adult children and it was chillingly accurate.

Oh and I would have also like consistency and continuity rather than treading on eggshells

Almost everything. I'd have had stable parents in a stable loving environment, lived in one place instead of approx 10, gone to one primary school instead of fibe and one secondary school instead of 2. We'd have had enough money and I would have had new clothes.

I wish my parents had talked to me more about sex and relationships, other thsn saying “don’t dare do it till you’re married”. I had no clue about contraception, and I had to navigate some very difficult and distressing situations on my own, because I didn’t dare speak to my parents. My family are generally very bad at speaking about such things.

I wish I had told my mum how bad my dads drink and drug addiction had got after they spilt up.
I wish I wasn’t neglected and emotionally abused.
I wish I hadn’t been groomed and raped by a much older man as a young teenager.

A normal sister. Mine has severe learning difficulties n mobility issues. I love her to bits, but sometimes, I just wish she was 'normal' and I could have a 'normal' sibling relationship. Feel like I've missed out

Too many 'normal's in that

wish my mum hadn't had a nervous breakdown and fucked off when i as 5.
wish my dad hadn't had an affair with her best friend.
wish my dad had kept me at home instead of sending me to live with relatives 100 miles away.
wish I had been given some guidance and boundaries when I was acting wild as a teenager and begging for them.
wish an adult had actually cared enough to ask me how I was feeling and what I would like my life to be like, even if they couldn't make it happen.

So many things I would change, I don’t even know how to begin listing them all. I didn’t even realise there was anything wrong with my family until I had a child of my own.
for everyone trying to be better parents (or just better people) than their own parents

Had a nice ish childhood. But I wish I didn’t live in a war zone growing up. Also I wish my mum didn’t send my older brother to boarding school and I could have spent more time with him.

To do it again.

Doesn't have to change. Just wish I was young again.

I wish I hadn't been the unwanted child. They, in their words not mine, wanted a lovely daughter but instead they got me.

I'd have liked to have had a warmer house. Not to struggle to get to sleep in winter because I was so cold, not to have had the stereotypical ice on the inside of my bedroom window. To be able to sleep snug under a thick, warm duvet, in a warm room, like we can now. Not to have had to step shivering, hair dripping, wrapped in just a towel, out of the bath into the cold of an unheated bathroom, but to be wrapped in a bathrobe and my hair in a turban, in a heated bathroom. I love the luxury of CH and a properly insulated and DG home that I enjoy now. I know this probably all sounds rather shallow, but the memory of being so cold back then is still with me 40 years later.

Me too, liz70. As well as all you've said, DM thoughtfully opened the back door wide every morning, summer or (freezing cold) winter to “air the room”, regardless of snow, gales, etc.
I was forever being hauled off the hearth for “sitting on top” of the (tiny inadequate) fire. I chose the job of making toast purely so that I could get some blessed heat.
We had a gas fire in every bedroom in those pre central heating days but they were only ever used if you were really ill. I can only think of once, with measles. Hence the iced up windows and numb hands, trying to read in bed.
If it was intended to, it didn't make me at all hardy, just resentful and a bit chesty.

I could have done without the hitting and smacking, both at school and at home. It would be called 'assault by beating' now.

I wish so much that the person I became after my dad died had been there before it happened.

I was so scatty, I forgot my pe kit on the bus, id lose everything in school. My primary school years are a blur of mental fog.

My dad died when I was 12. In the summer before year 8 and After we moved across country to be closer to family, and I was getting more sleep because of no unexpected hospital admissions or visiting dad in a hospital an hour away from our house.

I became a different person. I was confident, clever and I grew up a lot. Guess that's what happens when you lose a parent to cancer and your other parent has it too.. anyway! I wish my dad had seen me blossom into a confident person with friends :)

Everything apart from my grandad. Had a horrible childhood and it still effects me now as I suffer with mental health which I believe is caused by my childhood.

I’d change pretty much everything.
would so dearly love to have had a parent that loved me.

My birth mother, walked out the house when I was less than 4 months old. She left me with my sister who was 18 months older.
She went to Scotland chasing after a bloke. Not sure how long she was gone for.
The neighbour alerted the police.
We were both taken to hospital, then moved to various foster homes and children’s homes.
She took me back, my sister went to live with her Dad, he wasn’t my Dad.
After the fourth time she was given me back, she left me with a friend whilst she when shopping, she never returned.
So more kids homes and foster care.
I had 20+ Moves by the time I was five.

I was subjected to all kinds of abuse, I did three paper rounds and
saved the money from two as my escape fund!
I had some very nice teachers, they looked out for me, I’m not sure what would’ve happened had I not got those kind people.

I was homeless at 17, but was studying and working too.

My escape fund paid to get a mortgage, i was 23.

My children have never witnessed abuse aggression or violence in our home.

I ensure that my young adults know that they are, respected valued and loved

That’s not always easy, their Dad died from cancer, so it’s just me doing the parenting.
It would be lovely if I had someone like a Mum that can share the joy and pride of my threes achievements.
So basically I made my own rules which were the very opposite to the ones I’d grown up under.

Sexual abuse suffered from the age of 7. By a family member. The damage is inter generational and endless.