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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To throw my dads possessions out.

110 replies

Gigimoll · 18/02/2018 09:56

So let me start, the house we're renting is my childhood home. My mom mainly poured all the money into it for me and my brother. My brother died a few years ago so the house is still legally my dad's but always still 'my home'. I've made it into that. I really struggle and I don't have a lot of money and my dad and his girlfriend ran it down to a filthy mess. I've given it love and paint and it's lovely now and I'm paying his mortgage, water everything. But it's not in my name or even that I'm renting.

So the main thing in this was a home for my family (dad has moved out as he's in so much debt for his ex and can't afford to live without my money) and my mom and stepddad decided to help us out (thank gosh) and put a percentage towards buying this house and we put the rest. The idea is in future we all move to the seaside. Me, My two children, my mom, dp and stepddad.

So my dad hasn't been a dad. He let his ex abuse us, wouldn't give my mom money for us and she really struggled with two kids, told me I'd only ever amount to be selling the big issue, you get the idea. A complete asshole. I have panic attacks every time I see him now after announcing my pregnancy with ds. He's a asshole to me over it. But pleased for his ex's 16 year old daughter who's gotten knocked up.
So yesterday I'd had enough. I've been asking him for months to collect the rest of his things. So I can sort the spare bedroom out for ds and put heating upstairs. He refuses to take it.
He then has his post delivered here still and blames me for loosing important letters (which I always put in the hallway to keep them all together.) when what he does is open them and leave them. It's driving me insane. I've put 3 grand into this home, new kitchen, bathroom etc and he wants all the money from it now as he can't stop going to gigs etc on his credit card. I want the only contact to be for the money now and that's it.

Am I in my rights to throw his things out now? It's been well over a year.

OP posts:

JacquesHammer · 18/02/2018 10:35

Nope. I'm registered living here

That's worth nothing. Have you got any formal agreement in place?

allegretto · 18/02/2018 10:37

Stop worrying about your dad's stuff and look at the bigger picture or you could end up with nothing.

Enigma78 · 18/02/2018 10:37

You have no rights to this house.
You are throwing money into a bottomless pit.
Your father will never sell this house to you.

Listen to what you are being told here.
Seek legal help fast.

TattyCat · 18/02/2018 10:38

I think you've lost everything you've put in to this house I'm afraid.

daisypond · 18/02/2018 10:38

Oh, dear. See a lawyer. It's his house. You really shouldn't have changed the locks without permission. He doesn't need permission to get a key for his own house. Do not throw his things out. Do you have anything in writing? Maybe some sort of long-term tenancy rights exist, but I don't know.

Ellie56 · 18/02/2018 10:38

You need to see solicitor asap and stop paying for anything else until you have done. This is a horrendously complicated mess and could go tits up at any time.

BewareOfDragons · 18/02/2018 10:39

Move out. Rent somewhere else.

Seriously. It is his house. He can take it back whenever he wants. He owns it. It's not sensible for you to be digging in in his house.

Why would you even want to? It certainly can't hold happy memories for you based on what you've written.

And if he were to get hit by a bus tomorrow, it would likely be sold to pay off his debts anyway. All that money you spent fixing up his house would go to his creditors. And you would be left to start over. Again.

So start over somewhere else now and don't worry about him any more.

infinitewisdom · 18/02/2018 10:39

I am paying it though. But giving him the money direct debit.

That means nothing legally in terms of your rights. All you are doing is giving your dad money every month.

Oldraver · 18/02/2018 10:39

Even if you are paying him rent through a DD, if he isnt paying the mortgage it will be repossesed and you evicted

Whatififall · 18/02/2018 10:40

This is such a messy situation for you. Are you sure he is paying the mortgage with the money you are paying him? You have no rights currently.

Gabilan · 18/02/2018 10:41

I feel like my dad will screw me over

He already is and will continue to do so. Sorry OP, I know there's an attachment to the house and you feel like it's your one shot at buying. But, it will either be repossessed or he will leave it to his girlfriend. You'd be better off renting elsewhere with a legal contract that gives you some rights. Then if you can you can start saving. As it is, you're spending money on something that could be snatched from you at any moment.

Original poster

Gigimoll · 18/02/2018 10:41

That's the thing though, I can't yet. I'm living on very very minimal thanks to dp being let go. I'm paying the mortgage, water rates etc everything. My mom is still clinging on to it too as she wants the money left over for us all to move. So my mom doesn't want it to be let go either. I have nothing else on top of to save and I can't get the money to rent somewhere else just yet as I'm waiting for dp to actually get a decent job.

OP posts:

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 18/02/2018 10:42

Unfortunately Gigi, all you are doing presently, is feathering his nest. It won't be long before the house is repossessed. You cannot throw his things out, though I understand your predicament. Think very seriously about getting your family out of there, before the shit hits the fan.
I'm sorry for your situation.💐

Viviennemary · 18/02/2018 10:43

No you are not within your rights to throw out his possessions. You are within your rights to ask him to remove them. Are you paying a market value rent or not. If you're hanging on in the hope he'll eventually sell it to you then I wouldn't count on it ever happening. He's probably quite happy with the status quo.

JacquesHammer · 18/02/2018 10:43

I'm paying the mortgage

No, you're handing cash to your dad and assuming he's paying. If he isn't you're running the risk of being evicted when the house is repossessed.

You really need to get a back up plan and quickly because at the moment you have no legal rights whatsoever.

BrazzleDazzleDay · 18/02/2018 10:44

This doesn't make sense, the mortgage is your dads but you say

If you have the means to buy this house with help from your mum then buy your own home. This house is NOT yours and you're really not entitled to it, youre being really naive.

Birdsgottafly · 18/02/2018 10:44

There's a few episodes of "Can't pay, we'll take it away" that feature people in your position being thrown out. It's always the stepparent on the death of the Parent.

If your Dad died tomorrow his ex would claim the house off the debt he owes, that's if he hasn't just willed it to her.

You haven't got a house and if your Dad wanted to he could evict you easily.

You need to get a legal agreement or stop paying.

My Sister has given me a 'private mortgage'. To buy her out of the house that we inherited. It has to be legally done, to be valid.

Whilst you pay him, he won't sort this out.

He has shown you that he has got contempt for you, why do you think he will suddenly be fair?

Quartz2208 · 18/02/2018 10:45

Whose name(s) are on the deeds and then who has a mortgage on it

But get legal advice the fact that you pay council tax etc means nothing

Pinkponiesrock · 18/02/2018 10:45

Even though you are paying for it and you have paid for the improvements legally he could put you out tomorrow! Also you’d see none of that money back.

You need to get something on paper whether it be a rental agreement, onto the title deeds.

Are/were you Mum and Dad divorced?
Is he married to his new partner?

infinitewisdom · 18/02/2018 10:45

I'm paying the mortgage,

No you are not. You are giving your dad money every month.

Motoko · 18/02/2018 10:45

LISTEN! This is serioua. You have NO rights to this house. The only way you will, is if he actually sells it to you. No amount of saying "He's letting us have it for £89k" will make any difference, until he actually sells it to you, via a solicitor.

Also, if he's still registered at your address for benefits, but living elsewhere, you might get into hot water for allowing him to do that, if they find out.

Contact Shelter, they are a housing charity and can help you with any question you have.

Do you give him the money for the mortgage, or pay it direct? If you're paying him, he might not even be paying it and you could find the bailiffs at your door, come to repossess the house. If he's not reading all his letters, he might miss the letters from the bank.

You are in such a precarious position here.

Sarsparella · 18/02/2018 10:45

You aren’t making the payments to the mortgage company though, are you? You’re giving money to your dad - what is he doing with that money?

Have you spoken to the mortgage company? Are the payments in arrears? They might not even speak to you tbh!

Are the letters coming for your dad from the bank/mortgage company? Have you seen them after he’s opened them & left them? Look now, that might give you an idea of where the situation is really up to

TattyCat · 18/02/2018 10:46

If your mum was paying towards the mortgage, why isn't her name also on mortgage? Is it solely in your dad's name?

Original poster

Gigimoll · 18/02/2018 10:46

The thing was, at the time dp had a good job and we were looking at this beautiful flat. It was lovely and my dream home really. But the survey came back and we realised it wasn't in any state to be sold. An the seller wouldn't put the price under. It was infested and had asbestos problems etc. So it was my dad's idea to move out and have the money from us as he was struggling. Else I'd have tried and sold everything to put the money Into the flat in a heartbeat. But now my dad has suddenly turned after the announcement of ds.

OP posts:

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 18/02/2018 10:46

You really need to listen to people here.

If you're sending him money via standing order every month, as opposed to the mortgage lender collecting it from your bank account every month via direct debit, then he might not even be paying it. You wouldn't even know if you're not looking at the letters or if they're not even coming to you!

Being on the council tax, water bill etc means absolutely nothing. Renters don't get to stay in a house which is being repossessed/landlord wants it back and they would have a tenancy agreement in place.

You're throwing money into this and it sounds like your dad has no intention of letting you buy it off him. You've lost the money you've spent already - please don't spend more. You need to forget about your dad's stuff and just find somewhere else to live. The only good thing is, is that you don't owe him any notice. Although as a courtesy you might want to tell him you're moving out on X date and therefore the money will cease.

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