I can't stop crying I need a kick up the arse *sensitive*

[Christmastits]

So I've been given weekend leave from the hospital as of Saturday morning. I have to go back Monday morning.

I just can't stop crying. I've had a bath, and had a lovely lazy day with DH watching Harry Potter and eating whatever I fancied (not much stayed down but still), but I just can't stop crying.

It's never ending, it's been all day now, on and off all day. I'm crying because I'm relieved I'm not dead, I'm crying because I lost our baby in hospital and failed at keeping them safe, I'm crying because DH had to help me upstairs and into the bath, I've cried because DH was told I would probably die at some point during one of the god awful nights in January and I'm upset that he had to deal with that, I've cried because I have to go back on Monday, I've cried because my hair was so knotty after 5 weeks in hospital it took 4 hours of brushing it to get it all out and DH had to do most of that. I've also cried because I can't go back to work for months because I might be contagious to tiny babies.

Is this amount of crying normal? I know I'm a nurse but I usually deal with poorly babies and they don't remember being in hospital.

I can't sleep tonight and it's annoying me so much! I have a snoringDH next to me and a snoring Dog on my feet and I should be so happy I'm home but I can't stop crying.

Anyway aibu to ask you to gently kick me up the bum as I didn't die and don't need to cry so much!

well done!

DH wants to come and take me home at 6am but I think I'll be waiting a few hours for my discharge meds. I'm on 3 different antibiotics, an anti fungal, tinzaparin injections, pain medication and the o2 needs to be signed off. Plus I'll need to have enough for about 8 weeks.

So I've told DH to be on standby tomorrow he's in court in the morning and I think having a meeting with counsel in prison in the afternoon with no means of contacting him so as soon as I have my massive bag of medication and he's texted me telling he's back in the contactable world I can go home!!!

I always feel bad for parents who are told they can take their baby home from the ward and then we make them wait for hours, I usually tell them not to put their coats on just yet!

Yay Christmastits so happy for you that you are going home!! Enjoy lots and lots of pampering and cuddles from DH and DDog

Poor poor you. You’ve been through the mill. It’s fully understandable to cry, considering what you’ve been through. Baby steps

Oh my goodness what an awful time you have had. The uncontrollable crying will be going home to your nest/ familiar surroundings. It is just an emotional release and partly to do with the situation you left in as well. It is actually a good thing and might happen again when you get home today but probably not as much.

Can someone be with you part of the day? You might find you want to sleep for some of it. Be very kind to yourself in the next few weeks. Find things to help you switch off for a bit. Films, crosswords maybe knitting or a craft if you do any, something to concentrate on for short bursts so your mind can opt out from what has happened.

Paying for counselling is a good idea. Get through it while you are off recuperating as I found it distracting when working sometimes. At least you have a wonderful, supportive DH. When you are better perhaps you could plan a surprise weekend for the two of you with a bit of pampering.

So happy you are going home, albeit with your suitcase of drugs! Here's to them all working and you feeling better soon. I know your lovely DH shall take great care of you

Oh I'm glad you're escaping! Fingers crossed you're comfortably installed at home now, I thought about you yesterday and hoped going back hadn't been too bad.

Oh I hope you managed the Grand Break Out.

I'm home :) so happy! In bed after a hot bath!

Yippee. What great news. Enjoy your own bed and simply being home. There really is no place like it.

That's lovely news :) Enjoy your bed and sofa tomorrow. Have you got company available tomorrow?

I messaged on your other thread Christmas. How wonderful to be in your own bed after a hot bath. I'm delighted for you both!

Thank you for having the energy to post all this. The messages have really helped me too. I'm thinking of you & wishing you a very, very gentle, healing recovery. Don't be hard on yourself. I've read many threads written after emergency hospital inpatient trauma, where the Op should be feeling lucky to be alive, but instead can't stop crying and falls apart every time she gets it together again. It seems to be part of the recovery process and not linear, so accept the moments where it all crashes down again and know that each bit is making you stronger for the future.

Wishing you lots of luck. And tell people how they can help you if they ask! Don't be afraid to rely on others