I can't stop crying I need a kick up the arse *sensitive*

[Christmastits]

So I've been given weekend leave from the hospital as of Saturday morning. I have to go back Monday morning.

I just can't stop crying. I've had a bath, and had a lovely lazy day with DH watching Harry Potter and eating whatever I fancied (not much stayed down but still), but I just can't stop crying.

It's never ending, it's been all day now, on and off all day. I'm crying because I'm relieved I'm not dead, I'm crying because I lost our baby in hospital and failed at keeping them safe, I'm crying because DH had to help me upstairs and into the bath, I've cried because DH was told I would probably die at some point during one of the god awful nights in January and I'm upset that he had to deal with that, I've cried because I have to go back on Monday, I've cried because my hair was so knotty after 5 weeks in hospital it took 4 hours of brushing it to get it all out and DH had to do most of that. I've also cried because I can't go back to work for months because I might be contagious to tiny babies.

Is this amount of crying normal? I know I'm a nurse but I usually deal with poorly babies and they don't remember being in hospital.

I can't sleep tonight and it's annoying me so much! I have a snoringDH next to me and a snoring Dog on my feet and I should be so happy I'm home but I can't stop crying.

Anyway aibu to ask you to gently kick me up the bum as I didn't die and don't need to cry so much!

I haven't RTFT but for a year or two after I finished treatment for cancer I used to regularly have massive, heaving cries. Depending on where I was I'd also scream until my throat hurt. Then it would pass and I'd feel washed out and temporarily better. With time the crying sessions got fewer and farther between until now I feel as 'normal' as I ever was.

It's normal and healthy to cry after trauma. Better out than in.

Huge hugs to you op. You've been so brave and your lovely husband sounds like a star. In time, you might find EMDR helps you process the trauma, if you need more help in getting over it, it has really helped me. Take good care of yourself xxx

Grief is like a thick fog you have to get through and crying, raging etc are entirely normal. If it helps maybe ask the doctor for a sedative/Diazepam type medication?
None of it is your fault so when guilty thoughts taunt you tell them to go fuck themselves! Sometimes life just punches you right in the face.
Take time to bimble about in the garden, take long baths and submerge yourself in your grief. There is nothing wrong or self indulgent about that.
You sound like a wonderful lady who is surrounded with love and support. At the moment eat all the chocolate, drink all the tea and cry all the tears. The rawness will fade with time.
I tend to look at it as though i am floating in the sea, sometimes the tide brings you in and you have a good day, then it goes out again and things are bad and some days you are just lost at sea. Write those days off and remember the tide will bring you in again. and hugs.

💐💐💐cry as much as you want,it sounds like you’ve been through a terrible ordeal.I hope your do is being supportive 💐

*dp

No kick up the arse from me here .... just lots of hugs and positive vibes to you!

Btw your husband is amazing!

You just be kind to yourself now and let the healing begin xxx

I read your other thread. What happened to you was awful. I'm not surprised you're crying a lot. It's a completely normal response to a really horrible and shocking sequence of events. I'm sorry that it's going to take such a long time to make a full recovery

Oh Christmas, crying is totally normal. And it's better to get when you have someone with you to hold you and care for.you (imho). You have had so.muxh to deal with physically and mentally and it
is totally understanding to feel overwhelmed. It is hard work getting through something like this, be kind to yourself.

If you can't cry when you've been through all that when can you?

Your husband won't care how long he has to run around after you, he'll just be glad your still here.

Sending you a hug and hope you have a lovely day together x

Oh Sweetheart, I'm crying after reading your thread. You're home, and gradually, though it may not seem that way right now, things will slowly begin to calm down. Your DH sounds like a real trooper, and I'm pretty sure, he too, has been crying a river, whilst you were in hospital.
Let it all out, however long it may take, there is no time limit.
We are all here for you, around the clock, so reach out anytime.
Sending you healing vibes and much love, along with a strong embrace for your amazing DH.🌹

I want to wrap you up in a cuddle but sounds like your husband has that bit sorted. You've been through so so much emotionally and physically I'm not surprised you've had a wobble!

Of course you are crying! You are finally home, and that’s where we all feel safe enough to cry. Any one of the things you list is a valid reason for crying, all together and you would be justified in crying for months.

Go back to hospital tomorrow, you will have had a couple of days at home, this should give you renewed determination to get the hell out of hospital and get back to DH, DDog, and your very own home, and start planning those holidays you want to go on.

No bottom kicking here! I agree that it is part of the healing and digesting. X

Oh good lord it isn't surprising at all that you've needed to cry and cry. There's been so much scary and sad stuff and now you've breathed out, relaxed a tiny bit and wallop out comes the emotion. Accept it and let it play itself out, it's not good to hold it in.

Wow!

Thank you all so so much. Not crying this morning, instead feeling kind of hollow and empty but not crying. I think I'm going to pay for some really good counselling, we can afford it and I can't afford to wait the really long time for nhs counselling.

No plans for today but more films and duvet on the sofa.

I can't say thank you enough for your support in the early hours

Right.

I’ve now read your “main” what does pneumonia feel like thread.

And your complaint thread.

Christmas you are fucking BRILLIANT.

You have been through so much, all that pain and the interventions and overhearing conversations that you either shouldn’t have heard or they shouldn’t have happened in the first place. You’ve complained and hopefully rid the ward of the toxic scum that is that bitch of an HCA. Even under normal circumstances that takes strength and courage.

And you’re wanting a kick up the arse because you’re crying a bit?!!?!!?

Holy fuck on a fiddlestick love, you don’t just need to “give yourself a break”. You need to be so much kinder and more understanding to yourself than you are now.

What would you say to a patient/family in your position?

I wish could reach through the screen and give you the most enormous hug xx

Awe Christmas

I remember your first thread. I'm so sorry you've had such a hard time of it.

I had pneumonia recently and I was really tearful when I got home, for at least a fortnight. And had had nowhere near the level of complications you had... or a miscarriage to deal with on top of that. I think it exhausts you to the point of tears on its own. Go easy on yourself and don't worry about the tears for now.

Your DH sounds fantastic btw. for you both.

What, what?? The complaint thread was yours too?!?

Bloody hell, you've really been through the wringer, and you have handled it amazingly well. Hats off to you.

Yes the complaint thread was mine too. I don't feel like going back tomorrow. I'm spending my day dozing on the sofa and feeling so much better already for my massive crying ordeal!

Crying is definitely cathartic.

Really hope you're back to full fitness, physically, soon. The emotional scars will take longer to heal but it sounds like you and DH make a good team .

How you doing op?

So after the longest day ever! Where people wanted x rays and bloods and discussions all day, I'm to be discharged in the morning. I've been given all my meds and it's just because they've literally decided now I can go, and DH isn't here tonight that I have to wait.

I have chest physio appointments and home O2 to appease my consultant because when I got back to the ward on Monday morning my sats were low. I have a ton of antibiotics to take still and a 'ward pass' to come back if I feel anything other than normal.

:)

Yay! Be prepared for the mother of all pigs of a wait for the pharmacy to get your discharge meds together, but you are going home. That is excellent news. Be very gentle with yourself, and rest, rest, rest. You puir wee scone.

remember just to take in every moment now hun.a step at a time.dont worry if you cry again.or again and again.it grief,loss,worry,feeling that need expelling.its a way or the body to release.no guilt no shame
do the little bit you can.one step at a tiny time.
don't dread the next day or hour.
don't dread what might or might not now happen.
you well enough to go home!turn the bad thoughts on their head and focus on this momentous great thought. your going home!
it wont be easy.but you can do it.
what little things are you looking forward to at home.food.sights.smell.feels.just focus on that.xx

Oh that’s absolutely BRILLIANT news! I’m so pleased for you