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AIBU?

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Original poster

I can't stop crying I need a kick up the arse *sensitive*

87 replies

Christmastits · 18/02/2018 01:46

So I've been given weekend leave from the hospital as of Saturday morning. I have to go back Monday morning.

I just can't stop crying. I've had a bath, and had a lovely lazy day with DH watching Harry Potter and eating whatever I fancied (not much stayed down but still), but I just can't stop crying.

It's never ending, it's been all day now, on and off all day. I'm crying because I'm relieved I'm not dead, I'm crying because I lost our baby in hospital and failed at keeping them safe, I'm crying because DH had to help me upstairs and into the bath, I've cried because DH was told I would probably die at some point during one of the god awful nights in January and I'm upset that he had to deal with that, I've cried because I have to go back on Monday, I've cried because my hair was so knotty after 5 weeks in hospital it took 4 hours of brushing it to get it all out and DH had to do most of that. I've also cried because I can't go back to work for months because I might be contagious to tiny babies.

Is this amount of crying normal? I know I'm a nurse but I usually deal with poorly babies and they don't remember being in hospital.

I can't sleep tonight and it's annoying me so much! I have a snoringDH next to me and a snoring Dog on my feet and I should be so happy I'm home but I can't stop crying.

Anyway aibu to ask you to gently kick me up the bum as I didn't die and don't need to cry so much!

OP posts:
TheSassyAssassin · 18/02/2018 03:49

You def need to give yourself a break lady! Haven't seen your other thread but sounds like you have been to hell and back of late. As has your poor DH. Be kind to each other and gentle on yourself. It's a cliche but time is a healer and it will take time but it will slowly get easier. Glad you have nice hair again! And biscuits! Sending hugs and strength Flowers

CiderwithBuda · 18/02/2018 04:19

It’s a normal human reaction to everything you’ve been through. And crying is healing.

You’ve been through so much.

But it’s great that you get to go home for the weekend. Hope you get home for good really soon.

Idliketoteachtheworldtosing1 · 18/02/2018 04:23

You poor thing, crying is good.
You are not needy, you sound depressed.
It's not surprising the amount you have gone through, you are only human.
I really feel for you, it's good to talk it through to try and make sense of things.
Perhaps you should go to your gp, you may benefit from anti depressants and you can ask your doc to refer you for talking therapy, I was very sceptical abut counselling but it really helped.
I wish you all the best

Cavender · 18/02/2018 04:35

Christmas given what you have been through, your physical recovery and the grieving you are still going through I would say that crying is extremely healthy.

Whenever you feel low remember that there are MNers all over the world awake in different time zones so there’s pretty much always someone to talk to.

You husband sounds lovely. You aren’t a bad wife it’s his job to take care of you and I bet he is thrilled and honoured to do it.

Sending you big hugs from Texas (where everything is bigger!)

Snuggle down, take care.

Flowers
Afreshcuppateaplease · 18/02/2018 04:45

Op i read your other thread. You have been through so much. It must be so overwhelming. But look at you! Your at home! Your getting better! You can do this!

I hope you got some sleep! Flowers

Pretenditsaplan · 18/02/2018 04:47

What youve been through is traumatic and i wouldnt be surprised if you have some form of ptsd and being home yet knowing you have to go back has triggered it. Youve been strong while in hospital but its harder in your own home to keep it all together. Do what you need to do and go back back kick its butt. But in the mean time cheer for harry (though i still prefer hermione.)

mylaptopismylapdog · 18/02/2018 05:34

Glad your husband is being such a star in looking after you, it is what you need and deserve as you have been through such a lot. Your reaction is understandable so be patient with it and yourself and it will subside. Eat and drink when you can as this will help to give you evergy for recovery, but quite often gets forgotten in all the emotion. A hot water bottle might help you to snuggle down and relax too.
I am always suggesting this but if you feel like it this body scan exercise can help you to relax and rest a bit and as you feel better might help you to sleep m.youtube.com/watch?t=344s&v=u4gZgnCy5ew

Big hugs and best wishes

Dipitydoda · 18/02/2018 05:41

Omg. You need nothing but kindness care and love. There’s a reason we cry, it helps let things out. Don’t bottle this up it sounds like you’ve been to hell and back but your DH sounds amazing. Take your time, take the help. In time it will be ok but please don’t beat yourself up on whatever journey you have to take to get there. Not much help but here’s a massive virtual hud to you and DH

Dipitydoda · 18/02/2018 05:47

Sorry posted too soon trying to get rid of an advert! My DH was in hospital last year with double pneaumonia and that was aweful in itself without everything else you’ve gone through ad affected his mental health badly at the time. Please see if the hospital can help you access counselling if you can and feel up to it.

rwalker · 18/02/2018 06:25

wow you are being for too hard on yourself .Crying is normal

BettyBaggins · 18/02/2018 06:38

Theres a little story about the phoenix. She can only heal herself through her own tears. Some of your emotions are likely to be on hold when you are at the hospital, being in a safe place like home allows the flood gates to open. My face often looks clearer after a good boohoo.

Surviving death can be a real shocker, like having a baby, it changes how we see and feel about the world. Go gently and enjoy Sunday at home Flowers

noodlezoodle · 18/02/2018 06:46

You're amazing. You're doing amazingly well. Please try and be as gentle with yourself as you would be with your patients.

brizzledrizzle · 18/02/2018 06:53

Thanks cry, it's better to cry than bottle it all up. You have not failed at anything.

MirandaWest · 18/02/2018 07:05

I read your other thread and you sound like you have really been through the mill. Crying sounds totally normal and I think will do you good although probably also feels rubbish.
Am so glad you have a lovely DH to look after you.

2018SoFarSoGreat · 18/02/2018 07:09

Sending you a virtual cuddle. A big gentle cuddle. And a wee virtual stroke of your hair. You poor thing.

Enjoy your time home and get better soon. 💐

MrsJonesAndMe · 18/02/2018 07:16

I hope you both got some sleep. You sound like you've been through the wringer and that your body was letting go because you were home in your safe place.

Just do what you need to do.

Big (((hugs))))

IDismyname · 18/02/2018 07:17

Holey Moley Christmas - you deserve a medal 🥇 for getting through all that and coming out the other side. I am in awe of you (and your husbands not far behind!).

Just concentrate on getting better physically. The mental stuff may take a bit longer. Do you have any kind of counselling you could tap into?

Don't worry about going back in to hospital tomorrow. Treat it as a bit of a job. I bet you'll be out again by the end of the week.

MN protocol demands that no hugs should be given... but here's a sneaky one from me ((((((( ❤️))))))))

AmethystRaven · 18/02/2018 07:19

After all that I guess it will take a while to heal both mentally and physically Flowers I hope you feel a bit better today - indulge and do whatever helps you. Be selfish! (it's not being selfish at all). Lots of love to you and DH, when you come out the other side your relationship will be super strong.

DragonflyInn · 18/02/2018 07:34

I'm so sorry for all you've been through. I was in hospital for over 2 months a few years ago, and at first was really seriously ill. I think I was just unable to process how ill I was at the time - it was only in the following weeks as I started to recover that it hit me how serious it was, and made me everso emotional. And like you as I started to improve I could come home for a day or a weekend - which was lovely but I think that being in my 'normal' surroundings made me realise even more what I was going through, or perhaps was a safe place to start processing it.

I don't know what I'm trying to say really, except that I only went through a fraction of what you have and was very emotional and tearful. It's ok. Take care of yourself, and do allow yourself to cry as much as you need - it's not just about your physical recovery. Flowers

Nyetimber · 18/02/2018 07:40

I suspect the tears are tears of relief. Relief to be home, to be on the mend, to see a future.
Your trust may well9ffer you work in another department, if you can’t go back to NICU. Outpatients is generally a safe bet. Time enough for that later.

musicposy · 18/02/2018 07:41

It's going to take time so be kind on yourself. i've been through both a late miscarriage and an extended hospital stay - both were very, very tough to get past, and you have had both together. That's a huge, huge amount to process.

Last year I was in for almost three weeks in January and so much of what you wrote resonates with me. You get a bit institutionalised and it's hard adjusting outside. I was too ill on top to do much/ go out etc until pretty much Easter - and that adds to the depression of it all.

Here's some things you could try. I wrote a diary of all the small positives. It wasn't fancy, just a list on my phone. If something nice happened (my definitition of nice had to be very tame in the early days, a cup of tea from DH, my mum facetiming me, a sunny day), I wrote it down. I also wrote a list of things I wanted to achieve when I was better, in ascending order of difficulty. The early part of the list was very simple. At the bottom was to be well enough to go on holiday, which I achieved properly this Christmas, almost a year on. But the feeling of both mental and physical progress has kept me going through a tough year and reading it back was very helpful. I'd recommend doing it.

I do think you get a kind of post traumatic stress after a very long hospital stay. This January it all came flooding back to me and I've started to wonder about possible counselling for it. That might be something to think about later on if you're still finding it tough.

But for now, it's early days. Let yourself cry. Ease yourself back into normality in very small steps. I found that setting up my routine a bit like hospital in the early days helped. So you might want set mealtimes and bedtimes that match those you had and then you can gradually ease away from them.

Be gentle on yourself. It will get better, I promise. But it takes patience.(((((hugs))))))

GeekyWombat · 18/02/2018 07:41

Don't look now ChristmasTits but you have managed the unattainable - a unanimous YANBU in AIBU. Another one agreeing the tears are part of your body's healing process.

Flowers

Definitely be gentle on yourself. Your DH sounds amazing, enjoy this time together (and with the dog!) this weekend. Lots of tea and pottering (and Pottering!).

frumpety · 18/02/2018 07:53

You are a nurse , you are used to helping people , that's your raison d'etre. I bet you felt guilty for being ill didn't you ?

How many times have you told your patients relatives to stop crying and gave them a kick up the arse ? go on , how many ? Bet its none !

Life handed you the shitty stick , when you are in receipt of the shitty stick you are at liberty to cry as much as you need , you can shout , chuck things ( not at people or animals ) , eat as much or little as you want , make a mountain of snot encrusted tissues as a monument to your grief , although don't be surprised if your DDog takes a fancy to it , just let it all come out , in whatever form suits you Flowers

JaneEyre70 · 18/02/2018 07:54

Don't even think about stopping crying - it's good for you, and there is a reason why sometimes it happens uncontrollably. When I lost my darling son (he was stillborn) those tears happened for a good many months after, and I literally had no control over it. My heart was well and truly broken, and it was a very important part of the healing process.
Your body is probably thinking what the hell after all you've been through, and you're not still not well. Go easy on yourself, go with the flow and do whatever your body is telling you at this stage and try to enjoy the rest of your time at home. Your DH sounds utterly lovely Flowers

jellycat1 · 18/02/2018 08:08

So sorry for your loss. Look after yourself Thanks

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