Money - fair split

[AmyGardnersContemptuousGlare]

Just after some advice/experiences about splitting household income.

I work FT and DP works PT (two school age DCs). We both kept our own accounts when we moved in together, and set up a joint account into which we pay amounts to cover household costs. I cover the mortgage, insurances, food, fuel, tax/rates, phone/broadband, TV and loan payments. We split utilities by proportion of salary, and DP pays a portion towards costs like DCs clothes, birthday presents, etc.

Basically, once bills are covered I am skint (going into overdraft every month) and DP has a lot of spare cash (a few hundred pounds). I know from experience DP will say I am unreasonable to want to change this, but am I? Any advice as to the best way to manage things?

Surely your partner should pay a proportion of all bills?

Yes you should be splitting all household expenses and each paying a proportion. It’s not at all fair if you’re in debt each month and he has hundreds left to himself.

It should all be family money. Whatever is left from both salaries after all bills etc are paid, should be split 50/50.

You’re a family unit now

We don't have joint accounts, but the aim is to have the same amount leftover after all bills are paid. We both work full time, but I earn more, so DP pays the rent, and i pay the childcare and all household bills.

• All income (including any CTC/child benefit etc) goes into one account.
• All bills, children's and family expense, joint savings etc come out of this account.
• Once you've worked out how much will be paid out, split the remainder between the two of you - this is to be used for your personal expenses, eg hobbies, hair cuts, clothes.

How can your DH possibly think that the current way of doing things is fair ?

We just put everything in one account.

Was him working PT and you working FT a decision you made between you? Are you both still happy with it?

That seems an unnecessarily complicated set up. Since you already have a joint account, keep a sum x for yourselves (whatever you think personal spending money should be) and pay all the rest of your salary into the joint account. Pay all joint expenses from this.

Do some sums and work out a fair split of contribution to household stuff and spending mine for each. Don't forget to allow for whoever had the kids more will end up needing incidental spends for them too.

It sounds like you are finding too much!

newyearsameme80 has it spot on. That's what we do. DH earns almost double what I do but we both end up with same 'don't money

If the house is yours and his name not on mortgage then you should cover the mortgage repayments and council tax. However the joint account should cover food, household expenses, insurance, TV licence, phone.broadband. Both pay your own fuel unless only you own car and you drive him around if that the case he should contribute to your fuel. As things stand you pay for him to live with you and he lives for nothing at your expense.

Why not pay a proportion of everything according to your incomes? Either way, one of you shouldn't have no money after all bills and expenses and the other some still left over. My dh and I keep separate accounts and we split bills roughly according to our incomes (which, when I'm working full time, are equal enough, though I'm on mat leave at the moment so he tends to take on a bit more as needed). But if ever one of us is nearly to our overdraft in any given month, the other transfers some money over to keep that one going and then vice versa. We may keep separate accounts but our money is still jointly our money as far as we're concerned. Neither of us has a gambling problem or spends stupidly on designer gear or anything silly. So we make sure neither of us is every skint and we just move money around month to month as necessary so we're both comfortable. Surely there's no advantage to one of you always being skint when the other has money in the context of family finances? Unless you're spending your spare cash on luxury items or something silly.

Unless you're spending your spare cash on luxury items or something silly.

I wish! Really, once the household bills are paid I have enough to pay a gym subscription (heavily discounted through a work scheme) and that's about it. I've cancelled Netflix and any other nonessentials, but can't find any more savings, other than I'm starting to look at cancelling my union dues to free up £20 per month.

Why was it set up that way? Presumably it was because DP is earning less due to taking on a greater proportion of childcare, and you wanted a fair split (rather than 50:50) so their earnings wouldn't be completely wiped out each month?

If that was the intention, surely DP agrees it's unfair that it's swung the other way and they have so much more spare at the end of the month than you?

Why on earth are you even considering making cutbacks when your partner has disposable income? They need to pay more into the bills etc. End of.

I honestly have no idea why you are paying for everything?! How did you ever think that was fair?

Personally we just pay everything into a joint account and live off that (works out fairly over time I think).

At the very least though you should split all expenses wage proportionally).

Is there an issue with speaking to him directly about this, and going over the figures? Are you anticipating a bad reaction?

He isn't really paying the utilities though.
You are still paying council tax and let's be honest if he wasn't there you would have a discount.
Broadband, again another utility.
Same goes for the TV and Insurance.

Then there's food. So he doesn't eat I assume and lives on fresh air? No didn't think so. He needs to put his hand in his pocket there as well.

And don't cancel your Unison. You never know when you need them. You cancel, you need them even if you re-join they won't help.

Why does he feel he deserves more money in his pocket then you?

Why has he not suggested altering who puts in what?

I do hope he does the majority of the housework and most of the household thinking - parties, presents, swim kits etc.

He is being very unreasonable and very greedy.

Is his name on the mortgage? If it is he needs to pay towards it if not then unless you're willing to put him on it then he shouldn't be paying towards it.
" insurances, food, fuel, tax/rates, phone/broadband, TV and loan payments."

All of this shit though he needs to be paying a proportional amount to since I presume he eats?

Do you both own the house or are you the sole owner (hence covering the mortgage)?

This is absolutely ridiculous. You are a family. You have children. Why on earth would it be fair to live like that? Surely your money is yours as a family.

Why are you paying all the mortgage and insurance? it is your house? I earn quite a bit more than DH and although we don't have a joint account, we work it so that we have the same amount of money to spend.

As one who has been there and done that, your dh needs to step up to the mark. You are working your backside off with a ft job to keep a roof over both of your heads. When we moved in together we worked out what bills needed to be paid (including mortgage which was and remains in my name only) then dh put a pro rata share into my account. Anything else was our own money todo as we pleased but was used mostly for joint outings, holidays etc. You are not being unreasonable and if he does not acquiesce, I think you need to assess whether you want to be with him as you are clearly not his priority in life. Sorry if that sounds callous but he's essentially controlling what you can and cant do financially via the back door.