Money - fair split

[AmyGardnersContemptuousGlare]

Just after some advice/experiences about splitting household income.

I work FT and DP works PT (two school age DCs). We both kept our own accounts when we moved in together, and set up a joint account into which we pay amounts to cover household costs. I cover the mortgage, insurances, food, fuel, tax/rates, phone/broadband, TV and loan payments. We split utilities by proportion of salary, and DP pays a portion towards costs like DCs clothes, birthday presents, etc.

Basically, once bills are covered I am skint (going into overdraft every month) and DP has a lot of spare cash (a few hundred pounds). I know from experience DP will say I am unreasonable to want to change this, but am I? Any advice as to the best way to manage things?

So I assume that you are not married?

In that case, you, at the VERY least, need to pay in proportion of your wages.
So if your DP is earning let’s 30% of what you earn, then your DP is pay8ng 30% of ALL EXPENSES.
You each put money into a joint account where ALL expenses for the family are coming out.
That will leave you BOTH with money spare, ability to build up savings, etc etc.
I think it’s essential to do that because you are not married and therefore can’t afford the luxury of one having savings and not the other.

It does t have to be a shouting match. It should be a simple. This isn’t working for me as I am skint at the end of each month and unable to afford basic stuff.
So we need to review your shared finances and start splitting the bills in a different way. It would sound fairer to pay in proportion to our income. Shall we have a look at a budget and see exactly how much we are spending overall??
In effect, no blame but just trying to get your head around budgeting iyswim.

You need to redress the balance.

All money into joint account, then what is left gets split three ways. One third into a savings account and one third each for personal spends. Or if a huge amount save half and have a quarter each for spending.

All the people saying the partner shouldn't pay towards the mortgage unless named on it, should surely pay "rent" then?

Also, if your money isn't family money, does he ever take you out or treat you with 'his' money? Who pays if you go out?

Have you sat your OH down and gone through exactly what you earn, how much you pay out and why this means you are overdrawn every month?

How about this solution? Each of you keeps a couple of hundred (or other agreed sum) of your salary each month in your own account and transfers everything else into the joint account - out of which all bills are paid.

One of you earns more actual cash by working, but the other one contributes equally in a non-cash way by being at home part of the time and looking after dc. You are a team, so it's only fair that you both have some free spending money once bills are sorted.

And YY abiutbthe fact your DP might well nit have realised how much you are spending and thinks that you are just either not careful or spending it on non necessary stuff and that’s why you are skint.
That’s also why it’s essential to have a clear budget (numbers can’t lie) as a start for the discussion.

I agree with PP, you need to pay all bills and expenses and whatever is left is split 50/50 so that each of you has the same amount of disposable income.

That is fair, assuming DP is working PT due to childcare.

I say this as I recall a similar thread where the DP working PT wasn't looking after the DC, they were in childcare, and the DP still had the lions share of the money!!

If they will shout at you then they don't want a fair and equable split. What will you do then? If they do most of the childcare you could have a problem............

Add up all the bills and deduct that total from your total combined income, and what's left over should be split 50/50 between you.

I would normally say you should have the same spending money at the end of it. But with your DP working less than you to enable you to invest in your career I'm a little torn, it wouldn't actually be an even split if you had the same money now, because you are getting a bigger career investment than them. Nevertheless, running into overdraft every month is not a sensible financial situation, so you need to sit down with your DP and talk about it - something needs to change.

We added up every single out going (excluding person spending - clothes, haircuts) that needed paid inc saving for kids uniform, activities.

We each keep £100 for personal spending and petrol per week and rest of wages gets paid into joint account. All bills are dd, and saving accounts are auto transfers. Money left at the end of the month is swept into savings for emergencies.

Whenever you take into account all bills inc mortgage insurance etc what does your household cost.

What does dp earn and what do your earn (take home)

Everything my DH and I earns goes into a joint. We paid ourselves the same 'wage' from it a month.
Sharing money is hard and causes resentment. But you have to make it fair for everyone otherwise issues will arise

If you have separate accounts the only fair way is to pay proportionately for everything.

Work out exactly what your expenses are each month. This includes mortgage, insurances, utilities, food, kids expenses eg clubs, clothes, school lunches etc. I'd also include car expenses but some people keep that separate.

You also need to work out your earnings. If all income is going into separate accounts ensure you include anything like tax credits or child benefit with the figures of the person whose account it goes into.

Then work out your income proportionately. Say you earn 30k and he earns 10k then you would pay 3/4 and he would pay 1/4 as you earn 3 times as much so pay 3 times as much.

Transfer your amount to a joint account. All direct debits and household expenses eg food, fuel, kids expenses then come from this.

You should then both be left with the same amount of spare cash for stuff like hobbies, haircuts, clothes, lunches etc.

Does he pay towards the mortgage?

What the?! We both pay our wages into a joint account and have standing orders for our personal accounts each week for exactly the same "allowance". DH earns more than me but we have agreed it all goes into the same pot and we have the same disposable income with which we have to budget with. Any other expenses are agreed between the both of us. It's our money, not mine and his. It's just too complicated to say I pay this bill, you pay that one.

Dh and I put everything into the joint account (including child benefit for my DC and maintenance from XH) and everything we spend comes out of there. We each get the same amount each month transferred to our own accounts in a pocket money type way as one of the monthly expenses.
We do currently earn about the same but whatever it is just joint money

Given you are not married (you use DP not DH/DW) I think it should be 50/50 on the bills. If one can't afford that as they work little then part time hours is a luxury they can't afford. Children are at school at least thirty hours so childcare before and after costs very little in comparison to a full time salary.

I'd not be happy having to cover all the bills with nothing left so that they could do very little and have both extra time and money. That's not what a partnership is.