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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Money - fair split

67 replies

AmyGardnersContemptuousGlare · 16/02/2018 19:05

Just after some advice/experiences about splitting household income.

I work FT and DP works PT (two school age DCs). We both kept our own accounts when we moved in together, and set up a joint account into which we pay amounts to cover household costs. I cover the mortgage, insurances, food, fuel, tax/rates, phone/broadband, TV and loan payments. We split utilities by proportion of salary, and DP pays a portion towards costs like DCs clothes, birthday presents, etc.

Basically, once bills are covered I am skint (going into overdraft every month) and DP has a lot of spare cash (a few hundred pounds). I know from experience DP will say I am unreasonable to want to change this, but am I? Any advice as to the best way to manage things?

OP posts:
LanaKanesTerfyVagina · 16/02/2018 20:31

So he's got hundreds of pounds spare and you are cancelling things??

Fuck. That.

Why is it srt up this way?

And why would he complain to be asked to split more fairly??

This is so unfair.

I'm calling financial abuse before the updates.

Gazelda · 16/02/2018 20:33

Does he know how skint you are?

LanaKanesTerfyVagina · 16/02/2018 20:33

What would he say if asked to give up some of his spare cash??

Why are you sacrificing and him benefiting??

Something is fucked up in this dynamic

LanaKanesTerfyVagina · 16/02/2018 20:34

If you have a family, finances are split fairly.

Original poster
AmyGardnersContemptuousGlare · 16/02/2018 20:36

Do you both own the house or are you the sole owner (hence covering the mortgage)?

We're both on the mortgage.

I'm just shit at confrontation - a wimp, yes - and I know this would involve a shouting match. We had a row last year when DP wanted to go to Glastonbury and I said we couldn't afford it (I had already turned down a holiday with my family as we couldn't cover our accommodation costs, and couldn't manage Xmas drinks at work either).

OP posts:
MrsWoolly · 16/02/2018 20:36

Op hasn't even said if they're male or female have they? Or if the dp is male/female.

Why do p/t workers get such a hard time on here?

I work part time, dh full time, but I save us a hell of a lot of money in childcare, I drop them off and pick them up, I'm the one to care for them I they're sick and take time off work. I'm the one who sorts out all of the appointments and clubs and remembers homework, non uniform days, school trips.

Dh works away and the occasional weekend and I'm always the one to pick up the slack with the dc.

All dh has to do is get himself to work and back, I expect to share the housework on the weekend when he's home.

I earn half as much as dh, but no way could he work at the level he does if I was full time and he had to split the childcare.

Maybe it's like that for op and their partner.

NoSquirrels · 16/02/2018 20:37

Why did you arrange it this way in the first place, OP?

LanaKanesTerfyVagina · 16/02/2018 20:38

I'm just shit at confrontation - a wimp, yes - and I know this would involve a shouting match. We had a row last year when DP wanted to go to Glastonbury and I said we couldn't afford it

Ask yourself if a decent person would start a shouting match over being asked to contribute fairly.

MrsWoolly · 16/02/2018 20:39

Op fwiw any spare money should be split evenly, I assume the fact that your partner works part time is to pick up the slack with childcare?

Quartz2208 · 16/02/2018 20:39

Talk to him it’s not a fair situation

Money pooled and divided remaining money up

GrannyGrissle · 16/02/2018 20:39

DP sounds like a total bastard if raising this subject with him will cause a confrontation. So DP doesn't care you are perpetually skint? True love right there.

1ndig0 · 16/02/2018 20:40

Sorry I don't understand this at all. Is he the father of the DC?
Regardless of whether he is or not, how can you live like this?

Mummyof2Piggies · 16/02/2018 20:41

Keep paying the mortgage and insurances cos then it's still YOUR house.
The food, fuel and tv / broadband are consumable that your both using and both should pay for.
And you should split bills 50/50.

Mummyof2Piggies · 16/02/2018 20:42

But if your both on the mortgage then you should both pay!!!!

Springtrolls · 16/02/2018 20:42

He's on the mortgage?
He needs to pay his share then.

43percentburnt · 16/02/2018 20:43

Why would this turn into a shouting match? As I previously mentioned why does he feel he deserves more money than you? Why are you a second class citizen in your house struggling for money for union membership whilst he can afford Glastonbury tickets?

Mysideofthings · 16/02/2018 20:44

Whats yours is his and vice versa. Money should be shared. Anything else is strange between a married couple.

NoSquirrels · 16/02/2018 20:46

There must have been a reason behind this split in the first place - what was it?

Because it’s terrifically unfair.

TheButterflyOfTheStorms · 16/02/2018 20:47

Equal time off. Equal spare fun money.

It sounds really unequal right now. So you need to address it. Stop being a wimp!

Craftylittlething · 16/02/2018 20:53

We are the opposite of you my dp works full time, I work part time he pays around two thirds, I pay a third of all household bills. We have the same amount of “pocket money” and it’s all ours really we also do the put £50 into each other’s accounts when we are skint. It’s about us being fair and decent with each other.

Original poster
AmyGardnersContemptuousGlare · 16/02/2018 20:54

*I earn half as much as dh, but no way could he work at the level he does if I was full time and he had to split the childcare.

Maybe it's like that for op and their partner.*

Yes, this is the same for us. Extra hours aren't all that feasible, as we live very rurally, so transport and childcare issues would mean that if DP got more hours it would cause as many problems as it would solve. So it's down to the money we are currently taking in.

In fairness, this isn't something I have raised so I don't know what the reaction would be, and am maybe being nasty/unfair to suggest it would be an argument, but based on other things (my previous flexible working pattern, for example) I am hesitant.

OP posts:
MrsWoolly · 16/02/2018 20:56

Spare money should be split fairly though.

As a pp said, equal time off, equal spends.

Eliza9917 · 16/02/2018 20:57

How much did he put in to the deposit for the house? I'm wondering whether he should be on the mortgage at all.

Tistheseason17 · 16/02/2018 20:57

Pool the bills in one acct and total the amount that needs to go out each month. Inc children's outings your DP will pay.
Work out the % of overall net (take home afte tax etc) income you each have. E.g. 60/40, 65/35 rtf. My hubby and I are 52/48.
So of the total outgoings, DH pays 52% of the bills and I pay 48%.
We then keep the remainder of our income in our own accounts. We both save so share the same financial ethos.
This leaves us with proportionately the same money left over. We then share our savings and split holiday costs in the same way.

MrsWoolly · 16/02/2018 20:57

Does your dp realise the situation, as you have separate accounts, so they realise you have no spending money left?