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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not go on a family holiday

72 replies

ivegotdreadfulpmttoday · 16/02/2018 15:33

Every year for several years we have gone on a winter holiday with friends. I don't like the activity the holiday involves. I have tried and tried but I can't get on with it. WIBU to not go again. I don't want to stop the others going but do you think it will be ok to not go next time. My kids will be 11 and 14 then. DH scared of traveling without me.

OP posts:

MrTrebus · 16/02/2018 15:35

DH "scared" of travelling without you well then he can go on another family holiday with you of YOUR choosing if he feels that strongly. Use that Backbone OP!

TheNoseyProject · 16/02/2018 15:37

Why would you repeatedly do something you dislike? It’s just odd. They’ve had several years of it (I assume we’re talking skiing or similar) which they should be grateful for and perfectly normal to now do something else.

jenthehen · 16/02/2018 15:40

I'm currently at home whilst DH is away with my children on a winter holiday. This is the second year I've done this. I have a lovely peaceful week doing whatever I like (very little, and it's bliss).

TheButterflyOfTheStorms · 16/02/2018 15:44

What's he scared of?

RoidsOfDoom · 16/02/2018 15:46

Is it skiing. Cos if so I agree. It's ghastly and so not a holiday.

Why is your husband scared though? Is he incompetent?

onemouseplace · 16/02/2018 15:47

Do you actually have to do the activity while you are away?

I've seen a couple of people on IG this week on a winter activity holiday saying that they were so pleased they had finally accepted that they really don't enjoy doing the activity, and spend their time in the spa, mooching round the shops, reading etc etc.

Original poster

ivegotdreadfulpmttoday · 16/02/2018 15:56

At the resort we're in there's really not much else to do. I've been hiking on my own most of the week. Spas are closed to non hotel residents and we go as cheaply as possible so no spa for us. Yes it's skiing. DH is lovely but actually is quite incompetent with traveling.

OP posts:

onemouseplace · 16/02/2018 16:01

Ah yes, I get that, I would be fed up as well. Could you go for a long weekend next year rather than a full week?

rothbury · 16/02/2018 16:01

DH scared of traveling without me. I can't imagine this - do you mean he is scared of flying? Does he hold down a job and manage to do things without you on a day to day basis? If so, what exactly is his problem?

YANBU - you don't want to do it so either DH and DC go without you, and you go somewhere you want to go with your mates, or you all do something else.

Trills · 16/02/2018 16:02

If your DH wants to go and wants you to go then he has to make the holiday appeal to you. He could arrange it so you're in a resort with other things to do, in a hotel with a spa you can use, etc.

If he doesn't want to travel alone, and can't work out the budget and arrangements to make a skiing holiday pleasant for you, then you all can go on a different (non-skiing) holiday.

Original poster

ivegotdreadfulpmttoday · 16/02/2018 16:06

Thank you. Just checking as we usually book the hotel when we leave so I need to make the decision now. Decision made in my view.

OP posts:

SundaysFunday · 16/02/2018 16:07

If you don't want to go on a ski holiday then don't not go.

If he doesn't want to travel without you that's his choice.

Megameanmummy · 16/02/2018 16:09

I’ve never got on with skiing either, although I do enjoy snowboarding. Is this an option? Luckily DH doesn’t ski either, so a rare winter break for us would be somewhere like Centre Parcs.

It’s your precious time so you should do whatever it is you enjoy. Big ask but can friends take the children and you and DH take a break elsewhere? I appreciate they would have to be very good friends, but you could reciprocate in the summer maybe.

expatinscotland · 16/02/2018 16:10

'DH is lovely but actually is quite incompetent with traveling.'

Oh, FFS! Of course you're not being unreasonable! He's an adult, he can organise travel and go with a teen and tween on his own. Gimme a fucking break. Don't go. I don't care for resort downhill skiing myself. If there's no way to go XC skiing it would be a no from me, too.

Exiguous · 16/02/2018 16:15

The more he travels without you, the less scary it'll get.

Trills · 16/02/2018 16:17

You wouldn't be entirely unreasonable to say that none of you are going skiing.

"We've been skiing a few times, I don't like it - this year we're going to spend our money and holiday time on a holiday that I like"

TheButterflyOfTheStorms · 16/02/2018 16:20

He's incompetent so you have to go on a holiday you don't like every year? Errrr no.

Didiusfalco · 16/02/2018 16:23

I think that’s completely reasonable. You have said that you are quite happy for him to go, you just don’t want to go again. You have given it plenty of chances too, definitely do something different next year.

DeathStare · 16/02/2018 16:27

Spas are closed to non hotel residents and we go as cheaply as possible so no spa for us

Well then there are a few options:

DH and DC go to the same resort and accommodation without you
You all go to the same resort but stay at a more expensive hotel where you can use other facilities while they ski (if you are happy with that)
You all go to a different resort where they can ski but there are other activities for you to do
Everyone stays at home.

Personally I'd put those 4 options to DH and ask him which one he'd prefer - but making clear that there is not an option 5 of you coming with them to the same resort and accommodation.

And if he chooses option 4 he's being churlish and probably trying to guilt-trip you. Don't let him.

FluffyWuffy100 · 16/02/2018 16:28

DH is lovely but actually is quite incompetent with traveling.'

How can you talk about adults wh ogo to work, buy houses, enter into untility contracts... FFS he isn't an idiot who 'can't' travel he just doesn't want to do the 'work' of child care for a week

Lovemusic33 · 16/02/2018 16:32

I wouldn’t want to go either, I would happily go skiing once but not every year, for me it’s way to expensive for a holiday that doesnt involve the sun and a beach

MatildaTheCat · 16/02/2018 16:35

The year I gave up skiing I think we all sighed a big sigh of relief.

He will manage and the dc will learn to get sorted pretty quickly once you aren’t there to make sure they have everything. I sent dh and ds off on a ClubMed ski holiday alone and it was fab and less to go wrong.

C8H10N4O2 · 16/02/2018 16:36

DH is lovely but actually is quite incompetent with traveling

Does he hold down a job? If so he can buck his ideas up and become competent at traveling or give up skiing.

What he can't do is expect to spend a sizeable amount of family money with you getting nothing out of it other than being his organiser, packer and child carer. Its ridiculous.

BackforGood · 16/02/2018 16:37

You've been skiing a few time,s and not enjoyed it. It seems to me the choices are that you don't go and they all go with their friends, or that none of you go and you all go and do something you'd enjoy. The dc are old enough and experienced enough to be fine without you being there. dh will have them with him, (and presumably also the friends ?) so even if he is a nervous traveller, he isn't 'alone'.
I certainly wouldn't waste family money booking for you to go with them yet again.

TheKitchenWitch · 16/02/2018 16:37

FFS because if you have a job then obviously you must be completely competent in every single other area of your life and have nothing at all that you're in the least bit worried or panicky about...

The man bashing on MN at the moment is doing my fucking head in.

Imagine if the OP posted the other way round and said she didn't feel happy taking the kids on her own but her DH didn't want to come again. Would you all jump on her and ask how on earth she can not be capable of taking the kids on holiday on her own? You know, we are actually allowed to have some failings (if you even want to call them that) - both men and women.

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