To use or not use dummies? & Possible MIL issue with dummy use!

[Newdadofgirl]

Ok Sorry for the long post, and yes, I know this has probably been posted before, but I've been wondering about using dummies. (I don't mean to offend with anything I say, so please don't be offended as I relate the various things I've heard)
My Mam says we should use a dummy on DD.
My partner says no. I agree with my partner unless convinced otherwise..
Issues that I'm considering...
Belief that SIDS can be reduced, Is this actually based on scientific evidence? Are there studies? Or is it just a case of Facebook says?
My mam appears to think that dummies are great, in all situations, and that we should use one, so does my partner's mam, so both grandparents/MILs say we should.
However the girl on the till in B&M Bargains said to me (while I was buying dummies) that I should not use them, she never used them, it was lazy parenting, dummies were common, and there was no benefit to using them. I don't normally get parenting advice from B&M Bargains but she seemed very passionate and appeared to mention things I've heard from others too.
So Mumsnet convince me Yes or No!
Second issue - My mam is really pushing dummy use, I said to her last night to stop pushing dummies as we were not going to be using them. However, when my brother said the same, my Mam actually gave his kids dummies behind his back!! How do I stop this from happening If we decide no dummies?
Thanks in Advance for any advice.

How old is your baby and are you struggling with getting her to settle?

Rule number one of parenting: you do what you think is best and don't listen to anyone else. I used a dummy with ds but he had colic and it was an absolute life saver. He had gotten rid of it by 18 months with no issues.

Ps. If you cannot trust your mum to not give a dummy, then she doesn't have DD unsupervised, and you make this clear to her.

Honestly - I'd relax.

If your DD screams, you'll do whatever it takes to quieten her! But if she won't take a dummy, you won't get her too. DM couldn't get me or DB to have one; I tried various with DD when she was crying - she wouldn't touch them. But my cousin and my nieces/nephews - it was like magic; we called it "the plug" for a reason.

Dummies are common in the sense that they are used a lot. The other meaning of common is just bollocks. Do what makes you and your DD happy and don't worry about anyone else!

If this is real ignore everyone else and do what works for you and your baby. The shop assistant is not being paid to give you advice on child development and is not qualified to do so. If she put you off buying dummies because of her rant then that is a disciplinary offence. I say this as someone whose child didn’t need a dummy so no vested interest.

“Rule number one of parenting: you do what you think is best and don't listen to anyone else” Up to a point ..............

• won't get her to, not too!

Same question as previous poster, is your baby struggling to settle, and how old is she/he?
My DS is 21 months and we never used a dummy (similarly to you we got pressure from my MIL) because I don't believe he ever needed one.

See what your baby thinks, rather than Mum or shop assistant. My 1st two were so much happier with a dummy but my 3rd only wanted a thumb. The dummy was much easier as it could be added or removed as needed for naps and sleep, easily swapped for a new toy when too old. Number 3 still sucks thumb (and is a happy, well adjusted 22 year old!)

First of all, it's your decision! I bought a dummy for both of my DC thinking that if they ever got to the stage where I thought it would comfort them, then I'd try it. Neither of them wanted them, in fact DS1 would spit it out pretty much straight away and DS2 simply didn't want it in his mouth at all. I have no idea if this is because neither of them had one straight away. The thing with GParents is that you cannot guarantee what they are doing unless you are there with them constantly: my MIL used to look after DN and she would put him in nappies when BIL and SIL was trying to toilet train and give him his dummy when they were trying to wean him off it.

Some of my dc had one (well bloody loads tbh!) as long as they are used appropriately - you don't miss hunger cries for example, and don't have one stuck in 24/7 as a toddler then they have a place imo /e. None of my dc have had teeth /speech issues either.

I don't know about studies but I was told by my obstetrician (named as one of the best in the country) that dummies reduced cot deaths because it helped with the breathing. DS wouldn't take one though!

Dows your baby want a dummy to settle and does it help them settle? If it does use a dummy.
If it doesn’t don’t.
They aren’t common or lazy parenting. I’m sure the cashier in B&M knows her stuff dummies are used in all kinds of situations and often recommended, for example to help prem babies muscles and suck, when babies are ventilated, and when they’re poorly. How can that be lazy parenting?
There is some research that says using a dummy when putting baby down to sleep reduces the risk of SIDS.

Babies have a need to suck for comfort. If you are bottle feeding it is very likely they will require a dummy, if you are breastfeeding on demand they might not and dummies can interfere with breastfeeding sonare not recommended during the first few weeks (until your milk supply is established as otherwise baby sucking on dummy might make your milk supply lower ythan it should be).

I was in the never camp until Ds was in NICU and they said it was either a dummy or formula as he was upsetting all the other babies when I wasn't there. He had one for about 8 weeks and it actually helped us as I had an oversupply of milk and he would happily comfort feed for six plus hours at a time, throwing up, re-latching, throwing up, re-latching but with a dummy if we timed it right, we could wriggle him off the nipple and onto the dummy.

I'm pregnant again and wouldn't rule one out if this baby takes after their big brother but if you and your partner don't want to use one and don't a need for one, don't use it.

Also it's worth bearing in mind that some children just won't take a one. My DM tried but gave up as I kept spitting them out.

As for how you stop your DM giving DD one without your consent, then unfortunately it's no unsupervised contact especially if she has form.

We never used them, I personally don't like them. They may prove useful to you or you may not want to use them. Everyone is different.

HOWEVER- the issue here is your parents/PIL. They do not get a say. Let them try and dictate and it wil only, only lead to bigger issues.

Put your foot down and get your DH to do the same. Tell them to back off, YOU'LL decide on issues like dummies and if they can't respect your wishes as the parents then they'll end up not being able to have them unsupervised. End of chat.

Well it's up to you isn't it but I wouldn't be quick to dismiss dummies completely.
My dd had silent reflux and a dummy really helped her to settle, I wasn't gonna give her one but it was either that or no sleep.

Oh and yes as regards your mum I'd just tell her now you'll be avoiding her having sole care as you know what she did with your brothers child and you don't want her going behind your back and you falling out. Tell her to get used to not being asked to babysit.

As others have said wait until baby is here to see what he/she is like. My first 2 I never gave dummies to as they were very placid and I didn't need to however the 3rd one I would of loved him to have accepted a dummy because he had colic and cried continuously but he wouldn't take it. Ignore others and do what you need to. I hate to see 4 year olds with dummies though

I think the problem is weaning them off dummies. And never coating them with something sweet to get the baby to take them - any dentist will tell horror stories of kids who had theirs prepped with something sugary and the consequent early loss of first teeth. I don't like seeing toddlers with them - can they speak with a dummy in? - but if it's for health reasons or to settle an inconsolable child, is there a problem? Agree with PP who said the natural alternative - a thumb - can last a lot longer!

Imagine, this is what our great great grandmothers would have used! God!!

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sugar_tit

Also, yes dummies reduce cot deaths as baby as something in her mouth so less likely to start sucking stuffed animals, bed sheets or any other item potentially placed in the cot (that's what I read somewhere anyway). Breastfeeding reduces the risks of SIDS and a breastfeeding mother can wake up if her co-sleeping baby stops breathing during the night, so both options have advantages really. Some articles I have read separate cot death and SIDS with SIDS being from an unexplained cause (i,e. The baby just stops breathing).

I was anti dummy until I had my dd who I breastfed with some difficulty. Because I found it hard to breastfeed I wasn't going to use breast for comfort and my dd wouldn't sleep unless she was sucking, so I used a dummy. I researched and used the ones that are orthodontically better and she only had it for sleeping, if she was crying and not hungry and had only just woken up then I cuddled and tried to find another way of comforting. She stopped having it for night sleeping at 8 months and for day naps at about 15 months. Needs must and I don't think they're a problem until a child has one in more often than not and it starts to affect their speech and communication.

I had one. DS wasn’t bothered by it much after 4 months. I wish he had have been as sometimes he would want to suck empty bottles.

I never used one with DD. She was easy to settle and never need it. Didn't need a comforter either. All children are different.