Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

To use or not use dummies? & Possible MIL issue with dummy use!

65 replies

Newdadofgirl · 16/02/2018 12:30

Ok Sorry for the long post, and yes, I know this has probably been posted before, but I've been wondering about using dummies. (I don't mean to offend with anything I say, so please don't be offended as I relate the various things I've heard)
My Mam says we should use a dummy on DD.
My partner says no. I agree with my partner unless convinced otherwise..
Issues that I'm considering...
Belief that SIDS can be reduced, Is this actually based on scientific evidence? Are there studies? Or is it just a case of Facebook says?
My mam appears to think that dummies are great, in all situations, and that we should use one, so does my partner's mam, so both grandparents/MILs say we should.
However the girl on the till in B&M Bargains said to me (while I was buying dummies) that I should not use them, she never used them, it was lazy parenting, dummies were common, and there was no benefit to using them. I don't normally get parenting advice from B&M Bargains but she seemed very passionate and appeared to mention things I've heard from others too.
So Mumsnet convince me Yes or No!
Second issue - My mam is really pushing dummy use, I said to her last night to stop pushing dummies as we were not going to be using them. However, when my brother said the same, my Mam actually gave his kids dummies behind his back!! How do I stop this from happening If we decide no dummies?
Thanks in Advance for any advice.

OP posts:

Lipniki · 16/02/2018 13:24

The teeth thing, I had forgotten about that. My friend has a DC the same age, she didn't use dummies. Her DC ended up a thumbsucker and still is at 7. It's not like you can chop a thumb off. He does have wonky teeth because of it.

SaucyJack · 16/02/2018 13:24

I tried all three of mine with dummies, but only my middle one really took to hers with a passion.

No idea what was the chicken and what was the egg, but she was by far the easiest and nicest of my three.

Happinessisthis · 16/02/2018 13:25

My mum didn't give me one but I sucked my thumb until I was 7.
My DS1 took one at night until 2 then gave it up. My DS2 is a force to be reckoned with and has a dummy a lot. Just turned 2. We're rolling with it for now

Thistlebelle · 16/02/2018 13:28

It’s up to you are your partner to decide.

Be very clear to Grandparents that using dummies without permission will mean that they don’t get unsupervised contact.

Neverender · 16/02/2018 13:30

Always said we would use one but was given one and we tried it one night when she was distressed. DD loves hers and I would have told you we weren't giving her one, ever! Binning them before 18m though.

Chathamhouserules · 16/02/2018 13:33

Her dummy made dd3 very happy and helped to soothe her so I'm in favour. Ds had one for about 4 months then didn't want it. I didn't give one to dd1 and I think she would have been happier with one so I do regret it. It depends how easy they settle I think but I think if there's something you can do to help then why not?

Trillis · 16/02/2018 13:37

All my 3 had dummies (the teeth-friendly ones) for sleeping/settling. They really helped a lot, and long term I figured it would be easier to take a dummy away than a thumb! As it happened, we didn't have any issues in getting rid of the dummies - hardest was my daughter who was 2 when she stopped using them. I kept 'losing' or 'forgetting' them when we were out of the house and she just gradually stopped asking altogether.

I much prefer dummies to thumb sucking though. A relative of mine tried really hard to give up sucking her thumb for her 40th birthday. I know that's an extreme case, but no kid will want to be seen with a dummy at school, whereas there are bound to be some thumb suckers still at that age, and prolonged thumb sucking is much worse for your teeth.

Original poster

Newdadofgirl · 16/02/2018 13:48

Hi everybody and thanks so much for the responses.
Baby is now 10 weeks old.
I don't think she has problems settling, but she does seem to have issues with passing wind and with constipation, which do stop her settling (she is on Comfort milk, but also takes a lactose supplement and Biogaia is in the post, from previous Mumsnet advice). The wind and constipation seems under control.

OP posts:

PurpleCrazyHorse · 16/02/2018 13:51

DD wouldn't even take a dummy, even though I tried as she was a sucker and basically I had to feed her to soothe her. Would have much preferred a dummy, I think she would have been a happier baby. Sadly only BFing would do.

DS had one at night for a few months from nearly newborn to a few months old. He stopped using it on his own and we only used it at night. He was also a sucker and it did help settle him at night. This was key for me as I was doing the school run with our oldest so needed some sleep to function in the morning.

My only concern was that it might affect their teeth and speech, but we only ended up using them at night. Either way, I would expect grandparents at follow our lead on dummy use and I wouldn't leave the children unattended with them if they couldn't do that as I would find it really disrespectful.

AthenasOwl · 16/02/2018 13:58

Hi I really did not want to give my now 3 year old dd a dummy, I had not done so with my other dcs but she turned out to be quite an unsettled baby. She had reflux, she cried a lot and didn't sleep well. In the end I gave her a dummy...it served it purpose but I'm regretting it now coz we can't get rid of it!
It's your baby so do things the way you feel are right.

Original poster

Newdadofgirl · 16/02/2018 14:13

Thanks ever so much for the input. Really appreciate you all taking the time to advise me. This is great teamwork.
You are all right I was a bit surprised by B&M girl, didn't see why it was her business, but I'm trying to get stuff "right" so I guess I added her "advice" to the mix, its amazing how her comments actually caused me to question what I should do, normally I wouldn't have given it a second thought.
Glad you all seem to think that grandparents need telling clearly. We have said no dummies for now, but my mam giving my brothers kids dummies is an issue and has muddied the waters with regards to trust. I really hope she will accept the decision and not try it on my DD. I'm sure you can all appreciate its a fine line with grandparents between offending them or not. I know I need to grow a pair and lay down the law politely but very firmly.

Thanks for the SIDS advice too. Some of the points are fascinating and I will have to think about this.
I'm getting the impression overall that there is nothing wrong with dummies but it seems that some do and some don't.
I cant thank you all enough, every day with baby is amazing, but I do worry a lot about getting things wrong, I know its stupid and stating the obvious, but I do!

OP posts:

FlyTipper · 16/02/2018 14:31

Most babies like a dummy. Every baby I see in France has one. My 2 children were bf, one liked his dummy for 4 months, the other used to make her gag. Maybe your baby wouldn't take a dummy, even if offered. That would sort out the problem.

OutComeTheWolves · 16/02/2018 14:32

I've found that the baby will decide. With my first, he cried a lot and nothing would settle him until one night we cracked and tried a dummy. It settled him immediately and I had no problem with giving him something that gave him comfort.

With my second, we bought some just in case and she wasn't interested at all.

Original poster

Newdadofgirl · 16/02/2018 15:47

I just spoke to my mam and clarified the no dummy until we decide otherwise point. We will see how it goes!

I've also updated my partner on the various options you've all been kind enough to mention.

Thanks again to you all!

OP posts:

happymummy12345 · 16/02/2018 15:57

Ultimately it's yours and your partners decision to make, and no other family member has the right to go behind your back or go against the decision you make.
(Personally I agree with the b&m girl. I hate them with a passion and think they are unnecessary, and look awful. I'd never ever let my child have one. I refuse to believe that they help at all. And no my child doesn't suck his thumb either. He did occasionally when he was younger, but stopped himself around 8 months old. But that's just me. I'd never say someone else shouldn't use them if they want to).

Flip

1 2 3