To use or not use dummies? & Possible MIL issue with dummy use!

[Newdadofgirl]

Ok Sorry for the long post, and yes, I know this has probably been posted before, but I've been wondering about using dummies. (I don't mean to offend with anything I say, so please don't be offended as I relate the various things I've heard)
My Mam says we should use a dummy on DD.
My partner says no. I agree with my partner unless convinced otherwise..
Issues that I'm considering...
Belief that SIDS can be reduced, Is this actually based on scientific evidence? Are there studies? Or is it just a case of Facebook says?
My mam appears to think that dummies are great, in all situations, and that we should use one, so does my partner's mam, so both grandparents/MILs say we should.
However the girl on the till in B&M Bargains said to me (while I was buying dummies) that I should not use them, she never used them, it was lazy parenting, dummies were common, and there was no benefit to using them. I don't normally get parenting advice from B&M Bargains but she seemed very passionate and appeared to mention things I've heard from others too.
So Mumsnet convince me Yes or No!
Second issue - My mam is really pushing dummy use, I said to her last night to stop pushing dummies as we were not going to be using them. However, when my brother said the same, my Mam actually gave his kids dummies behind his back!! How do I stop this from happening If we decide no dummies?
Thanks in Advance for any advice.

Oh my goodness that shop assistant was out of order. I would have complained.
My DS loves his dummies. He uses them to settle to sleep. He’s 9 months now. I plan on weaning him off when he is a bit older.
DS was a very ‘sucky’ baby and dummies have really helped, I worked on the rationale that you can’t chop a thumb off but you can take a dummy away.

I was all set to not give DS1 a dummy but had bought them ‘just incase’. He had a few issues as a newborn, and the midwife told me that babies like to suck on things, it’s a natural reflex and there’s certainly nothing wrong with a baby having a dummy for comfort needs. I’m glad I listened to her, but ultimately you won’t know until baby is here.

We used them with my twins. They hated them the first few months which was fine and then they only wanted them to sleep from 3months til about 6months and now won't even look at them which i find great and I don't have to worry about weaning them off them.
But it's whatever works for you and your partner

Looking for scientific facts re SIDS but taking the girl in B&Ms opinion as gospel 😂

Whether you use a dummy is a totally personal choice and not something that the girl at the till at B&M or your mam should have any input on. Your baby, your choice. If your family can't respect your choices, then they shouldn't have unsupervised time with your children until they do. End of.

As for the research on dummies, yes, it's pretty convincing. There are population level studies of dummy use and SIDS and the evidence is pretty strong that they are protective against SIDS. Now that doesn't mean that they will protect your child or that how you parent generally (in terms of bf, sleeping close to baby, your lifestyle, etc.) won't offer even greater protections in the balance of things. But the correlation is pretty strong and there is a reasonably biologically plausible explanation for it. It's likely do to how it helps babies to regulate their breathing as they move through sleep stages through sucking. You can achieve absolutely the same effect if you're happy to breastfeed and allow baby to comfort suck for naps and nighttime sleep. Many mums don't really want to do this though, so dummies are a viable option when you don't or can't. The key according to my HV is that whatever you do, you do it all the time. So if you do comfort sucking, you should do it as much as possible, keeping baby with you during the night. If you offer a dummy, you should offer it for every nap and every overnight (but not necessarily for other times, that's when the problems with speech development come in). If you aren't going to offer anything, then baby should never sleep with a dummy - this is why it's important to make sure your family respects your wishes. Sleeping with a dummy at times and not others in a really sporadic way in the early days and weeks could introduce a risk of SIDS greater than not using one at all. So I think that's important.

But really, your baby, your choice. I'm a health scientist and I've opted to use dummies for sleep with both of mine as I think the benefits outweigh any downsides given the research. But you have to do what's right for you and do it consistently. They need to butt out.

I was on the fence myself, bought some to have in , but wasn’t going to automatically give them.

Then dd ended up in nicu and they normally give one to preserve sucking reflex. It also calmed her. A nicu nurse told me tiny babies only have 2 ways to self soothe as newborns. Noise (crying to make white noise) and sucking.

My dd used a dummy at sleep times up until she was 2. Perfect teeth, good sleeper, no speech problems (but we were strict about sleep times only once she reached 4 months).

Dd2 we had dummies and were happy to give one, she was a serious comfort sucker, my nipples were nearly dead, but she flat refused a dummy! Bottles she was fine with fingers, toys, teddies all got sucked too, but a dummy got screamed at!

So it might be a non issue!

But I agree a straight flat conversation with your parents, “this is our choice and we ask you to stick by it. If you won’t you will never be alone with baby and if you continue to defy our wishes you will not see us at all. We deserve respect”

All of my kids had dummies, even the one who was initially breastfed (my first), it didn't affect his breastfeeding. None of them had any teeth problems as a result either.
It's up to you really, I don't think they cause any harm, but there again not all babies like them either.
Incidentally I would have told the sales assistant in B+M to keep her opinions to herself.

YABU for taking advice from B & M girl but getting all judgey about 'Facebook says'. They are both as bad as each other! We used dummies for both babies, they were a real help. Babies like to suck . Neither child seems to have suffered for having had them for a short while. But it is up to you (and your baby, if she will take it)

I was firmly in the ‘never’ camp before I had DS however he had very bad reflux when a baby and GP & HV both suggested a dummy to help him settle after a feed. Something about the sucking helping to stop the milk coming back up I think. I never researched it but after listening to him screaming and writhing about I went out and bought some. He settled immediately and didn’t seem in so much pain with his reflux. He is now 15 months old and only has his dummy for his nap and bedtime.

I’m now pregnant with DC2 and I’m going to wait and see what they’re like but won’t hesitate to use a dummy again if they have the same issues as DS1

I think dummies are great if used right. I have seen them used in what I would call a lazy parenting way and I don’t like seeing toddlers walking round with them in for no discernible reason.
However they can give comfort to a crying baby and if your baby has reflux and wants to suck for comfort it could be a real help. DD has a dummy and I am very strict with it, it is rarely taken out of the cot but gives her some comfort in the night and helps her go to sleep. She also says yes now if I say do you want to go for a nap because she gets her dummy 👍🏻
It’s up to the baby to decide really, you might have a sucky baby or you might have the easiest baby in the world and not need to use them. It’s not for anyone else to tell you what to do.

I was always one of those mums who swore they wouldn’t give their children dummies. After 6 weeks of reflux hell with dd (now aged 14) I gave in and never looked back. LOVE dummies. They literally gave me my sanity back.

Both of mine have had them - I have two dc ten years apart. Both of them gave them up when they were ready - in fact ds aged 5 does still have his for bedtime only. Both dc have excellent teeth, they both see a dentist for check ups and I don’t tell the dentist about the dummy because I know how judgy they can be. Apparently both dc have brilliant teeth, no problems etc at all.

I really think the whole dummy thing is another stick for us all to beat each other with.

Do what you think is right for you and the baby. I said I wasn't going to use one, everyone told me I should MIL even bought us some in the care package she did when DD was born. I threw them away so they weren't even in the house so wasn't tempted in the early hours of a morning. But I know of children that have had them and it doesn't seem to have done them any harm. Also see kids that are way too old for them talking round them and that isn't good for speech or teeth. But its your baby and your decision.

I will say I didn’t really want to give my baby a dummy. My mum had said you will need one so I bought two and put them away just in case. We managed to resist giving it for four weeks ( this is recommended anyway if you are trying to establish breastfeeding) my son had terrible colic would scream all day and refuse to sleep I was finding it so hard so thought I’d try the dummy. It was brilliant he immediately relaxed and calmed down stopped thrashing around. The fact he relaxed and actually managed to get a bit of rest made me think it was a actually beneficial for him as well as me. You might have no colic and not have any need for a dummy at all which is great but I wouldn’t rule it out completely. My son is now 6 months he only has a dummy if he’s really tired as it helps him drop off but doesn’t need it all night or when he is awake. There is no need for one if you don’t feel the need but it can be a comfort.

I would follow your baby's lead on this. With DC1 I decided I wasn't going to use dummies as I'm not a fan for various reasons. She wasn't a "sucky" baby and so she never needed one. I put it down to my wonderful parenting and teaching her to self settle Anyway, DC2 comes along a few years later and I smugly said that I wasn't doing dummies again. This time I have a very "sucky" baby. He is constantly sucking on fingers and fists. In the end, after repeatedly gagging himself after forcing hands into his mouth too far I've relented and bought a dummy. Actually I've bought about 10 because he's so miserable without one. Some baby's need something to suck, and some don't. Follow your baby on this.

I was against dummies until DD was 3 weeks old and I spent 4 hours in the middle of the night with my little finger in her mouth because she wanted to suck. She's 18 months old now. I let her have unrestricted use until she was around 15 months and now she is only allowed it in bed. I've heard the lazy parenting thing a lot but to be honestly honest I think parenting is hard and sometimes its ok to be just a little bit lazy. I not keen on seeing 3/4 year olds running around with one but it's up to the parent really. If we have another I will just see if they need one

Never used one with any of my 4. My sister also said the lazy/common thing.

I didn’t want to use a dummy I read the information that they can help prevent SIDS. After that it was a no brainer for me and 10wk old baby DS has one now and then during the day, but is always put to sleep with one.

dont rule out anything.... do what makes you and baby happy, you might find that baby needs a little something to help settle and you might find baby doesnt.... dont back yourself into a corner refusing all and everything now, just take a wait and see approach as you just never know!

I don’t understand the ‘lazy’ comments. How does wanting to prevent cot death make someone lazy. What a ridiculous thought.

I don't get the lazy thing either. Dummies literally saved my sanity, I wasn't been lazy because I needed to get some sleep with a reflux baby.

Better than thumb-sucking IMO as you can wean a child off the dummy but the thumb is always available!

Pros of dummies;

• they're cheap and easily replaced (as opposed to a special teddy/ expensive light up toys)
• they're portable and easy to clean (again as a opposed to light up sheep/ special blankets etc)
• they're not attached to your body so someone else can settle your baby more easily should you want to go out.
• they reduce the risk if SIDS- Lulaby trust is good enough for me
• they're much easier to control that a thumb and do far less damage to teeth. My friend still sucked her thumb at 15 and it caused untold damage to her teeth. She say she still sometimes wants to now and she's nearly 40! With a dummy you can control it's use.

Cons;

• some people don't like how they look. After 6 months old no one would really even see my dc with a dummy becasue they're only used for sleep.
• some people think they damage bf. I'm not entirely convinced of this. Babies spit them out if they're hungry.

Honestly op as a no cry sleep aide you can't beat a dummy.

Mine had MAM dummies. From 6 months only at bedtime, took them all away about 18 months ish, one night just took them away, few minutes of fussing then no more.

Up to you. I don't understand any angst about it.

My two never had dummies, I offered them when they were babies but they never took to them which was a god send when I saw my friends trying to wean their little ones off the dummy. Do what you feel is best x

Obviously, our child your rule. My DD had a dummy (up until she was 4!), as we thought it would be easier to take a dummy away from a baby/child than her thumb. When my DD was born the midwife said that she was a very sucky baby and would need something. The problem was, as stated above, weaning her off of it. In the end the "Dummy Fairy" took all of her dummies away and left her a present in their place. She never looked back after that.