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Original poster

To move our family of 4 in with my parents??

70 replies

exitbreak · 16/02/2018 07:07

We have recently found out that our landlord is going to be selling the property that we currently live in. We are not in a position to buy at the moment. Buying is our long term goal however trying to save for a deposit is nigh on impossible when about 50% of our income goes on rent and household bills before food and other essentials.

Suitable rental properties are difficult to come by in my area and go very fast. DCs are 2 and 5 and eldest starts school this year. Even more difficult to find houses in his school catchment area.

DH is viewing a property today however it is quite a bit more than we're paying just now and also a higher council tax band so more output and giving us less to save.

My mum and dad live 15 minutes away from us. When DS's school place is accepted that's him in anyway so can still go to that school. They have a 3 bedroom house. They have said they would take us in.

Pros:

  • save lots of money in short space of time
  • company for my parents and me as DH works long hours

Can't think of much more!

Cons:

  • moving in with parents!
  • very different people, they don't go out or drink
  • we used to not get on that well but we've all mellowed a bit
  • lack of privacy
  • all the usual house sharing stuff
  • I don't drive so further away from people I know and a bit longer commute to work which is already 1.5hrs each way
  • my dad would have to take eldest to school and do pick up when DH was working though they currently watch the kids 2 days a week

Also my mum is unwell and going through tests just now but I think me being there would help with the burden on my dad in terms of he has to do everything in the house and he had a stroke last year.

DH suggested we possibly get something lower priced to rent per month and just put up with it but then we'd be staying somewhere not very nice for longer as longer to save.

Please help!

OP posts:
FlouncyDoves · 16/02/2018 07:10

Don’t do it. Your dad had a stroke last year if you think moving in with two little children will help him recover from that then you’re mad.

Also, I don’t see why them not going it and drinking matters!

hesterton · 16/02/2018 07:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BiologyMatters · 16/02/2018 07:12

That sounds like a recipe for disaster. Stand on your own two feet.

Pengggwn · 16/02/2018 07:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LML83 · 16/02/2018 07:13

if you have a good relationship with parents and agree to move to cheaper rental accommodation if it becomes too much for anyone then what's to loose by trying it?

I would calculate what you can save per month if living with parents and deposit required. If it's 3-6 months to save worth a try. Longer than that could be a pressure on you all.

Rumpledfaceskin · 16/02/2018 07:14

We are soon to be a family of 4 living in my mums 3 bed, with her. My dh does work away in the week though so it’s a little less crowded. It works well. My dd loves having her grandma around. I’m very close to my mum and love spending as much time with her a possible as I realise life is really short. My dh gets on well with her too. We too are waiting to buy a place so I think if you know it’s not forever go for it. It’s surprisingly common now (bloody rental costs). I have other friends well into their 30s in the same position so I don’t feel so odd. It seems you’ll achieve your end goal quicker this way.

liitlepenguin · 16/02/2018 07:16

I'm living with my DP with my DH and two small DC. This is because we bought and are doing the house up. We have a great relationship. That said there are tensions a lot. Grown up dynamics are much much different!! Whilst we are really grateful for their help all of us can't wait till we move back out! Grin

ByTheBlueBay · 16/02/2018 07:16

Your DH doesn't want to so no don't do it. If that's not enough, then the fact you don't get along well with your parents should. Living with them is only going to put more pressure on the fragile relationship.

speakout · 16/02/2018 07:16

I think no longer than a temporary arrangement.
Your parents are in ill health Asking your father to do the school run every day is unfair.
Could you move to a cheaper area?

AppleKatie · 16/02/2018 07:21

I think if you move between the school place being granted and September you run the risk of having it withdrawn.

And also don’t do it if you can avoid it- the picture you paint does not look happy.

YellowMakesMeSmile · 16/02/2018 07:24

No I wouldn't, your DH doesn't want to do that alone Is reason enough let alone two young children and your parents ill health.

I'd find other ways to save, either by living in a cheaper area, taking on more hours, cutting back on all luxuries like drinking etc.

ToffeePennie · 16/02/2018 07:26

We did. For two years we have lived as a family of 3 with my inlaws. Then found out we were expecting the baby and made the choice to move in with my parents as they have slightly more space (a second living room). We are waiting for a new build property to be built and there’s 5 adults a toddler and a baby here. My husband works from home, I’m on maternity leave, my dad works shifts so gets a week at home every 4-5 weeks, my mum finishes work at 1pm every day and my brother only does 20 hours a week. So you can imagine the difficulty when everyone’s schedules coincide and we are all here together - especially bad when the toddler is off nursery because he’s ill. But we have managed and muddled through for the last year and will continue to do so.
My advice would be to lay some ground rules now before you get too entrenched. Good luck!

KERALA1 · 16/02/2018 07:30

God no way. We moved in for 10 weeks before we bought our house as the temporary rental we had arranged pulled out the day we moved (a devout Christian landlord who saw no problem in breaking a signed contact and leaving a family homeless Hmm). I get onreally well with my parents but living back at home with your parents after being independent for years is hideous. Shudder at the memory.

maras2 · 16/02/2018 07:32

I adore DD and grandkids see them most days BUT
Always happy to see them go home.
Don't do it.

Mummyoflittledragon · 16/02/2018 07:35

I think that sounds like quite a lot for your parents to take on. You’d really have to as a minimum find alternative after school care in the evenings to take the pressure off your dad. It’s one thing to take a refreshed, fed and dressed child to school. Quite another to pick up an overly tired and emotional reception year child.

Do it if you want. But start looking for a childminder now.

CPtart · 16/02/2018 07:35

I suspect they don't want you but are too polite to refuse. They already do your childcare two days a week, what a commitment for them when they're unwell. How old are they?
I couldn't impose like that it's not fair. Too much.

shinysinkredemption · 16/02/2018 07:37

I'd go for a rental property that might be smaller/cheaper than what you want so you can save, rather than impose on your parents. Expecting your Dad to do the school run is a really big ask and you'll spend over 3 hrs a day commuting so I'm guessing a lot of the 'looking after the family' eg cooking and cleaning will fall on your parents shoulders especially as it sounds like DH won't feel at home there.

TheEmojiFormerlyKnownAsPrince · 16/02/2018 07:39

If you move before your dc actually start at the school you have to notify the LEA by law and they will allocate you another another school.

You can only keep the place once they've started

shinysinkredemption · 16/02/2018 07:42

And this DH suggested we possibly get something lower priced to rent per month and just put up with it but then we'd be staying somewhere not very nice for longer as longer to save.
Yes but you'd have your independence which is priceless IMO.

I hope you are able to help your Dad out with house stuff anyway if you're getting free childcare two days a week.

Whoville · 16/02/2018 07:46

How long you intend to be there will have the biggest impact, if it's just to get you through to September then it's probably doable but as pp have said you'll need to set ground rules for everyone's sakes. If you wanted to stay longer then I'd think very carefully how manageable it will be for your parents and indeed you.

Elementtree · 16/02/2018 07:46

So your mum is unwell and going through tests, your Dad has had a stroke, they already look after your kids for two days a week and your Dad will have to ferry kids back and forward to school when your DH cannot and they don't get out of the house much, you can't drive so you will be in each others pockets all the time.

I think that's probably a car crash waiting to happen. When will they get to sit down and rest?

ExFury · 16/02/2018 07:46

Your DH doesn't want too so that makes it a non starter. These arrangements only work if everyone gets on well and everyone is on board with it.

AjasLipstick · 16/02/2018 07:48

50% of your income is left over?? That's loads! Save it up!

Chugalug · 16/02/2018 07:48

I think that's a good way to get some money saved ,be that for a mortgage or just general buffer....it's kind of yr parents.and quite normal nowadays...my dd is about to move back home with her bf while they save for their mortgage,we've added a conservatory so they can have the lounge....it's what you do for family x

GreenSeededGrape · 16/02/2018 07:50

I would take a smaller rental and save. But if you really want to save then move in for 6 months max to boost your savings.

The cons list is a lot longer than your pro list.

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