To move our family of 4 in with my parents??

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We have recently found out that our landlord is going to be selling the property that we currently live in. We are not in a position to buy at the moment. Buying is our long term goal however trying to save for a deposit is nigh on impossible when about 50% of our income goes on rent and household bills before food and other essentials.

Suitable rental properties are difficult to come by in my area and go very fast. DCs are 2 and 5 and eldest starts school this year. Even more difficult to find houses in his school catchment area.

DH is viewing a property today however it is quite a bit more than we're paying just now and also a higher council tax band so more output and giving us less to save.

My mum and dad live 15 minutes away from us. When DS's school place is accepted that's him in anyway so can still go to that school. They have a 3 bedroom house. They have said they would take us in.

Pros:

• save lots of money in short space of time
• company for my parents and me as DH works long hours

Can't think of much more!

Cons:

• moving in with parents!
• very different people, they don't go out or drink
• we used to not get on that well but we've all mellowed a bit
• lack of privacy
• all the usual house sharing stuff
• I don't drive so further away from people I know and a bit longer commute to work which is already 1.5hrs each way
• my dad would have to take eldest to school and do pick up when DH was working though they currently watch the kids 2 days a week

Also my mum is unwell and going through tests just now but I think me being there would help with the burden on my dad in terms of he has to do everything in the house and he had a stroke last year.

DH suggested we possibly get something lower priced to rent per month and just put up with it but then we'd be staying somewhere not very nice for longer as longer to save.

Please help!

We moved into our PIL house with an 18 month old when we moved back to our home country and we were waiting to buy a house. We were there for 13 months in total and it was a fucking nightmare for all concerned. I'd never recommend it to anyone, particularly when there's no definite end in sight.

Bear in mind that of everyone, you are getting the best deal. It's your parents, your family, your home, yes you will feel comfortable there.

However, for your parents its an enormous strain and they will feel under pressure not to voice their frustrations. Given their health, I wouldn't even contemplate it.

For your DH it will incredibly tough. Not his family, not his space, nowhere for him to feel truly relaxed and sounds like his work life is stressful enough. In the same position, I felt totally suffocated.

Don't do it, OP, it isn't fair to anyone.

Honestly I think I’d rent a 1 bed flat and sleep in the living room whilst I saved before I moved in

Op it sounds like you'd be looking at moving in to your parents for up to a couple of years, do they realise that or are they under the impression you'd be looking to buy almost straightaway? It would be completely unreasonable to put that strain on them especially with your Mum's current health worries and with utility bills, potentially additional childcare and needing to be out of the house more at weekends to give your parents their space you'll likely save far less quickly than you think.

Find a smaller, cheaper rental wherever you can manage your commutes from, save and learn to drive to widen your search area for buying in the future. Your children need to go to school in an area where you can afford long term secure housing.

when we returned from abroad years ago we moved in with my parents with a 2.5 year old and an 8 month old and after around 6 months waiting to move into a house they had just about had enough of us ! I think part of the fact was that my mum became unwell and my dad retired and it was just too much for them having small children around. It will probably be fine for a while just don't outstay your welcome !

There is no way I would move in with my parents with the family despite the fact that they have a large house and we got on well. It is a recipe for disaster and surely should be reserved for extreme emergencies e.g. if likely to be very short term and otherwise you will be homeless. I don't know how old you are but I think the older you get the harder it is to fit in with parents as you are more used to independence and they are more used to living by themselves.

I understand you not wanting to uproot your DC but it's MUCH easier to do so now than later. Also this:

"We have looked at rentals elsewhere however I am very much tied to certain areas for being able to commute."

I don't understand as you say you are already 1.5 hours away from your work. What is it tying you to that area if not work or this school you want DC to go to? You can still visit family from further away and DC will always have his cousin and is a good age to build new friendships. I don't want to be a downer, but from what you say about the housing market, it simply sounds like you can't afford to live in your target area so need to be thinking much more broadly about this instead of the drastic step of squeezing in with your poorly parents.

I think this is a really bad idea and you're trying to justify it as it will make life easier for you.

I wouldn't rule it out but I would make it strictly time boxed (say 6 or 12 months) and be ready to move out sooner if it isn't working.

If this is the only way you can realistically get together the deposit for a house then look at practical ways of making it work for both parties.

So rather than save all the rent, apportion a chunk of it for help - pay someone to do the school run rather than your DF doing it. Pay for a cleaner/other help a few hours a week or taxi transport for part of the commute to keep the commute hours down.
Basically all the things you wouldn't normally think of paying for but which would make the overall arrangement work.

If you can put some reasonable help around the arrangement it might well benefit both sides with support for your parents as well as the opportunity to save but plan and discuss it fully.

I don't want to uproot him before he starts school especially when this could happen again in another property. I can't keep moving him to different schools Kids are hugely adaptable; he'll stay in touch with his best friend because they are cousins. The school should not be a factor.

Have you done the sums on what you'd save by moving in with your DP vs renting nearer to where you work (a 1.5 hr commute can't be cheap). If it's 1 year living with DP vs 2 or 3 years in rented, I'd go rented all the way.

Moving closer to my work doesn't make sense for us. I only work 3 days a week and DH's work is close to where we live now. We have my parents, DH's very unwell mum who only has us for support and the rest of my family all nearby to where we live now.

When I mentioned being close for my commute I meant close to the rail or bus link as I need to be within walking distance along either the bus route or train line to get to work.

If your parents and in laws are unwell I'm guessing that you are not that young and you left home many years ago? I think it would be really really difficult to live with them again and even more difficult for your DH. It's not fair on them either as they will have had many years of suiting themselves and not accommodating anyone else.

When I mentioned being close for my commute I meant close to the rail or bus link as I need to be within walking distance along either the bus route or train line to get to work.

That's why I think you should learn to drive in the next couple of years to widen your potential search area for buying.

If your DH's Mum is unwell and your DH works long hours it sounds like you're the one giving her a lot of the practical help? In addition to caring for your children, working 3 days with a long commute. Far too much is going to fall on your Dad if you move in with them, you won't have the time to give him any more help than you do now and you'll actually be increasing his housework load with your 5 and especially 2 year old living there. Your Mum's undergoing tests, she needs peace and quiet at home.

You've got to make compromises and rethink everything again. Learn to drive to ease your commute or move your job, look at areas with more available to rent with cheaper house prices when ready to buy and consider different schools.

I appreciate everyone's comments. Has given me food for thought.

We're 5 months into doing similar.

Differences:

1. It was this or us move about 100/200 miles away - not good.
2. It's just my mum (dad passed away 10 years ago).
3. She's 80, health recently deteriorated, rural location and she can't drive.
4. I'm an only child and there's no other family (hence reason 1))
5. It's a detached house on a bloody great big bit of land, DH is a builder and we're about to double the size of the house.

Honestly? It's a fucking nightmare which makes my heart sink when i wake up every morning.

But needs must.

Only do it if you really are sure you ALL know exactly what this will entail.

Last word would be a warning: 'Communal' areas have the potential to turn into a bitter battle ground.

Thing is that whether or not this kind of arrangement has worked for anyone else is irrelevant, they're not you. It could work well, offering mutual support. Somehow people have got the idea that your husband's against it despite you saying he's not. I'd say give it a go. If it works - and it easily could - it would really boost your savings and it could be great for everyone.

You would be very selfish to do that.

Development since earlier... DH went to view the more expensive rental earlier and really liked it so we put the deposit down. We can afford it but it will cut down our ability to save more.

Will take the pressure off having to make a snap decision and will remove the inevitable eviction looming from here and gives us a bit more control.

It sucks being in this situation and not having the security of our own place.

As was mentioned earlier we are older. The longer we leave buying a property the shorter the term on the mortgage due to DH's retirement age. So would need a bigger deposit which is going to be more difficult.

Oh well, what can you do?

Glad you've found somewhere, good luck with the move.

Once you're settled in, if you haven't already, go for a free appointment with a mortgage broker to discuss your options. We bought our first house last year, DH is sole earner and in his early 40s but got a mortgage over a 25 year term with a 10% deposit (albeit we are in the North and did compromise a bit on area to only need a smallish mortgage, I realise if you're in the South there's a vast difference in house prices).

Depends my 3 bed house then no: as one bathroom, one sitting room - feels cramped when parents stay. However mum and dad have 3 bed victorian house with two bathrooms and two sitting rooms - I could easily see us sharing that house.

As a PP said do see a Mortgage broker.
We bought for the first time in our forties, it was at the height of the recession and Dh was a self employed buider whilst i worked part time with 4 Dc's. He got us a mortgage!
There are often ways and means, that you wouldn't consider or they can give you an idea of a goal to work towards.
Hope the move goes okay!