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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not really want DD (7) to go to a sleepover

77 replies

TittyGolightly · 15/02/2018 21:35

DD is 7 and has been invited to her first sleep over. AIBU to not want her to go because:

  1. We’ve never succeeded with having any of our friends or family’s children sleep in with DD when they have come to stay
  2. DD is a night owl who struggles to get to sleep before about 10pm on a calm day, never mind after a party
  3. Because of this, she goes to sleep with an audiobook or music on - not ideal with a gaggle of about 8 girls
  4. We lost my nan last week. She was very close to her and has been upset at night about it. She’s come into bed with me in the night every night for the last 10 days for comfort.
  5. I’m not sure her spending a night at a classmate’s house is a great idea when they’ve never had so much as a play date before.
  6. They’re 6 and 7. Seems a bit young to me.

On the other hand, she really wants to go. And all of the other mums seem to have jumped at the invitation. Confused

OP posts:
Snowydaysarehere · 15/02/2018 21:37

Maybe let her go for the pj's time +supper but collect at 9? My neighbour's dd used to do this because she wasn't ready for sleepovers.

SleepingStandingUp · 15/02/2018 21:43

Id agree to her going, vut make sure she knows that she can come home any time?
It might be good for her

Stompythedinosaur · 15/02/2018 21:44

Let her go but let both het and the hosting family kniw you're happy to come and collect her late on if she wants to come home?

It would be hard to make her miss it if she wants to go because it will be talked about a lot at school.

Kids seem to have sleepovers a lot younger these days than I remember having them. My two (age 6 and 4) have been to a few. Despite my initial concern that they were too young they seem to be fine.

TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 15/02/2018 21:45

Yanbu. My DD is 6 and has ASD. She definitely couldn't cope with a sleepover. Having said that, one of her friends (in year 2, so a year older) had one for her birthday with about 10 friends from her class. It makes me a little sad, but you know your child and whether she would cope okay.

AugustaLoveday · 15/02/2018 21:51

As Snowy and Sleeping say.

Sleepovers are the work of the devil. But they are ok.DC5 went on her first when she was 5. I have lost track generally, but sleepovers are what they all do.

SilverBirchTree · 15/02/2018 21:53

I think it’s too young, personally

norfolkenclue · 15/02/2018 21:53

I second the PJs, supper and 9pm pick up. I wouldn't, however, give that scenario as an 'option just in case'. I'd make it the 'this is what's happening this time'! A) because it wouldn't be fair on the host parent to be unsure about what might/might not happen and B) you'll be on tenterhooks all evening waiting to know if you have to go and pick up. Also, if you say 'I'll come and pick up anytime' your DD might not settle at all, knowing that she can ring you at literally ANY TIME, and that could be 3am! Again, unfair on the host parents to have to deal with this...it could also (will likely!) set off the other children. Just think about children in a classroom...the minute the teacher lets one go to the toilet, 15 all need to go! Sorry for your loss OP 💐

GabriellaMontez · 15/02/2018 21:54

Yanbu. For all the reasons you say!

There's always a few who get picked up from these things. She's very young. Do you know the family?

AnaWinter · 15/02/2018 21:54

I think 7 is too young for a sleepover.

AugustaLoveday · 15/02/2018 21:55

Silverbirch: How old are your DC?

PrincessHairyMclary · 15/02/2018 21:55

Let her go, pick her up at 9/10pm and just say you have other commitments early the next morning.

AugustaLoveday · 15/02/2018 21:56

Likewise *Anawinter. How many DC have you got? If several, how do you manage to square this?

LovingLola · 15/02/2018 21:57

Mine were 11 before there were sleepovers. And then it was only with their close friends.
I would just say no.

Ringonrighthand · 15/02/2018 21:57

My daughter is 6 and her and her best friend at school are talking about sleepovers! I've said no way just yet. My best friends daughter has stayed over but I've known her since birth, and she comes round all the time so it's a bit different. There is years to come for sleepovers, only do what you feel comfortable with.

Everythingsr0sie · 15/02/2018 22:01

I think it's too young OP, especially with the reasons you've given.

I think the supper, PJs, then late pick up idea is perfect.

AjasLipstick · 15/02/2018 22:01

I agree and didn't allow mine on sleepovers with school friends until they were 9. For me it's simply the idea of sending them off with a family I don't know well.

At 9 they have more common sense and confidence;

egginacup · 15/02/2018 22:03

Sleepovers are great! If she wants to go then why not? My 9 year old has been going on sleepovers with close friends since she was about 6, my 7 year old had her first one this year. Yes they stay up far too late and she’ll be exhausted the following day but as long as it’s a weekend she’ll recover, just plan for a quiet day and early night the next day.

NaughtyNoraTheNamechanger · 15/02/2018 22:03

If it were me I'd let her go but let parent(s) and DD know that if she wanted to come home she could do.

I suppose there's gotta be a first for everything! :)

LittleOwl153 · 15/02/2018 22:04

As an ex-brownie leader who used to take 7-10yr olds on camp I would say as a general thing 7yr olds away from home is a nice thing. If she wants to go then she is probably ready and will be fine. Being up half the night is par for the course with such sleepovers they tend to 'rock till they drop' but if you are concerned talk to the parents and say that she might stuggle to settle etc. You will know from their reaction whether they are prepared or whether it will be tough for them.

My eldest is 8 and has done several nights away with brownies, she has also done a night at a friends which was quite a challenge for her as she has mild medical issues which lead to issues including bed wetting and the inability to settle at bedtime!

My hesitation would be the issue of your nan. Only you know whether she will cope on that one.

Penfold007 · 15/02/2018 22:09

This is about you not her. If she wants to go let her, just make sure the host parents know you are happy to pick her up.

BoomBoomsCousin · 15/02/2018 22:10

My DD had a sleepover for her 7th and we had some kids whose parents were a bit unsure if they would cope. We played it by ear. They were all close by so a pick up would not have been horrendous. Obviously the parents of those who thought there was a possibility of needing to pick up didn’t go out for the evening. Everything went fine (at least for the kids - I was wrecked!). If my experience is anything to go by, night owl issue not going to be a problem - they were awake past midnight, and that was with me sitting int the room with them shushing after 11 pm.

Since she’s keen, talk to the host parents and see if they are OK with the possibility she will need picking up. Might be a way for her to move on a bit emotionally from evenings being about coming in with you.

LovingLola · 15/02/2018 22:14

This is about you not her.

What a load of shite!!
The child is 7. Not 17.
If I decide my 7 year old was not doing something, then she didn't. Simple.

AugustaLoveday · 15/02/2018 22:15

Think this all goes to show that there is no "right" answer. I would have died, rather than let PFB gp to a sleepover. Yet I have lost track of whose child DC5 might be {she has been having sleepovers since she was 4). Shows there is no answer, I think.

DiegoMadonna · 15/02/2018 22:17

You're worried about her not being sleepy early enough? This must be your first sleepover.

TheAntiBoop · 15/02/2018 22:19

We have a 9y limit for sleepovers. However desperate dd is for a sleepover she knows she needs to wait until she is 9.