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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not really want DD (7) to go to a sleepover

77 replies

TittyGolightly · 15/02/2018 21:35

DD is 7 and has been invited to her first sleep over. AIBU to not want her to go because:

  1. We’ve never succeeded with having any of our friends or family’s children sleep in with DD when they have come to stay
  2. DD is a night owl who struggles to get to sleep before about 10pm on a calm day, never mind after a party
  3. Because of this, she goes to sleep with an audiobook or music on - not ideal with a gaggle of about 8 girls
  4. We lost my nan last week. She was very close to her and has been upset at night about it. She’s come into bed with me in the night every night for the last 10 days for comfort.
  5. I’m not sure her spending a night at a classmate’s house is a great idea when they’ve never had so much as a play date before.
  6. They’re 6 and 7. Seems a bit young to me.

On the other hand, she really wants to go. And all of the other mums seem to have jumped at the invitation. Confused

OP posts:
lougle · 15/02/2018 23:09

I went on a sleepover at the village hall as a Brownie when I was 7. 2 of my children went on a Brownie camp 40 miles away for 4 days when they were 9 and 7.

GothMummy · 15/02/2018 23:10

I'm with OP on this one. My DD is the same age and has also been invited to a sleep over at a child's house where she has never even been for a play/tea, and I don't know the parents. I have said no, thankyou, but no. As I dont know what kind of people the hosting parents are, I don't know if their house is safe (might be a drug den or have dangerous fogs, I dont know!) and I don't know who else lives in the house. Its a no go for me.

Beavers/Brownies is different, I would know the leaders, they would all be CRB checked, activities/place staying risk assessed.

GothMummy · 15/02/2018 23:11

*dangerous dogs, not fogs, obviously!

OwlOfBrown · 15/02/2018 23:12

Not all Brownies and Rainbows have sleepovers, pack holidays and camps but many do. Tbf, Brownie pack holidays were certainly around in the 70s when I was a Brownie although my Brown Owl never organised one. The programme is just more adventurous than it used to be (and to some extent we are in competition with Beavers and Cubs who also get to do overnights).

Schools also often run residentials for much younger children than they used to. Certainly where we are they go to PGL in Yr4.

PrincessLuna · 15/02/2018 23:13

What’s wrong with Rainbows? Why is that the last place you’d send her?

Original poster
TittyGolightly · 15/02/2018 23:14

Church, innit. Wink

OP posts:
lougle · 15/02/2018 23:21

Oh well, you should have said! You could have wrapped up this thread in about 3 posts Confused

Bottom line: don't send her if you're uncomfortable. You're her Mum.

DontMakeMeShushYou · 15/02/2018 23:22

Hmm Rainbows and Brownies don't have anything to do with the church, although some groups might meet in church halls. Girlguiding has even taken the word 'God' out of the promise. You're very behind the times, OP.

Original poster
TittyGolightly · 15/02/2018 23:24

You're very behind the times, OP.

Wow. Okay. Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
TittyGolightly · 15/02/2018 23:26

When they take the queen out of it, come back to me.

OP posts:
Newbiecat · 15/02/2018 23:27

I agree with you OP- I think 7 is too young. I’ve just also said no to a Brownie pack holiday for 2 nights away about an hour from where we live. I have a mature 71/2 year old but even still I think it’s just too young! We never did had sleepovers this young in our Brownie days. My daughter often has nightmares (quite graphic) when overtired and I’d hate to think she had one and couldn’t be comforted. It makes me feel like the old fashioned parent though but who cares!

AJPTaylor · 15/02/2018 23:35

I have not yet done a sleepover for dd3 who has just turned 10, having learned the hell it was with the older 2!

ineedaholidaynow · 15/02/2018 23:40

For those who don't let their children do sleepovers until they are much older, do you let them go on school residentials?

Lifechallenges · 15/02/2018 23:41

Mine went on beaver and close friend sleepovers at age 6/7. Year2 Fairly normal where we are. No one bats an eyelid.
Rainbows go at age 5/6
School residential in our area are all 2 nights in year 3
Don’t do if you dont want to, but not that extreme

Original poster
TittyGolightly · 15/02/2018 23:46

DD won’t have a school residential till year 6.

OP posts:
Haudyerwheesht · 16/02/2018 00:04

You've obviously already made your mind up so why ask here?

Fwiw I do think 7 is a bit young BUT if I knew the family well and dd wanted to go then I'd let her. It doesn't sound like you know the family well but I'd be wary of making her feel worried about sleeping with other kids in the room - ds is 11 now and one of his friends mums has built him up to believe he can't do sleepovers and r wouldn't manage for years and now it's really making him stand out and he's really sad about it.

Dd goes to brownies (shock horror) -and has asked to go away for the weekend on camp - I'm not keen AT ALL but she really wants to do it so I'll let her try. (She's 7)

ineedaholidaynow · 16/02/2018 00:17

DS's Primary School used to do residentials from Y4 when DS started, but then added one in Y3, so you can't guarantee that there won't be one before Y6.

Also OP if your DD really wanted to join Brownies would you say no?

In respect of the sleepover if she is really keen and knows some of the other girls really well, even if she doesn't know the party girl that well, I would probably say give it a go, but have a chat with the host parents first to tell them your concerns. And let your DD know that she can come home if she wants.

Have to say sleepover mum is brave having a sleepover after children have already been at a different party earlier in the day

Original poster
TittyGolightly · 16/02/2018 06:57

DD isn’t desperate to go. I’m very much a supportive parent who is happy for her to spread her wings. She’s the one that started the worry about it. It’s not for a week or so so we have chance to see how she feels over half term without the peer pressure.

Similarly, none of her friends go to brownies or rainbows so it’s not something she would ask to do. She already has 3 activities a week of her choice, and knows that doing something else would mean dropping one of those because there simply isn’t the time to do more. We all need downtime.

I’d be amazed if the curriculum changed here to have school trips before y6.

OP posts:
ittakes2 · 16/02/2018 07:03

She wants to go - I would say yes but suggest you’ll ring the mum at bedtime to double check if she still wants to stay. My daughter has trouble sleeping and she takes a kindle to sleepovers or a book and a small book reading light.

metalmum15 · 16/02/2018 07:12

If she does go, I wouldn't recommend saying you'll pick her up at any time if she's upset. I had one child stay here who's mum told her that, she was fine at bedtime, come 3am she was crying to go home and I had to explain her parents would be in bed and wouldn't be able to pick her up until after breakfast. The whole house was practically awake by the time she went back to sleep. She was fine the next morning. ...

Playdohnut · 16/02/2018 07:19

I'm pretty sure they took the Queen out of Rainbows a fair while back... the promise is along the lines of "I promise to do my best, help other people and think about my beliefs" or something. There's no churchy stuff other than they get invited to take part in Remembrance service and a carol service, which are optional. Round here, anyway.

There's an episode of Peppa Pig where she has a sleepover. Peppa is about 4. I think the general age of sleepover "firsts" is coming down. I would find it unusual in these parts for a 7 year old not to have been on one before but it sounds like the timing is off for you.

metalmum15 · 16/02/2018 07:25

My (non religious) kids have done rainbows and brownies. I don't recall them doing anything religious based. Schools will spout far more religious crap in assemblies and RS lessons than rainbows and brownies ever could.

Original poster
TittyGolightly · 16/02/2018 07:25

I don’t know anyone whose kids go to rainbows anyway. She’s musical and sporty so that’s where her desire for activities goes. She’s fairly unusual being an only and having no local cousins. None of her best friends that she’s known since birth have been on sleepovers. She has regular sleepovers with my parents, which she loves, but obviously that’s not the same.

She’s in my bed again after a 3am nightmare. I just can’t imagine her being happy if that happened at a relative stranger’s house.

OP posts:
Original poster
TittyGolightly · 16/02/2018 07:26

Schools will spout far more religious crap in assemblies and RS lessons than rainbows and brownies ever could.

Don’t think I haven’t been working on that!

OP posts:
TeaforTiger · 16/02/2018 07:26

I don't get sleep overs for 6/7yos, especially when fairly unknown to the host family. There's no way it's all going to go smoothly, with no tears or fall-outs or anyone demanding to go home at 3am. So why bother?

Telling a child you'll come and get them 'at any time' is just asking for trouble, but I can see why people say it. How on earth do you manage that as a host parent Confused

All sounds like a nightmare to me.