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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect MIL to feed ds only what I leave out for him?

92 replies

mildredpierce · 02/05/2007 09:44

MIL is looking after ds (8 mo) for a day a week whilst I work, which is great for us all; they enjoy the time spent together & I get peace of mind at work. However, she's always been of the 'I know best' brigade, which mostly isn't an issue, as we have fairly similar views on bringing up kids. I leave food for him so she hasn't got too much to do, but she's always giving him things I don't want him to have - she gave him weetabix the other day with his fruit & porridge. I know it doesn't sound like much but she has no idea what a balanced diet consists of, and I'm worried that one day I'll come home & she'll have fed him chocolate or stuffed him with biscuits before tea. Also, if she can't respect what I want him to eat, will this disregard spread into other areas? So, am I unreasonable to be so bloody annoyed?

OP posts:
oranges · 02/05/2007 09:47

yes. if she is kind enough to help you out, you have to give her some leeway on how she looks after the baby. weetabix is hardly a crime.

colditz · 02/05/2007 09:48

Yes.

Weetabix won't hurt him. You are being overly precious. You can't dictate to her unless you are paying her.

colditz · 02/05/2007 09:49

If you are 'worried' that one day he will have had biscuits before his tea, perhaps you are not yet ready for him to be in anyone elses care? One day he might well have had biscuits before his tea, and this would not be the end of nutrition as we know it.

powder28 · 02/05/2007 09:50

Just tell her you don't want him to have those things!
She won't kill you, or maybe she will....

chipmonkey · 02/05/2007 09:52

Is weetabix bad now?

oliveoil · 02/05/2007 09:53

I have this with my MIL - she gives them Coco Pop Munchers etc so now they don't want my boring cereals

BUT my two are now 4 and 2

when they were babies, I did put my foot down a bit more

I gave her breakfast and lunch and their bottles and said I didn't mind the odd chocolate button or ice cream, but not too much

IMO your MIL is doing you a huge favour - mine did - does - me a massive favour - so you have to bite your tongue a tad in how you word things

maybe say, oh did you feed DS something new yesterday, he was really sick/nappy was amazing/didn't sleep?

then say, oh well, maybe stick to X, Y, Z for a bit and then spoil him a weekend, hahahahahaha

be nice!

PS And she probably does know more than you, mine does.

gegs73 · 02/05/2007 09:53

I felt the same way when I went back to work 2 days a week when ds was 8 months. MIL was great and gave him food I left for him but also other stuff as well. I started getting worried, but in the end decided she was doing me a big favour, ds loved her and it was only a couple of days a week. Think you have to let it go. Maybe say 'oh he's not had that before, anything new he has please let me know so I know if he has funny poo' or something like that so at least you know what she has given him. Good luck know its a tough one.

Wait until he is nearly 3 and she is feeding him dubious looking jelly straws (!! WTF!!!) behind your back

wannaBeWhateverIWannaBe · 02/05/2007 09:54

what is wrong with wheatabix?

you are being overly precious.

contentiouscat · 02/05/2007 09:55

I think if she is only having him once a week and the full extent of her rebellion is a Weetabix, personally I would let it go.

If it escalates to biscuits, cakes & crisps in abundance then obviously you would need to have a word.

This is the problem though when grandparents have them regularly - those of us who see them infrequently accept that on those occasions the kids will be filled with enough E numbers to power a whole nation!

oliveoil · 02/05/2007 09:55

calm down people

can you not remember having an 8 month old?

I was EXTREMELY precious, I gave my MIL an A4 sheet of instructions ffs

she smiled and said oooh thanks, and no doubt binned it

wannaBeWhateverIWannaBe · 02/05/2007 09:57

but at least she tells you what she's given him. if you start saying he can't have wheatabix or anything that you've not pre-approved she may give it to him anyway and not tell you and you will be none the wiser because he's not yet old enough to tell you.

BrownSuga · 02/05/2007 09:58

I'm having the same thoughts about when I go back to work. Have considered packing a snack/lunch box for DS when the time comes, as I have seen what MIL has fed her DGD's and it was quite shocking.

DH had a word about it with her and she is much better these days, offering fruit, yoghurt, sarnies, rather than crisps/cakes/biscuits every day.

gothicmama · 02/05/2007 09:58

I always made it clear to dd that when she was at nan's house it was nanny's rules which were different to mum's this helped dd and I with all kinds of things that crop up mainly about food (you just have to alter the next day or tea to fit in )

oliveoil · 02/05/2007 10:00

On Sunday, we went to collect them from inlaws

they were eating jelly
then had ice cream
and then an ice lolly a bit after

it was a one off so I ignored it, their house etc

what I do is not give them stuff at home as I know full well they get enough treats with her on the 3 days she has them

bozza · 02/05/2007 10:01

olive my SIL can beat you. Many years ago, before any of us had children, we looked after my SIL's kitten overnight and two sheets of A4 instructions - what and when to feed, what to do if he scratches a) people b) furniture etc etc. So goodness knows what sort of instructions she left for her baby....

Daisybump · 02/05/2007 10:02

I used to be a bit precious about my DS....he stays with his GPs most Friday's and although its never been discussed, I know she gives him stuff that I wouldn't, like smarties biscuits and frosties with sugar on top. Did used to feel annoyed, but thought about it some more...if she wants to spoil him like that, then its her prerogative as grandma....it's one day a week and wont harm him in the long run.

He accepts that what he eats at home is different and doesn't even try to bother me about buying things like that...

Another point is that it's her who has to cope with the mad sugar rush...not me, so on her own head be it

wannaBeWhateverIWannaBe · 02/05/2007 10:04

my mum had ds overnight when he was 2 and she gave him a cadburys cream egg. he bounced off the walls all day and when he came down off the sugar high he was a horrible, unbearable little brat and I was glad to put him to bed. I wasn't happy about it but ultimately I can't dictate to my mum what she gives him, because if i did she would do it anyway or it would cause friction between us. she only has him 2/3 times a year anyway (overnight that is) so I just grin and bear it. and as he gets older the aftermath of the sugar isn't as bad as is used to be.

oliveoil · 02/05/2007 10:05

oh god yes the sugar rush

it is hideous isn't it, like having different children

wannaBeWhateverIWannaBe · 02/05/2007 10:06

bozza a friend of mine owns a cattery and she told me that she had a cat in whose owner left aa similar sheet of instructions. i mean the woman owns a cattery fgs

LIZS · 02/05/2007 10:07

Yes you are , weetabix is hardly going to do him harm and won't upset the "balance" of his diet. Presumably he was hungry enough to eat it ?

By all means say you don't want him to have ice cream , chocolate, soft boiled egg, nuggets and chips etc yet or anything you think he reacts badly to but you have to allow her some leeway. If she were a paid nanny you could be more stringent but she isn't. If he were at nursery you'd have even less control. Presumably it is only breakfast and lunch for now anyway, 2 meals out of a potential 21 a week ?

wannaBeWhateverIWannaBe · 02/05/2007 10:07

OO I always tended to find it wasn't so much the sugar rush as what he was like when the sugar wore off. hidious. and yet there was recently a study that said sugar actually has no effect - yeh right.

suejonez · 02/05/2007 10:10

My mum also has DS one day a week and I just shut my eyes stick my fingers in my ears and say "la la la la". They both have a lovely time and I am none the wiser. Peace reigns. I take the attitude that whatever she does, one day a week is not enough to create a habit and I want her to be able to be a Grandma as well as a childminder. Why not give her one or two unmoveable rules (no more) and explain why, then try to chill about the rest.

morningpaper · 02/05/2007 10:13

I want her to be able to be a Grandma as well as a childminder

agree

Grandma's are meant to spoil children - I remember one of mine ALWAYS had a packet of chocolate buttons in her dresser drawer for me which I scoffed when I arrived

WanderingTrolley · 02/05/2007 10:20

Mildred, what are your memories of your grandparents?

Mine often had sweets/cakes, let me stay up late, bought me ice creams, let me watch too much tv.... I adored them.

Sue Jones speaks the truth. Also, am loving the image of a woman handing her child to her mother and running out the door with fingers jammed into her ears and singing LA LA LA.

Really, sometimes what you don't know won't hurt you. I'm paid to look after children and will do as I'm told. In return for looking after your ds she gets to spoil him.

Stuffed with biscuits before tea once a week is not a disaster. You could give him an early breakfast yourself, time permitting.

Daisybump · 02/05/2007 10:23

LOL Suejonez.