Am I overreacting or being unreasonable about ex/mil/house?

[Titsontoast]

We’ve been living in my now exes MILs old home for about 5 years. Also before that we lived here for awhile but she kicked us out when I was pregnant because we fell out... so the punishment was to make us homeless. Good job. After that the landlord of another property was selling up after our agreement ended after 6 months. The next one the landlord was converting the house, so we moved back into exMILS again.
A few years ago me and my ex broke up, pretty horrifically, he was sleeping with my best friend but we decided to keep it together for the kids sakes.
He agreed to move out so I could continue paying rent without uprooting the kids. It’s VERY over priced rent for this area for, however the area is still a good area and hard to get somewhere here so it’s always been an issue but not one we’ve brought up.

Anyways, I’ve been nagging for years for the carpets to be replaced... a crappy thing, no underlay and it’s so thin that the rubber behind it is showing all over. It’s disgusting and we can’t even carpet clean it because the carpet cleaner treats it like it’s a hard surface. Which isn’t entirely inaccurate.

She refuses to give us a tenancy agreement (I would warrant 5grand in new flooring only if I could be assured that we would be allowed to live here for X time). The house is damp, and needs SO MUCH work done that I’ve slowly been doing over the years when I can afford it.

So now my OH has moved in for about a year, he hates it here but it’s my home, he says because I rent I am entitled to get things fixed and flooring has to be better than what it is as it’s a health and safety hazard. OH has made massive improvements to the house since he’s been here, fixed most things, but then the floor issue is ongoing.

MIL says she can’t afford it, even though she’s constantly going away on holiday. So I asked my ex and he said she has nothing to gain by giving me tenancy assurance so I can get it done and not be kicked out when I get it done (she’s always threatening in a passive aggressive way). So anyway I exploded on my ex, and my mil, and both of them saying I’m overreacting and being unreasonable to expect her to do anything for the house, and she’s under no legal obligation.

I’m losing my mind over here!!!

AIBU and what do I do? I have a massive fear about renting and moving due to the past. It absolutely terrifies me... also my baby is due in a couple of months. I don’t know how to approach this at all

I think you should seriously consider moving out. Sounds like a toxic situation. Can’t you and your partner find a nice private rental rather than paying £5k for someone else’s flooring?!!

Come on OP this one is simple. Move out.

I know, I know.. but I REALLY don’t want to move out. It’s such a hassle and we have a saint Bernard and absolutely nobody wants a Saint Bernard in their property. It’s a nightmare

Jesus. Find somewhere else, don’t tell them, with no tenancy agreement I’m guessing you never put down a deposit??

Move out
Stop sponging off your exs mother
Rent somewhere cheaper elsewhere

You pay overpriced rent for the privilege of living in your ex-mother in law’s house which you hate, has damp and needs loads of work doing to it!!?

Move out!

Sponging? She's paying over the top rent isn't she?

@Blankuser1992 sponging? She wouldn’t be able to pay her mortgage if we didn’t live here - which according to my ex is assurance why we won’t be kicked out, but she did it once before so I’m not convinced.

Our rent is about 300 pound more than anybody on our street and it’s also the shittiest looking house. I’m not sponging. I just want somewhere to live! With clean floors ideally!

@JCo24 no deposit. But we had to a thousand for it to be repainted and cleaned because the tenant she had in between us absolutely trashed the place. A young person she was doing a favour to her parents letting her stay there (for much cheaper than what I pay!)

I know I should move out but honestly finding somewhere that will accept a Saint Bernard is a bloody nightmare. And I hate moving so much, plus my OH has put so much work into this house lately

And I’m so frigging big right now

OP this all sounds so toxic. I'd move. Is there anyway you could go on the council?

Move out. The whole situation is insane.

*On our street... I mean on this little series of cul de sacs

Stay there then, put up with it and stop moaning

What do you want? A tenancy agreement would probably give you a rolling months tenancy so four weeks notice to leave.
However as she is accepting rent you have what’s called an ‘implied tenancy’. But she can still ask you to leave at any time.
Are there council or housing associations near you?

Could you redo the floors yourself in a more economical way? Perhaps a laminate and then get some area rugs?

@Gigimoll I’m not sure, both me and my partner work and we aren’t homeless so I’m not even sure I’d get anywhere quick enough anyway as it isn’t an emergency. There’s only 3 council houses in this village and they’re all taken.

Do I not have any rights as a tenant without an agreement? Doesn’t she legally have to give me one, or can I not legally force her to?

@MyBoysAndl I’m moaning because I want it solved

In this order...

Get yourself on the housing register - contact the council to do this
Have your baby
Update the council with news you now have a baby in housing where you have no tenancy agreement, it's in a poor state of repair and landlord won't do repairs and are regularly being threatened with eviction.
Bid on every property you qualify for
and eventually MOVE OUT!

Seriously you need to get over your fears of moving and MOVE OUT!

Cross post....

You need to be prepared to move to another area to get better housing and security. It will be worth it.

You rent and you took on a giant breed dog? Riiiiiight...

sponging?! What an absurd thing to say she’s paying over the top and MIL is avoiding any LL responsibilities!

You’ve got to move OP, she’s a dick and so is your ex.

I don't think there are any answers here apart from move out. The question really is, do you move out sooner or later? I would maybe start saving for a deposit and look at moving to a cheaper area so you can be independent of these people.

Move out FFS.

Can you buy? You say you both have jobs. Can you put up with it for a year or two and save like demons for a deposit?

OP it doesn't overly matter. There will be places and being as though you're pregnant, if you can get a letter from you MIL saying she's kicking you out, they have to house you as a state of emergency. It can take some time to get somewhere nice but that may be where I live. My mom dropped so lucky with hers and she now owns it. But even if its the village across, its better than the situation you're in now x

I bet she hasn't been declaring the income she gets on the house, nor does the annual gas safety check. If she doesn't do the latter, you're risking your family's safety.

Move out. You're paying a higher than market rent, as well as for the repairs that she's refusing to do. If she evicts you, she won't do it legally either, going on past behaviour.

You could contact Shelter (have a look on their website) to learn your rights as a tenant, in fact I advise you do so anyway if you move out.

But really, just move out. I understand your reluctance, but even moving a few times has got to be better than living in your ex MIL's house. And when you do, let HMRC know, as well as the council if you're in an area where landlords have to be registered (some places in England, and all of Scotland and Wales). Oh, and whoever it is who oversees the gas safety aspect as well, she'll get fined.

As long as you are living in her house, she has the power. You. Need.to.move.out.

But you already know this.