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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I overreacting or being unreasonable about ex/mil/house?

63 replies

Titsontoast · 15/02/2018 17:27

We’ve been living in my now exes MILs old home for about 5 years. Also before that we lived here for awhile but she kicked us out when I was pregnant because we fell out... so the punishment was to make us homeless. Good job. After that the landlord of another property was selling up after our agreement ended after 6 months. The next one the landlord was converting the house, so we moved back into exMILS again.
A few years ago me and my ex broke up, pretty horrifically, he was sleeping with my best friend but we decided to keep it together for the kids sakes.
He agreed to move out so I could continue paying rent without uprooting the kids. It’s VERY over priced rent for this area for, however the area is still a good area and hard to get somewhere here so it’s always been an issue but not one we’ve brought up.

Anyways, I’ve been nagging for years for the carpets to be replaced... a crappy thing, no underlay and it’s so thin that the rubber behind it is showing all over. It’s disgusting and we can’t even carpet clean it because the carpet cleaner treats it like it’s a hard surface. Which isn’t entirely inaccurate.

She refuses to give us a tenancy agreement (I would warrant 5grand in new flooring only if I could be assured that we would be allowed to live here for X time). The house is damp, and needs SO MUCH work done that I’ve slowly been doing over the years when I can afford it.

So now my OH has moved in for about a year, he hates it here but it’s my home, he says because I rent I am entitled to get things fixed and flooring has to be better than what it is as it’s a health and safety hazard. OH has made massive improvements to the house since he’s been here, fixed most things, but then the floor issue is ongoing.

MIL says she can’t afford it, even though she’s constantly going away on holiday. So I asked my ex and he said she has nothing to gain by giving me tenancy assurance so I can get it done and not be kicked out when I get it done (she’s always threatening in a passive aggressive way). So anyway I exploded on my ex, and my mil, and both of them saying I’m overreacting and being unreasonable to expect her to do anything for the house, and she’s under no legal obligation.

I’m losing my mind over here!!!

AIBU and what do I do? I have a massive fear about renting and moving due to the past. It absolutely terrifies me... also my baby is due in a couple of months. I don’t know how to approach this at all

OP posts:
Original poster
Titsontoast · 15/02/2018 18:07

@lookingforthecorkscrew yes, well when we got him i felt safe enough here nd my ex was planning on buying this house anyway. And he isn’t going anywhere so it’s still an issue.

And I’m not sure if we can, I do freelance work so no stable income (although it is stable so far, it might not be at some point as it isn’t salary based) and my oh earns a very good salary but has only been in his job about a year, plus then about 6 months contract to the same company before that. I’ve never owned a house but I’m not sure we can get a mortgage based on that?
How long do you need to be in a job first?

OP posts:
MyBrilliantDisguise · 15/02/2018 18:08

Why on earth are people suggesting the council? The OP and her partner are both working and have a dog and no children. They're not exactly a priority for the council, are they?

supersop60 · 15/02/2018 18:08

Ditto to PP.
Move out - this is not working for you.

Gigimoll · 15/02/2018 18:09

Council would be quick for them to sort somewhere. Even if it was a B&B. They can still rent properly on council.

Motoko · 15/02/2018 18:09

A tenancy agreement would probably give you a rolling months tenancy so four weeks notice to leave.

No, a landlord has to give 2 months notice, even on a rolling periodic contract. The tenant can give one month though.

OP, even without a tenancy agreement, you DO have rights. Go to the Shelter website and find out what they are.

BarbarianMum · 15/02/2018 18:10

You have an implied tenancy that does provide you with some legal protection, yes. Your MiL can't kick you out tomorrow fi. It doesn't entitle you to a new carpet though.

Seems to me that you have 4 options.

  1. Leave and rent somewhere else.
  2. Put up and shut up and buy your own carpet.
  3. Tell her that you wang a new carpet by x or you're moving out (and mean it).
  4. Tell her that, from now on you'll be paying £300 a month less rent (and force her to evict you legally if she gets upset).
Original poster
Titsontoast · 15/02/2018 18:10

I have two children ^ and one on the way. No more, but no I don’t think it will be a priority due to income and not being homeless... going from my limited knowledge at least

OP posts:
sirlee66 · 15/02/2018 18:10

What was your OH doing regarding living arrangements before you got together? Eg. If he was renting, could he rent again and you move in with him? Might take the fear you have away slightly?

MyBrilliantDisguise · 15/02/2018 18:11

Sorry, I didn't see the bit about children.

VioletCharlotte · 15/02/2018 18:14

The situation with the ex MIL house clearly isn't changing. So if you want things to change, it's up to you to do something about it. You either move or stay and suck it up. I get that neither option is ideal, but only you can make that call.

Motoko · 15/02/2018 18:15

The OP and her partner are both working and have a dog and no children.

They have a child on the way, and OP has children from her previous relationship. It's in her first post.

However, I do agree that she doesn't need to go to the council.

OP, if you move to somewhere with less rent, you could use the money saved to save up for a deposit. You could look into shared ownership.
Start looking into your other options, they are out there, and stop being so adamant that you don't want to move.

sallyandherarmy · 15/02/2018 18:16

Your choices are:

Move.

Shut up and put up with it.

You have no tenancy agreement so you can't force her to do anything that she doesn't want to do.

Of course, your other option is to carry on doing the home improvements, which will obviously cost you and, at the same time, probably be adding (or at least keeping) the value of her house.

No brainer really.

Cuppaoftea · 15/02/2018 18:19

I have sympathy for your fear of the lack of long term security in private rental but then you have no security where you are now.

Sounds like your ex MIL let you stay in the house for the children's sake after you split with her son. Really though, now you're living with your new partner and having a baby together it's time to move. Maybe refusing to do the work on the house while you're still there is her way of forcing you out.

If you can't find a private landlord who'll accept the dog you'll have to have him rehomed, taking on a pet without secure long term housing for your family was always a risk.

bluebells1 · 15/02/2018 18:25

OP move. Get on Zoopla, choose advanced options and put in 'pet friendly' as a keyword and search. This is simply stupid of you to stay on!

ElephantsYeah · 15/02/2018 18:26

She still has to follow the law whether there's a tenancy agreement or not.

This outlines your basic rights as a tenant: www.commercialtrust.co.uk/buy-to-let-guide/tenants-rights/

NewYearNewMe18 · 15/02/2018 18:28

Is she declaring her rental income?

Perendinate · 15/02/2018 18:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PyongyangKipperbang · 15/02/2018 18:36

Rehome the dog, rent somewhere new. Sorted.

Unless you are putting your desire to have a dog above the health and wellbeing of your children of course, given the damage that damp can have on them.

Some people are not in a position to have a pet, you are now one of them so you need to accept that and find a decent home for your children.

Caroelle · 15/02/2018 18:37

I would write to her and say that the flooring needs replacing tomensure the safety of her grandchildren. Check with a local estate agent what the going rent would be in your area for your property, and say that you will pay that. If she accepts that, You undertake to replace the flooring, on the ground floor with basic, hardwearing flooring. Also say that you will write a letter for HMRC to confirm that the rent has been reduced, this way she can reduce her tax bill. If she isn’t declaring the income this may make her think twice. If she refuses, move. And report her to HMRC.

nellieellie · 15/02/2018 18:44

You are a tenant, written agreement or not. But the trouble is, as an assured shorthold periodic tenant, the landlord can give 2 months notice in correct form. If you remain, she will need to get a possession order and then enforce with bailiffs. It is a lengthy process but she can do it. You have no security. If you get a written contract for a fixed term, then you would be safe for the fixed term but generally this is only 6 months. Few landlords grant longer periods. The landlord has a duty to keep the structure and exterior of the house in repair and any installations for sanitation and heating in repair and proper working order. There is no legal duty to put in decent carpet. Mould is a tricky one. If it’s due to a leak or defective windows, then yes, needs to be sorted. If it’s just damp through condensation, then no, no duty. The problem that tenants face anyway is if they start asking a bad landlord to do repairs, s/he can generally just serve notice (unless there is a fixed term). If your MIL is asking above a market rent, then I assume if you left she would have difficulty getting another tenant? All I can think is you try to negotiate. Point out, with examples, that you are paying above and that it’s in her interests you stay. Give her a list of things you want done. I can appreciate with a St Bernard, you would find it v difficult to find somewhere, but they are not destructive dogs generally, nor barkers, so you may be able to find somewhere? I would definitely want to move if it were me.

milliemolliemou · 15/02/2018 18:48

OP just do some research as PPs have said. You are renting and do have rights - and also for the place to be liveable and safe. However your situation sounds seriously unhappy - you have kids with your landlady's son, you have a partner who does stuff in the house but isn't recompensed and your landlady is charging you over the odds without doing anything. I'd be talking to your partner about moving out. You're paying above average rent for the area in an unsafe property - just move somewhere cheaper or try for HA. You also love the St Bernard but try to rehome it - with your kids and baby and work is it getting enough exercise anyway? It's a huge dog for a landlord to okay.

Cuppaoftea · 15/02/2018 18:56

I also noted you said in your Op the original plan was for your ex to buy the house from his Mum. Maybe that's still the plan and he'll look to buy it and do the work after you've left? Really does seem they can't bring themselves to evict you because of the children but wouldn’t be unreasonable in thinking why on earth don't you and your partner rent your own place now.

Look in to what you need to do to be in a position to buy in the future in terms of deposit and income to be approved for the mortgage you'd need.

beluga425 · 15/02/2018 19:09

We'll you took the time to come on here and type a message so you're obviously not happy with how things are. It all sounds toxic. You need to work out your priorities. Some places are let friendly. You may need to pay more or they might ask for a bigger deposit. All of these things are open to discussion. You might present as a much better bet than a group of petless students.

beluga425 · 15/02/2018 19:10

Petfriendly

Dragongirl10 · 15/02/2018 19:19

OP you are wasting your and DPs hard earnt cash on a home you have no security on WHY? It will continue to be a stress.

Please look into getting a mortgage, unless you are in London, you will probably pay much less than on rent and you will have security, no worries about your dog, no flooring issue, control over repairs.

Contact London and Country mortgage brokers, it costs nothing to find out what sort of mortgage, how much you can potentially borrow etc, you would only pay if you take out a mortgage through them, Charcoal are another good mortgage broker.

If you can potentially spend 5K on flooring you can probably pull together a deposit fairly quickly.

Don't continue in this mess!