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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you lived your life again would you have kids?if yes, how many, same or less?

61 replies

Chicken1970 · 15/02/2018 11:52

My mum said to me recently if she could live her life again, she wouldn't have kids. My sis chipped in she would have kids if she lived her life again, but just the eldest. What's other peoples opinion? Would you have kids, if you lived your life again? If yes, how many, same or less? Space them out better, have them closer etc?

OP posts:
metalmum15 · 15/02/2018 11:53

I wouldn't do anything any different; I have 2 girls who are close in age and have always got on brilliantly, they're sisters and best friends.

metalmum15 · 15/02/2018 11:54

I also think that's a bit mean of your mum tbh. How did that make you feel?

Perendinate · 15/02/2018 11:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bringonspring · 15/02/2018 11:55

I have a boy and a girl 2 years apart and wouldn’t do it differently (well unless they could have been twins and me only pregnant once)

MyKingdomForBrie · 15/02/2018 11:55

Jesus. What a sad thing to feel and what an even sadder thing for you to hear!

Perendinate · 15/02/2018 11:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BrutusMcDogface · 15/02/2018 11:57

I can't BELIEVE she said that to you. I know some people might feel that way (not me!) but ffs, your own child is the last person you should admit it to! Flowers

We have three and have another on the way....ask me this time next year!! Grin

FabulouslyFab · 15/02/2018 11:57

I think I wouldn't marry the same man but then I wouldn't have my kids and I couldn't not have any of them!

wiltingfast · 15/02/2018 11:57

Definitely. If it had been possible, I would have liked to have had them a little younger (say 30ish) and had one more.

They are a lot of work/expensive etc etc blah blah blah but I just love having these new people in my life, even with all the complications.

My 2 are v close together (21m), that was VERY tough when they were u5s but is great now.

So I'd have

started earlier

possibly spread them out a little bit more

Have had a 3rd. (still wistful)

MrsGloop · 15/02/2018 12:00

I have three and started at age 31. If anything I’d have had one more, but I’d have started earlier. We met when I was 21 and dated for 7 years before getting married.,I wish we’d done it sooner.

Rightmovestalker · 15/02/2018 12:00

No, I wouldn't. I'd have more time, more money and I'd look less tired.

Lobsterquadrille2 · 15/02/2018 12:00

I wouldn't change my DD in any way at all, which means I'd still have to be deserted by her father and bring her up alone, I suppose. I'd have had another relationship while I was still in my twenties or thirties and had another DC, if I could do it again. Although then my relationship with my DD might be different so maybe I'd keep it the way it was and is.

Loopyloopy · 15/02/2018 12:00

Wish I had time for one more.

Prusik · 15/02/2018 12:01

Im hoping when I get there that I don't regret my boys. But they're both currently babies so who knows. I know I'd have saved harder before having them and would have tried to get my exams finished first but apart from that, no regrets so far.

juddyrockingcloggs · 15/02/2018 12:02

If we could live our lives again we'd still be infertile so more than likely just the one! However, if we could live it again and our infertility be repaired then I would have 3! Saying that, our little boy was made for us, I don't want anyone else I want him so now, no I wouldn't live my life again because I might not get him!

GinasGirl · 15/02/2018 12:03

I'd love more! We are very lucky after losing so many to have the ones we do have, but it was the plan to have more and we couldn't.

demirose87 · 15/02/2018 12:03

I have four and would still choose to have four, mine are 9, 4, 2 and 5 months. However I would not have left such a gap between the first two and I would have spread the younger two out a bit more as three so close in age are hard work. I wouldn't say I struggle exactly, but it can be very limiting to have so many young children in that age range.

trixymalixy · 15/02/2018 12:05

I'd do exactly the same as I have now, which is one DS and one DD.

Unless in my do over I become a multi millionaire in which case I'd have one or two more preferably one of each sex closeish in ages to my two. I think DD would have benefited from having a sister to play with and DS a brother.

Atticusss · 15/02/2018 12:20

I wouldn't have had my unplanned one at 20, I was in an abusive relationship and very naive. I would have has my unplanned one at 28, and the planned one at 30, and I probably would have had one more. I wouldn't dream of saying that to my eldest though. Having said that, its blindingly obvious my mum shouldn't have had her last two (in the youngest) and having us impacted her life greatly for the worse.

Stompythedinosaur · 15/02/2018 12:22

I would definitely have them, my dc are the best thing in my life.

I think your mum was mean to say that to you, definitely a thought for a friend if it needed to be expressed at all.

MoonlightKissed · 15/02/2018 12:30

I don't think it needs to be taken personally, a parent saying that they'd rather not have had kids.

My mum used to say that she'd not have had me if she could go back and understand what she was doing. Or if she'd known about abortion, she'd have had one. I don't take that personally - it's not me as a person she's rejecting, it's motherhood and the effects it had on her life. And I totally get it - she was only young, and the repercussions on her life were huge - she never said I ruined her life, but the reality is that having me did exactly that to her.

I love my own DD. She was very much wanted and planned. And I wouldn't change her for the world - she's amazing. And if you asked me to go back and choose between having her or not, the answer would always be to have her. But if you were to ask me to go back and choose between not having children, and having a generic child - not specifically my own daughter, then I start to wonder if I'd have chosen to have them, knowing what I know now. Having my DD made a huge change in my life - it triggered a lifelong condition, and has had huge effects on my health. I went from being in the prime of life before pregnancy, to being middle aged and edging towards way past my prime, really drastically, really fast.

IAmAMonster · 15/02/2018 12:31

I have 3 grown up children, and no, I wouldn't have children if I had my time again, but I would never tell them that. I love them to bits now they are here, but I so envy childless people, I really wish that I had thought about it properly before I had them how they change you and your life so much, and most of it not for the better.

Lasvegas · 15/02/2018 12:31

15 years after birth of Dd I wouldn’t change a thing. I always wanted one girl and I was lucky to realise my dream.

SureIusedtobetaller · 15/02/2018 12:35

My Mum said that too, qualified it with “not that I regret you...” I could see what she meant. She wasn’t naturally maternal. I knew she loved me but would have been happier without.
I think I’d have the same number but possibly a bit younger- early 20s. I definitely would still have children, mine are particularly fantastic (not biased Grin).

Birdsgottafly · 15/02/2018 12:37

I'd have more, younger. I had my last at 29. I've got three.