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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

If you lived your life again would you have kids?if yes, how many, same or less?

61 replies

Chicken1970 · 15/02/2018 11:52

My mum said to me recently if she could live her life again, she wouldn't have kids. My sis chipped in she would have kids if she lived her life again, but just the eldest. What's other peoples opinion? Would you have kids, if you lived your life again? If yes, how many, same or less? Space them out better, have them closer etc?

OP posts:

Strokethefurrywall · 15/02/2018 14:35

Yes, I would always have my boys, I don't regret them in the slightest.

I had my first at just shy of my 32nd birthday and the second I was 34 - if I had my time again, I'd have probably had them later though, just a few years - I would have had the first at 35, second at 37.

Bluntness100 · 15/02/2018 14:38

Ive one daughter, and given my time again I'd still just have one.

Original poster

Chicken1970 · 15/02/2018 14:42

Do feel sorry for my mum. She had my sister 5 years before me and didn't simply want another,she wasn't maternal.

OP posts:

Lonesurvivor · 15/02/2018 14:46

So if I had a choice whether or not to have kids knowing all I do now yes I would have them because I think with all the fore site I'd be a much better mother second time around than first. I'd have more patience, more forward planning and more maturity but still have youth on my side.

I have found the teen years the hardest stage but like everything it passes.

On a different level I do worry about this world my kids are born into. So many people are unhappy and struggling to cope with everything from careers to finance it seems to me that life is very hard and given the choice I'm not sure I'd have wanted to be born!

GrannyGrissle · 15/02/2018 14:55

More and i'd start breeding younger.

Minniemountain · 15/02/2018 14:59

I'd stick with 1. When is tricky- DH and I got together at 19, had DS age 34. We sometimes think how mind-boggling it is that we could have a teenager now. Maybe a few years earlier would have been better.

christmasmum · 15/02/2018 15:06

I think it's difficult to really know what your life would have been like without them. For example, I have made most of my friends through having similar aged children and to be honest I can't imagine what my husband and I would talk about without having them as a focal point! I think when you imagine a different life you only see the benefits - holidays, more money etc but you don't see the real story of that life.

Waffling on. But in short, I'd do nothing different but I reserve the right to fantasise about an idyllic lifestyle whenever parenting gets tough (daily...!).

FabulouslyFab · 15/02/2018 16:19

When me and my sister were young our Mum used to say she wished she'd had giraffes instead of children as they would be less trouble!
There was no doubt that she loved us lots though

lookingforthecorkscrew · 15/02/2018 16:35

This is a tricky one for me to answer. I have one DS who I adore, he's 3 and my pregnancy with him was very difficult - HG, anaemia, difficult birth.

I suddenly felt a very strong yearning for a second child about a year ago, despite knowing that it'd almost certainly be just as grim. So now I'm 23 weeks with DD and it's WORSE. HG so bad I feel like I've been poisoned, PGP, scary and severe bleeds. A very bouncy three year old to care for. I feel foolish for thinking I could do this all over again. And I regret this vile effing pregnancy every damn day.

If I knew how hard it'd be I'd never have let myself get pregnant.

BUT I know that once DD is here I'll think back on these feelings with absolute horror. And never regret HER, just the circumstances under which she grew.

Def getting a mirena fitted ASAP after this one comes out in June!

Elvisola · 15/02/2018 16:40

I wouldn't change anything I already have. Same husband, same kids, age gap, same age when I started (31).

The only thing I would change is to possibly have had a third. I regret not going for it at the time but not keen to do it now due to my age and the age gap with youngest (8yrs).

ShastaBeast · 15/02/2018 17:23

I’d have waited a couple of years and just had one, eldest has SEN which adds to the stress. Although none might have been a good idea as I’m not a natural and am struggling. I stayed home in the early years and I don’t know how I survived. Now back at work and have a much better balance. Being at work is a thousand times easier than being home, I enjoy work and have more control over my life there. Can you tell I’m home over half term?

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