To think I’ve really fucked up - not sure what to do

[frostedstrawberries]

After a long period of temporary work and sometimes not getting any work for periods of time, I finally got something permanent in January.

I’ve got a big backlog of debt, though, of things that I hadn’t paid for a while because I couldn’t when I wasn’t working.

So now my take home pay is £2050 after tax NI etc.

But my outgoings are:

Mortgage - £800
Electricity - £200 (it’s so high because I’m repaying a backlog)
Council tax - £100 (I owe money on that too)
Car insurance - £70
Mobile phone - £40
Internet - £40
Petrol costs are sky high due to long commute - £300

So in theory I have about £600 left to play with. But it just vanishes. I have pets eating me out of house and home and I have wondered about possibly finding alternatives for them but I just couldn’t. Every day I have phone calls about debts I didn’t even know I had springing up seemingly out of nowhere. I am well aware I am a complete disorganised mess with it all.

I really, really don’t want to go down the route of a DMP - what are the alternatives? I naively thought all would be OK once I started working, but it’s not.

Register on experian!
It's free for life and let's you see your credit file. You can then see who you have a accounts with and roughly how much you. Plus they have all the contact information at the bottom of your report page.
That would help you see everything in your name.
Make sure you recognise it all and there's nothing in there you don't know.

Wheb you register it will ask you for your card details, that's just to make sure your details match the cardholder info

If you owe on your mortgage then you seriously need to get on top of that with an agreed payment plan with the mortgage company. They won't be fobbed off for long before they want your house. A debt charity might well have more sway with them and they will be able to help with your budgeting too.

Frosted, you have been given in my opinion some really sound, kind, and constructive advice from many many posters.

Why are you not taking it? There is no magic solution. You HAVE to work out your debts - with or without the help of any one else - if you are ever to now what your debts are. Without knowing that, any planning and management is likely to be pointless. And you won't ever lose that sick, apprehensive, panicking feeling.

What is stopping you taking the advice? (genuine question not sarcastic)

What advice am I not taking, apart from the lodger, sorry?

But that debt totals £3000. That's not huge. It's doable. You just need to make the first baby steps to sort it out. Of course you are feeling panicky but hiding your head in the sand isn't going to help you. We are trying to help but you keep coming up with reasons why you can't do anything. You can do things. Ok step change didn't seem any good but they have helped people on here. Go back and try again. Answer that phone call. Be proactive despite the panicky feelings. These will probably subside when you actually face up to things.

Congratulations on getting your job, you must be so relieved.

Presumably your electricity debt is being dealt with by your large payment.
Your mortgage should be renegotiable if you speak to them.
Overdraft is not pressing if you can keep the charges down.
The council are always desperately trying to recoup council tax, they are likely to be very amenable to a manageable repayment plan.
Longer term is it worth changing your car to something more fuel efficient?
Or, now that you are in a job, finding something closer to home?

How large are your other debts? How much do you owe your brother? Maybe start paying him something back to show that you're not taking the piss.

This is all really doable for you; you just need to make some phone calls and face it. Is there anyone who could hold your hand and help you? Your brother or a good friend.

I have been in a similar situation-
Call payplan, they are a free charity service and are very helpful.
They will help you to write a proper budget and will deal with all your creditors so you will see exactly what you owe and what money you have left.
It sounds like you don't have much cc debt, which is good. Just pay them the bare minimum for now and don't spend any more on them!
Council tax - they can and will take you to court so agree how much you can pay with them and stick to it.
Mortgage: Phone them and agree an amount and stick to it, don't risk the roof over your head!
Electric: phone them and grovel- again if you have to. Look at your usage, can you get that down? Water heating only when needed, lights off, heating only the rooms you use, draft strips along doors/windows that sort of thing.
Phone and internet seem high- there are better deals out there, get looking.
Car- little things can reduce fuel costs, like having the correct tyre pressure and really shopping around for the cheapest fuel and insurance.
Pets: ok, I wouldn't regime mine either! But if all you can afford is cheapomog cat food, that is what they will have to have!

If you have £600 a month left to live on, you should be able to do it. The state pension for a single person is £150 per week, to cover everything.

Good luck!

No, no one. I suppose that’s why I was asking on here really. Thank you.

Do one of the credit reports advised. Find every debt.

OP, please go to Moneysaving Expert. There’s an excellent section for debt management and loads of people in your situation, or much worse.

You need to have your “lightbulb moment” and the forum users will help you in a non-judgy, practical way, and will help keep you on the straight and narrow.

I used to go there for inspiration and encouragement while paying off exH’s cc debts... It was well within my means, fortunately, but I got it done quickly with their help.

The problem seems to be that you keep rejecting every solution offered. You didn't like Stepchange, fine; go to CAP. You've been told that you don't necessarily need to know what all your debts to do that. In any event, these debts can't keep appearing out of nowhere; either those phone calls you're resisting relate to something you bought or borrowed, or they're a scam, but unless it's a scam you will have had post relating to whatever it is and can find out.

People have suggested ebaying clutter - can you do that? You could put your phone onto a cheaper tariff. And if the pets are taking up almost a quarter of your disposable income, they're a luxury you can't afford and need to be rehomed.

Don't ignore it, it won't go away. It's horrible, but go through all you post, make a list of everything and phone payplan.
Once you have done that, and set up payment plans you will know exactly what you have left to spend.

Sorry I meant to explain the lightbulb moment. It’s about seeing clearly what the situation is so you can grapple with it. It’s scary and daunting but you can do it. And it will feel brilliant when you do.

Good luck OP 💐

Also, if you use a debt charity, they might be able to help you access charities supplying cheap/free electrical items etc for your house. I know in our city we have these but they are only accessible if you're referred to them. They might be able to help with the oven. Failing that, a slow cooker is good for bulk cooking and ideal if you have a long commute at the end of the day. Might be worth the investment if it would bring down your grocery bill.

How can you have a mortgage but no home insurance?

Sorry but you can’t afford NOT to have pet insurance. What happens if one of them needed an operation at 5k +?

If you don’t have the funds for that and can’t afford pet insurance then you shouldn’t have pets....... I’m not saying that to be mean (I’m an animal lover myself), it’s the truth - it’s simply not fair on the animal.

£600 is a decent amount to live on after bills, you just need to budget properly, which I presume you’re not doing if you say it “just vanishes”?

Can you take in a lodger?

Pay a visit to money saving expert forums and the debt free wannabe page, they’re great.

Dude - I'm here to say it will all be okay. It really will. So much of what is wrong at the moment is happening inside your head, and I'm not saying that it's imaginary, just that debt and chaos and poverty are all stressful and scramble your head until you are trapped in a kind of rabbit in the headlights fight or flight mode. It's really hard.

The ONLY way you are going to get past this is to concentrate on one thing at a time. Everything is crowding in and getting on top of you, and you must feel hopeless and bleak. I completely understand that. I know it seems almost impossible when you are drowning in things you need to do, but you need to try and calmly consider one item at a time until you are out the other side of this time. It WILL get easier, but it won't happen overnight. Within 6 months or so you will be able to see the wood for the trees.

It's great you have identified how much you spend on pet food. That doesn't seem a huge amount to me, I know what fussy pets are like! Someone suggested upthread you should budget the same again for your own food shops etc. I personally think that's a bit low. I would set aside around £45 per week for your own food and toiletries.

As you have pointed out, some things you are locked into for now. So while there are good and positive ways you can save money down the line, for example when your phone or broadband comes up for renewal and you are no longer in contract (and can haggle, shop around etc) that isn't necessarily something you can tackle now. So put that out of your mind and focus on things you can control, which is the £600 a month you are left with.

I think it may be there are a few other smallish bills (someone mentioned telly license) that you have't included in your monthly outgoings. Figure out what those are and pop them in the top column with the other things you have worked out. Then you can be more certain what you are working with for the 'what's left' amount. Then draw up a simple budget, per week ideally. I do mine in a text file on my computer, you can use a notebook or a spreadsheet or whatever works for you.
Decide what is reasonable for pet supplies and your food and stick to it religiously. Put away what you save into a savings account separate from your main bank if you can set one up online, I have a savings account which I set up online in a few moments when logged in to my internet banking and it helps to partition off money I have set aside so I don't accidentally spend it on other stuff. Each month you can decide what to do with that money. Maybe pay off some overdraft if they are getting shirty. Maybe then pay to get the shower fixed, because that will increase your self esteem, and be one step towards getting a lodger in the future when you are more sorted with the house.

It does feel chaotic right now, it is hard, but this is just one small time in your life and it will get easier and all will be sorted in the end. You sound very very stressed and depressed and I just want to give you a hug. Good luck, OP.

frosted Tunis was an autocorrect on my bloody phone. Should say '. 'this'. Apologies. £30 for pet food is quite a lot. Whiskas v Aldi isn't your only option . Many supermarkets do own brand. And tbh cats will eat when they are hungry enough even if not their favourite ( I have 3 cats) . Try using dry food too. Ask for samples from manufacturers?

If your credit rating is already trashed you have no logical reason to not go on a DMP.
I am on one with Stepchange, they are brilliant, my debts were huge we are talking £60,000 + not including my mortgage!!!
I am in a well paid job, but one that meant bankruptcy wasn't an option for me. A DMP is a voluntary arrangement so doesn't need disclosure to employers etc.
Utility bills and mortgage take priority for payment each month and your non secured debt will be paid back at an affordable agreed rate, all negotiated by Stepchange.
If you really want to get out of this spiral of misery admit and own the problem and seek help
Good luck, it won't be easy but getting help will be life changing😊
A very unmumsnetty hug from one who has been there x

You have done really really really well to get this far and get a job OP

The next step is a bit easier which is to create and excel spreadsheet and look at every single loan and outgoing a weekly review each one to see

• can I pay this back slower
• can I reduce this - shop around

So for the car - could you use public transport for a while to cut costs or work from home a couple of days ?
Is your internet the cheapest out there / no !
Where is the cheapest local garage to use
Where are you frittering money - what’s the most expensive item you buy

If you do this and tighten your belt for a 12 month period you CAN get on top of this

For example My internet and landline is a combined 23 .

It’s scary to start with but there will be bills you can reduce and there will be (sadly) luxuries to cut till you are on top of thing

Also when the budget is done take the budget in cash and spend NO more than that

Again well done you don’t maybe realise how far you have come !

How many cats have you got????
£20 - 30 is shit loads of food!

I buy my pet food from zooplus and they deliver it online. It costs me about £10-15 a month to feed my cat from there, that’s 2-3 sachets of whiskas or felix plus a bowl of dry food a day.

It's worth paying £2 for a full credit report, which will tell you what everything is for. Companies sell debt on to collection agencies, and it all gets very confusing. You could have more than one company chasing you for one debt. Remember that if any of these debts are more than 6 years old, and providing that you have not paid anything towards them or admitted that you owe the money, they are no longer enforceable.

Work out which are your priority debts: council tax and electricity would seem to be the 2 most important of the ones you've mentioned, anything that is consumer credit is NOT a priority. Concentrate on those, especially as clearing them will leave you with more disposable income.

In the longer term, there are only 2 things you can do: spend less or increase your income.

Cut back on everything you can, and when contracts are up for renewal, do price comparisons and go for the cheapest you can find. Could you take a mortgage holiday for a month or two, and use the money saved to pay off the electric debt or the council tax? And check that you're not on a variable rate for your mortgage. Can you get a more economical car? Collect vouchers, use your loyalty card points, eat like a pauper (you could even try Jack Monroe's eat for threepence a day recipes). Unless you're under 25 or have only recently passed your test, your car insurance seems high. Get a cheaper deal when it's due for renewal.

To cut back, you really need to know where it goes, so work out exactly what your money is spent on, down to the last Mars bar. Then cut out anything that isn't essential, or find cheaper alternatives. Pet food: if any of your pets are dogs, put them on a working dog food which will be vat free and won't do them any harm at all. Shop at Aldi/Lidl, cancel any gym membership, subscriptions etc. Go back through at least a year's bank statements in case there are any you've forgotten.

Sell anything half decent that you don't wear or use (my mate made £220 in a morning selling at a boot sale last summer). Consider getting a lodger if you have a spare room, a second job or doing overtime if it's available. If you've had spells when you weren't working, might you be due a tax refund?

Money Saving Expert is a brilliant source of tips and advice, and definitely contact one of the debt charities when you know exactly what your debts are.

Overall, your financial position isn't too bad. £500 a month after paying your bills should be more than enough to keep you fed, clothed and treat yourself occasionally. DP and I live on about that much, and we run 3 vehicles between us.

Oh, and look into the possibility of you having paid PPI for something over the years. Even a small PPI refund would make a difference.

You will be able to get through this, and once you've done it, you'll probably develop a much better attitude to money/credit.

Another practical suggestion I have is liftshare . When my DH had a long drive to work he registered with it and found someone who wanted a lift each day at about the same times and that person gave a donation towards the costs. It all helps. You may find someone in similar situation. It would help with petrol. Your shower doesn't work. Do you know what's wrong? Would spending £50 on a plumber so you can get a lodger be a good investment? The oven doesn't really matter that much ( do you have a microwave, does the job work?). And when you get a bit of cash coming in you can get it repaired. I do think focusing on something like getting a lodger may help. Sorry stepcahnge weren't helpful but you need help from a human to do this. We are all trying to help but it's not as good as the help from a debt adviser

Back to the lodger

They would have to pay a months rent up front which should be enough for an oven and shower fix - just a thought

I’m really not trying to just block advice, but no one comes even remotely near me. My commute is more or less all motorway. By the time I got close to where some people live, I’m practically there, if you see what I mean. Sorry - I’m not trying to be awkward.