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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Right to stay in property until child is 18

99 replies

Lndnmummy · 12/02/2018 16:40

Does this right still exist? For info I have child who is 6 and pregnant with our second. Been with oh 15 years and sadly relationship has broken down and there is no going back.

Never ever a position that I thought I’d find myself in but yet here we are. I have done a Cms calculation and with their minimum payment and my earnings I can afford mortgage. There will be no maternity leave to speak of sadly as I will need my income but I can do this. I am just concerned about the living situation. Renting would be hard to afford.

OP posts:

LakieLady · 13/02/2018 08:19

So sorry you're having to go through this, OP.

I'm also wondering if his appalling behaviour could amount to coercive control.

specialsubject · 13/02/2018 08:32

Good god. Get out even if it means living in a cave. But it won't.

Abuse doesn't always use fists. What a loser.

Motherbear26 · 13/02/2018 08:40

No advice but I had to stop and comment. I’m sorry you are going through this but I just wanted to tell you how impressed I am at your strength and resolve. He has tried his best to break you and he hasn’t managed it. You are a strong, capable woman and you will get through this. It will be hard but you and your dc will be better for leaving. Good luck.

blazeback · 13/02/2018 08:58

I got housed in a London borough when leaving an abusive relationship last year...it does happen. Had to go via a temp B&B and women's refuge, and needed a lot of badgering from my social worker and psychiatrist and advice worker. I was homeless and pregnant too and had no job. OP will have better options though if she has a decent income and can rent privately.

HelloBrass · 13/02/2018 09:29

You can make an application under Schedule 1 of the Children Act to remain in the house until your children are 18. Might be worth discussing this when you get legal advice - it's a really good idea to speak to a solicitor to explore all your options.

Original poster

Lndnmummy · 13/02/2018 11:12

Whatshallidonowpeople,

Pls don’t use my thread as a reason why you should get married first shout out.

Everyone’s situation is different and you have no idea about the reasons as to why we have not married -yet.

I did not post to ask about input on this, nor did I post to justify why I tried on clothes etc.
I work full time and study on the side. I have a sick father in another country. I am 20 weeks pregnant and also care pretty much on my own for my other child. I have had abit of an awakening with regards to the situation I’m in and I’m looking for a sustainable way out of that situation. That’s all.

OP posts:

Tablesturned · 13/02/2018 11:15

Good point op. Everyone’s circumstances are different. I am divorced and I think I would be better off now if we had not married ie financially and emotionally.

falsepriest · 13/02/2018 11:17

For info I have child who is 6 and pregnant

Original poster

Lndnmummy · 13/02/2018 11:17

Thanks hellobrass, I have prepared well for the meeting today so that I can ask specific questions. At the moment I have to ensure that a) I have the means to support myself and soon to be two children. This means that I need to find a new deposit etc whilst pretty much on no income as I’m on mat leave. I have already amended my intention to reduce my mat leave from 12 months to 4 months with my employer this morning.

I have to focus on surviving this financially and supporting my son emotionally. I can not afford to fall apart anymore than I already have. I have no support and at first sign of mental instability my oh would be there like a shot and use if against me with regards to our children. I’m acutely aware of this and that can not happen. Under no circumstances can that happen. I probably come across as cold and robotic. Because I need to be right now.

OP posts:

Gemini69 · 13/02/2018 11:19

Good Luck with the Legal advise today

TruJay · 13/02/2018 11:28

I have terminated another pregnancy for him 10 years ago and I’m not doing it again. I’m 40 now. We planned this baby together but I start questioning myself. He bought me size 8 clothes yesterday and asked me to strip down naked to see how far I was off what I used to be. I have never felt so humiliated in my life. I stood there naked, unshaven with my swollen belly and breasts trying to get these skinny jeans over my knees.

He smirked and said “see, told you”.

Oh my god! Op I am so sorry, what a fucking horrible thing to do to someone.

I hope you get the advice you need today and can leave very very soon

DanielCraigsUnderpants · 13/02/2018 11:29

Actually OP, you are coming across as a strong, sensible capable woman

Finola1step · 13/02/2018 11:58

Good luck. The situation with the clothes was really awful. He has shown his true colours once and for all. I'm rooting for you.

Finola1step · 13/02/2018 12:03

I forgot to add something. That situation with the clothes...there is one very important thing you could say to yourself. How that was the very last time he will ever see you without clothes. That he will never see you in a vulnerable position ever again. He does not have the right to be with you when you are in labour. When you are breastfeeding etc.

But these are situations that you decide. It doesn't matter what any of us say. You have complete control over your body.

Loyaultemelie · 13/02/2018 12:04

Good luck op what he did to you with the clothes is disgusting but you are doing the right thing

specialsubject · 13/02/2018 12:52

a way forward - there is light. Good for you OP.

(and yes, they aren't married so that is a pointless comment!)

5plusMeAndHim · 13/02/2018 16:58

I don't know if leaving the house is a good idea. You will be stuck pregnant, with no income and no house ., stressed out and skin.while he will be sitting pretty in the family home doing everything he can to block teh sale.

cestlavielife · 13/02/2018 17:41

5plus unless he willingly leaves or is violent enough to be removed then using savings for rent may be a pragmatic way to get out.

All very well to say what should happen but as u say men lije this don't play ball
Op risks her well being by staying
They both have equal right to the property

cestlavielife · 13/02/2018 17:42

It will take legal means for sure

Viviennemary · 13/02/2018 17:47

I think not being married will affect this. Because if you were married the house would be the marital home. It's more likely the house will need to be sold and the equity shared if you can't come to an agreement of how much you'd pay him for his share.

LizzieSiddal · 13/02/2018 17:57

Actually OP, you are coming across as a strong, sensible capable woman

I agree with this. You have a good plan and I hope things get sorted for you quickly.

cheminotte · 13/02/2018 18:38

Hope your legal advice today was useful.
As you are not married I would consider your options when registering the birth of your child, eg do you want him named on birth certificate? Do you want him to have parental rights over the child? Presumably he already does for your eldest but it may be easier if he doesn't for your new baby.

bedtimestories · 13/02/2018 18:49

I think your very courageous for getting out of this relationship, I wish you all the best for your future

strawberryblondebint · 13/02/2018 21:47

Op I just wanted to say I think you are amazing. Totally and utterly amazing. I really feel for you but I'm super impressed with your clarity and thinking ahead.
I wish I could help with more than words.

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