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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask if you actually enjoy family meal times?

103 replies

LittleLionMansMummy · 11/02/2018 18:17

Every bloody Sunday it's the same.

7yo ds slouches, picks and can't wait to leave the table (whatever is cooked), dh nags him about slouching, picking and not sitting still, 14mo dd whinges or cries or screams her way through or slings her cutlery around.

It's all got too much this evening with them all niggling at each other constantly. I've thrown my toys out the pram just now and told them I'm not doing it any more (by which I mean sitting down to eat as a family, not cooking). It's so stressful. I'm sure other families manage it, but I hate family meal times and can't be bothered any more.

OP posts:

JustMarriedAndLovingIt · 12/02/2018 11:20

Nope. My son (15) sits there with a grump on and refuses to talks DSS (7) makes it all about him and it’s such a faff to get him to eat anything that he has a separate meal which often he declares he ‘hates’ even when it was his favourite before. DSD (14) takes ages and winds up DSS but is probably the ‘best’ of the three 😡😡 I prefer being snuggled up on the sofa with DH eating dinner!

TheDailyMailIsADisgustingRag · 12/02/2018 11:22

I do, but my eldest is only 3yo and the baby is 3 weeks. Dc1 definitely eats more when we go out though. Think it’s dh’s and my cooking .

RhinestoneCowgirl · 12/02/2018 11:22

Agree with others, when DC were little it was pretty torturous, but now they're older I like it (aged 9 and 11).

DH gets home and we eat around 6.30pm and talk about our day, have a laugh, it's nice.

WhooooAmI24601 · 12/02/2018 11:24

Dcs are 12 and 7 so yes, mealtimes are mostly enjoyable because they're past the spitty, messy, mardy "I can't eat that or I'll diiiiiieeee" stages.

Until a couple of years ago I treated mealtimes like a General treats a wartime battle; hard hats, shouty voices and perpetual explosions. It did none of us any good and the littlest one would still pick at his food and dick about refusing to eat it so I gave up and told him he could do as he pleased. Once he realised I didn't give a fuck he stopped being a bellend and just got on with it. I wish I'd known earlier that the secret to dealing with fussy eaters is to not deal with them.

IMissGin · 12/02/2018 11:30

I font mind it at all but I’ve always been quite strict around 6yo helping to set table, no toys, table manners, asks to leave when finished, no getting up to wander around. Now we have nearly 1yo DS he’s quite entertaining to watch, despite the mess. I hate the dishes though, we eat out a lot too.

scrivette · 12/02/2018 11:42

Wow can't believe how many people don't enjoy it, I thought I was the only one!

Now we only do it once a week at my parents and it's hell on earth.

Idontdowindows · 12/02/2018 11:49

Not until they're old enough to hold some sort of conversation and have attention spans of more than about 7 minutes ;)

Nah, let it go when they're younger, family meals can be way too stressful at those ages.

MERLYPUSSEDOFF · 12/02/2018 11:55

Generally ok with it.

My 2 have always had their main meal with us even if, when they were young, we would just sit with a cuppa at the kitchen table with them. They are not allowed to get down from the table unless they are putting the may away, stacking the DW etc.

HOWEVER..... Oh is over picky about the sit up straight, smaller bites, stop wriggling crap that grinds my gears. DT2 even has coordination problems (wont use his special cutlery though) but he still bang on about it.

splendide · 12/02/2018 12:22

Yes I love them - it's the only bit of having children that seems to be going well for me!

We've only got one but he's great at trying things and actually pretty good company. He's 3.

No comment on sleeping/ potty training/ anything else!

Stompythedinosaur · 12/02/2018 12:29

I do (although we don't eat together every meal due to shiftwork). We have dds age 5 and 6. I try not to stress if they don't eat.

We have some regular topics of conversation (e.g. what was everyone's favourite thing today/this week) so everyone gets a turn to talk, we also play games (guess the animal I'm thinking of, or one-word story or whatever).

We started doing this when I discovered that the dc will eat when distracted but sit and whinge about food if bored.

SluttyButty · 12/02/2018 12:30

Hate them here, only do it when we’ve got family round. DC eat earlier than us because dh gets in late is from work. I like my peace at the weekend and if that means no jolly family meal times then so be it. Much calmer since I abandoned the perfect family ideal of eating together

bertiesgal · 12/02/2018 12:33

DD age 7 loses temper with DS age 4. DTs don't eat anything/throw food/dirty their nappies.

Every time DH or I open our mouths the babies screech so no one ever has a conversation.

I make stuff from scratch and nobody eats it which is sooo demoralising and I secretly wonder whether I should save myself the hassle and just fling chicken nuggets at them every night.

I'm enduring this now so that one day we can all sit and share our day but right now that just feels like a pipe dream.

Tonight is our Valentine night as I'm working Wednesday so adult only dinner with wine and no screeching! .

FlurkenSchnit · 12/02/2018 12:41

I truly hate mealtimes and I don't see that improving anytime soon unfortunately. I have 4 DC ranging from 12 to 2 and it is only relatively recently that the 12yo eats consistently and properly (was incredibly fussy with small selection of liked foods). The 2yo eats as well as can be expected for a toddler but it is the middle 2 at 7yo and 6yo that are the main problem - they constantly whine about the food, don't use cutlery properly, try to leave the table and wind each other and everyone else up. In all honesty, it's not just mealtimes that they ruin, it's every other aspect of family life too, the school run/bedtime/bath time.... I can only hope that they improve with age!

fatov · 12/02/2018 12:42

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Sladurche · 12/02/2018 12:45

We've always eaten together and kids are banned from eating anywhere except the kitchen table or breakfast bar. We've done it since they were babies, so I suppose they just find it normal to sit and eat at the table. Or maybe it's just my kids. I'm not super strict, though. They get off the table when they are finished and I don't make them eat if they don't like it. But there is no other choice of dinner and they know it. So it's eat or go hungry. The only rules are:
Eat with knife and fork
At least try the food before declaring you don't like it
No proper meal=no dessert or snacks
Wash hands before and after dinner
Use your napkin to wipe hands and face, not clothes

My great-aunt says my kids are rude because they don't wait until everyone is finished, cover everything in ketchup, say that they don't like things, don't finish their meal and don't ask before leaving the table, but I just think that's old-fashioned and a bit too much tbh.

Ski4130 · 12/02/2018 12:54

I like it, but we're though the toddler/pre schooler years (Dcs are 13, 10 and 7) so it's way more relaxing and enjoyable than it once was. We eat out together a bit as well, and it's nice now there's no peas being smeared into floors, or trying to find something, anything, that the youngest will eat.

I'm not smug about it though, I've paid my dues with way more mealtimes that have brought me to tears than I care to remember! It's an age thing, they get easier and it's nice to catch up and have conversations with them all now I'm not flinging food at one, whilst chopping up another's foods and explaining to another why it's not yuk and would they please just bloody eat it.

happymummy12345 · 12/02/2018 12:55

Mealtimes are good in our house usually. Dh often works til late and gets home at gone 11, so it's usually just myself and ds (2.5).
He's only ever sat at the table to eat, he uses his cutlery himself and died it well, and is happy to sit and eat.
When dh has a day off and we sit as a family it's better because we don't get to often. I love mealtimes when dh is home.

hungryhippo90 · 12/02/2018 12:59

Ah I remember these days!

Now DD is 10, it’s different but we only have one. I was going to say YABU but i remembervyhe hell that was eating with a younger child!

CointreauVersial · 12/02/2018 13:21

Yes.

Mine are 18, 16 and 14 and it is non-negotiable in our house, and has been that way since they were toddlers. We have always sat down for meals and eaten together. I think it's the glue that holds our family together - considering they spend most of their time locked away in their rooms, working, gaming, with friends etc.

Obviously there are times when one/all of them are in a bad mood, or grumbling about the food, but most of the time it's lovely to see the family dynamic.

GrumpyMummy123 · 12/02/2018 15:20

We rarely all sit down together for a family meal. We just have DS 4, so it's not like we have a nice family chat and bonding over dinner. DS takes about a century to eat his food whereas DH takes about 30 seconds. Plus DS doesn't really like roast dinners.

We do eat lunch (sandwiches, salad etc) together at the table weekend, but it's very relaxed. Also if we have pizza we'll eat that together as everyone eats it!

It's much nicer all round if DS eats his tea I'm the kitchen early, while I have a cuppa or cook our dinner. Then DH and I eat dinner together at the table when DS is in bed. It's the chance we have of having a grown up conversation. To us much more important than a grumpy family meal.

We do go out for dinner as a family every couple of weeks or so and DS manages to behave and sit still, so there's no need to 'practice' at home as well!

DavetheCat2001 · 12/02/2018 15:27

I hate mealtimes.

Selfish swine that I am, I like cooking/being cooked a nice meal, sitting down with OH in peace, chatting or listening to the radio/watching something on tv, having a few glasses of wine, not being asked every 5 seconds for ketchup/water/to go for a poo etc

What I DON'T like is:

The noise: screeching/whining/arguing/singing in loud and flat tones/the endless poo/wee/farts hilarity that 4 and 7 year olds seem to thrive on.
The mess: cups getting knocked over, food on laps/floor/chairs.
The fussiness of what will/won't be eaten: DS only wants to eat pizza, fish fingers and sausages at the moment. DD doesn't particularly like any of those so often have to make 2 separate things
Getting up and down from the table constantly/not sitting properly on chairs/eating with fingers rather than fork/spoon

etc etc....

I'm sure one day I will relish sitting round the table sharing stories/laughs etc with my children, but at this age I'd rather gnaw off my own arm.

So glad it's not just me...

operaha · 12/02/2018 15:33

I love eating with my children. They are 20, 18 and 12 (20 year old doesn't live with us) they are loud and crazy and funny and interesting.

I hate eating with my 2xsd 14 and 16. They don't speak, don't like anything I cook and are vocally rude about what is dished up. Then the 14 year old tantrums if asked to load the dishwasher.

They live with us, but its becoming a real issue.

I refuse to cook pizza and nuggets for regular meals - they refuse to eat homemade anything.

It's horrible. They picked their way through the roast yesterday.
But mostly I like to eat in the evenings in front of tv without kids, I like to relax this way.

mixmail · 12/02/2018 15:39

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crackerjacket · 12/02/2018 15:45

I agree its overrated really.

SweetMoon · 12/02/2018 15:51

I'm the same as Sladurche except mine don't leave the table until everyone has finished.
Never had any issues and can happily take them all out to a restaurant with zero stress. (I have 5 dc)

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