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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you actually enjoy family meal times?

103 replies

LittleLionMansMummy · 11/02/2018 18:17

Every bloody Sunday it's the same.

7yo ds slouches, picks and can't wait to leave the table (whatever is cooked), dh nags him about slouching, picking and not sitting still, 14mo dd whinges or cries or screams her way through or slings her cutlery around.

It's all got too much this evening with them all niggling at each other constantly. I've thrown my toys out the pram just now and told them I'm not doing it any more (by which I mean sitting down to eat as a family, not cooking). It's so stressful. I'm sure other families manage it, but I hate family meal times and can't be bothered any more.

OP posts:
kaytee87 · 11/02/2018 19:37

Haven't really thought about it, it's a means to an end, only takes half an hour.

IHaveACuntingPlan · 11/02/2018 19:38

I don't mind the family meals but it's not something we do every day and when we do I don't make it into a battle. Yes they must use their cutlery and eat with their mouths closed but if they slouch or talk or whatever it's not a major problem. I don't spend the whole meal just picking at them because that will only ever result in a miserable experience for all of us. Today we had fajitas and they enjoyed helping themselves to all the bits and putting them together. They do eat well though and aren't afraid to try new things and that helps - spending time & energy cooking a meal for someone to whinge the whole way through is never fun.

QuiteCleanBandit · 11/02/2018 19:39

Love a big roast and like gilly
I have always insisted on table manners right from the start.
Not a chance mine would get up half way through a meal and any whining they would be removed.
Poor table manners are a awful in adults-parents have a responsibility to teach them

Taffeta · 11/02/2018 19:40

We eat together every evening - and lunch and supper at the weekend. Love it.

But DC are 11 & 14. It was stressy when they were under 9.

Wakeuptortoise · 11/02/2018 19:40

They are usually alright. We eat at the table every meal because 3yo and 22more are too small not to. Dh is getting a bit irritating banging on about table manners and eating nicely to ds1. Ds1 is now refusing to eat (is not fussed about meals, prefers to snack on junk). I would prefer him to eat rather than display manners fit for visiting royalty. Angry
Ds2 just chomps away on his own but is now starting to play up because of the tension at the table.
Ooh, you've got me going now. Dh is constantly barking instructions at ds1 and is now thinking he needs harsher 'discipline' because he's playing up. It's driving a wedge between them and Ds2 cos baby gets away with the same stuff ds1 gets harangued over. I need my own thread. AngrySad

whatareyoueatingNOW · 11/02/2018 19:42

I enjoy mealtimes together. (A huge amount of work went into this though) but hate "family" days out- where expectations rarely meet reality, travel time is terse and tedious, you get there and queues are ridiculous, dc always end up hungry but the cost of food extortionate, if youve taken a picnic you might not be able to eat it at venue or if you can it's soggy, warm and in a corner with broken benches and a swarm of eager wasps await you there. The actual fun is shadowed by the 4 out of 7 hours doing all that ^ shit.

bringonyourwreckingball · 11/02/2018 19:43

Mine are 9 and 12, I bloody love meal times at the weekend, we all eat together and it’s ace. During the week we don’t get to because DH works long hours. My kids eat almost anything now but i won’t deny there were long years when it was hard work. It was worth it though

youngnomore · 11/02/2018 19:45

On good days. We all sit together and chat about everyone and everything. But some days it’s just not fun at all. It’s six of us so it’s really loud when things get stressful.

Believeitornot · 11/02/2018 19:45

I would enjoy them if dh didn’t huff and sigh so loudly when the dcs don’t want the food, and he makes little comments like “what’s the point” etc, in earshot of the dcs.

The dcs are 8&6 and the eldest has terrible table manners but is improving.

Original poster
LittleLionMansMummy · 11/02/2018 19:48

I think it had just got to the stage with ds when we were enjoying mealtimes with him (finally, after 5 or 6 years) and then dd came along. I've calmed down a bit now and realise they're really good when we eat out together, on the whole. And we all really enjoy summertime meals in the garden - BBQs and more relaxed food etc. It just seems the Sunday family dinners haven't been at all enjoyable for several months now. I agree that table manners are important, but the nagging is endless and joyless and I long for the day we can all sit through a meal, converse, relax and enjoy. I swear it was never this hard for my parents with 3 of us.

OP posts:
NeilPetark · 11/02/2018 19:51

We always sit up at the table and eat. But I wish the DC would use their cutlery more and stop getting up! I do like that we all sit together though.

Lules · 11/02/2018 19:51

One of the questions on the stupid 2 year development review was whether you enjoy mealtimes. Pointing out that mealtimes with a toddler and a very young baby were not the most relaxing got me a patronising spiel about their importance from the HV. Twat. I don’t mind going out to eat though.

QuiteCleanBandit · 11/02/2018 19:54

If they dont behave they get one warning and then they are removed.
No nagging.

Original poster
LittleLionMansMummy · 11/02/2018 19:57

The trouble with that Quite is that ds would be perfectly happy to be removed, that's what he wants. I refuse to do that as he'd just play up all the more so he doesn't have to sit still and eat.

OP posts:
QuiteCleanBandit · 11/02/2018 19:58

If he has to be removed then he loses tv for the week/whatever else he values.

AntArcticFox · 11/02/2018 20:00

Not when they were 7 no.
Unless it was a bigger extended family affair.

gillybeanz · 11/02/2018 20:00

OP, you'll love family meals as your dc grow up.
I can't tell you the conversations we've had, the laugh or joke, the closeness.
I believe it helps to keep relationships on track and certainly encourages conversation between the family.
The kids are prisoners too, so there's no avoiding an answer to your question GrinI was only thinking today how much I miss those times.
Not the same when they are little though.

Original poster
LittleLionMansMummy · 11/02/2018 20:04

I look forward to that gilly! I actually have really fond memories of the same growing up, which is why I persevere. And I still enjoy sitting and chatting with my parents. I just prefer it when the dc are in bed! Grin

OP posts:
AntArcticFox · 11/02/2018 20:10

Occasionally my DH would come in later and while he had his dinner the kids might have a pudding and I'd have a cup of tea and that could be pleasant as I wasn't faced with complaints about microscopic red pepper fragments gone rogue or dreadful fish..

One answer is to make the special meal for you to enjoy as a family the one where you actually don't care what or if they eat. Then the food is put out in serving dishes and if they eat some that's a bonus. The focus is on the adults enjoying the food and everyone participating in the event. You've actually given them the nutrition elsewhere.

edwinbear · 11/02/2018 20:29

I hate them, I don't do them anymore. DH has the table manners of a pig, chomps with his mouth open sounding like a horse, holds his fork upside down like a spoon and generally sits there with a face like a smacked arse.

DC's (8&6) fight and bicker with each other and turn their noses up at anything I cook. DC's have had soup and crusty bread for dinner tonight. I'm having crisps and DH is eating a microwave curry in another room as I can't stand being anywhere near him when he's eating.

It's a very sad state of affairs really.

tumblrpigeon · 11/02/2018 20:34

Love it now with teenagers. Not so much with wee kids.

The trick with feeding anyone of any age is to make sure they are hungry.

isthistoonosy · 11/02/2018 20:42

Depends on the day, sometimes its great sometimes awful. The worse is if it is a bitty meal like kebabs or tacos as the kids get served, eat the bread and to be fair to them they are pretty much done while me and OH are still getting our first serving. That leads to nonsense and stress at the table, even if we say they can get down and go an play that isn't allowed at nursery and every time they (the kids) insist on reinforcing rules to each other that they don't want and we don't want. (kids are 3 and 4, I hope to god it gets better)

makeitso · 11/02/2018 20:58

Not when DC we're younger. They are 10 and 12 now it's much better.

Dancergirl · 12/02/2018 10:59

OMG, I am so pleased to read this thread!

My dc are older - 16, 14 and 10 but Sunday lunchtimes are still hell on earth.

10 year old dd has misophonia and can't bear people's eating. She takes her food in the other room to eat and we call her back when we've finished so she can join in the chat. It's quite stressful because we have to be mindful of not eating in her presence, and it pisses the 14 year off which causes more tension.

As well as being annoyed by her little sister, 14 year old dd is in the midst of teenage angst/hormones/friendship problems and she'll often sit there with a face on her or be rude and snappy. If I send her away from the table they'll be hardly anyone left!

Thank goodness for my easy 16 year old.

SteadyFreddie · 12/02/2018 11:19

We had 6 adults with 3 babies (all cousins) aged 4months, 7 months and 1 year yesterday for Sunday lunch.
Kids ate with a varying degree of success, but it was lovely to see all the boys together at the table.