To think it was rude to return this present?

[Dancergirl]

It was my dd's birthday a few weeks ago. Dh had been discussing with his sister what she could get for her niece as a present. Dh suggested a voucher from a clothes shop that was near where he worked so he said he would buy it from his sister and she could pay him back.

Today is my nephew's birthday (SIL's ds). Dh had arranged that SIL would buy something from us for the same value to make things easy. However, dh forget to tell me this so I ordered something online to be delivered to my nephew.

Today my MIL was visiting, she went to see SIL first and then onto us. She brought with her a box containing the present I had ordered. Apparently because I didn't know about this arrangement between dh and SIL, she said my present wasn't needed any more and could I return it.

I think this is rude to return a carefully chosen present. They should have just kept the damn thing.

Maybe from their point of view they were trying to make sure you had spent the same amount of money and therefore you weren't out of pocket.

Yabu. She was saving you money. Don’t you talk to your dh?

Yes maybe but it's not about the money. I feel offended but maybe I am being over-sensitive. Plus it will be a pain to return, pay the postage etc.

I wonder if they were trying to do right by you and didn't mean to cause you offense. I think in your shoes I would have thanked them, sent back the surplus gift and made a mental note to speak to DH about levels of communication going forward. Pick your battles as they say, I don't think this needs to be one.

Yes, she's been very polite and done the right thing so you can return it and get your money back. It would have been much ruder if she'd hung onto it despite the mix up so your DD only got one present and she got two. If you wanted her to keep it anyway you should have contacted her and said so and said not to worry about getting an extra present for your DD.

Definitely not rude.

I'd imagine she feels incredibly awkward. Save it for his Christmas present?

I think she did the decent thing. You and your husband hadn't communicated properly, and her son ended up with twice as much as either of you had intended for him to get. She was being thoughtful, not ungrateful.

Yes of course we do georgie but he's been away abroad on business this week and it must have slipped his mind to tell me.

Ordinarily, returning gifts to the receipient is very rude. But in this instance she probably thought it would be rude to hang on to the extra gift as it would mean you and your DH had bought twice for your nephew.

I would give her a pass on this one. I think she was trying not to be greedy.

You also forgot to tell him you were sorting out the nephew's present. If you had, he'd have let you know it was sorted.

I think she was right. You could have just said that it was ok and your DN could have both.

I don’t understand if it’s not about the money then why complain about paying for postage back?

Yes that's true bassoon although it is taken as read that I do family present buying simply because I have more spare time than dh.

So give it back. And say you're happy to spend the extra this year.

If she'd kept both, would you not be starting one of the ever popular 'CF' threads?

I think she did the right thing, although I would have rang you before your MIL arrived.

Keep it for someone else.

Thanks all, you've made good points, I am probably being silly. Just seems a shame to pay for postage out and return postage and not have the item! Think I will just say they can keep the extra gift and don't worry about it.

Well, having two presents would also be problematic as presumably you wnated to keep everything fair. Perhaps it would have been better if they'd returned theirs instead, but it might have been that the other thing couldn't be returned (bought too early, personalised, etc).

YABU - they were trying to do the right thing by returning the extra gift as they assumed there had been a mix up as you and your DH didn't communicate and you're complaining because you don't want to have to deal with the hassle of returning it.

If you don't want to return it, stick it in a cupboard and keep it till Christmas.

I think she probably felt awkward and didn’t want her DS to be getting a more expensive present. However, I do think she could have been a little more tactful about returning it via MIL unless maybe she had sent a politer message to be given to you about the return but this wasn’t repeated.

They were being helpful just send it back The problem is u n hubbies communication

@Dancergirl "its not needed anymore" is a bit rude but I'm presuming you are paraphrasing and thats not what MIL actually said?

However i think SIL was being polite and would be called grabby if she just kept the item and got double the gift while giving your DD just one gift.

Perhaps she couldnt afford 2 gifts for your DD and didnt want to be in that position (as it wasnt the agreement)?

I do understand what you mean that its a pain to return and postage etc. But thats DHs fault - not hers (or yours). Maybe keep it for christmas or easter for him?

Sorry OP you're being unreasonable. You're all family and she obviously thought she was doing the right thing by returning it, I'm sure she wasn't trying to offend you. I don't understand how the fact you've ordered your present if you DH has sorted the money with his sister has never come up in conversation before the actual day between you and your DH.

I would have thought she WBU if she'd realised a mistake had been made (by two presents) and kept both! I think she WNBU to have politely returned one of them. It's not ungrateful, it's good manners. Although maybe sending it back with MIL without contacting you herself comes across as a bit rude, but she probably meant to thank you for the present before returning it with MIL, however caught up in the birthday rush she forgot the contacting you bit.

Is she usually polite? Do you usually get on? If so I would be inclined to think well of her for not keeping the doubled-up present rather than that she was ungrateful.