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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it was rude to return this present?

47 replies

Dancergirl · 10/02/2018 22:16

It was my dd's birthday a few weeks ago. Dh had been discussing with his sister what she could get for her niece as a present. Dh suggested a voucher from a clothes shop that was near where he worked so he said he would buy it from his sister and she could pay him back.

Today is my nephew's birthday (SIL's ds). Dh had arranged that SIL would buy something from us for the same value to make things easy. However, dh forget to tell me this so I ordered something online to be delivered to my nephew.

Today my MIL was visiting, she went to see SIL first and then onto us. She brought with her a box containing the present I had ordered. Apparently because I didn't know about this arrangement between dh and SIL, she said my present wasn't needed any more and could I return it.

I think this is rude to return a carefully chosen present. They should have just kept the damn thing.

OP posts:
SchoolMoney · 10/02/2018 22:57

Is it something that can stay in a cupboard until Christmas?

MiddleClassProblem · 10/02/2018 23:01

Just return it, ffs. You don’t want an imbalance so SIL feels shit about it. Plus you’ll get more of your money back that what you spent in postage unless it cost £6 or something. Or give it to someone else if you don’t want to send it back but it’s realy not worth making SIL feel like she’s fallen short or if there are any other nieces or nephews they need this extra amount too.

Allthewaves · 10/02/2018 23:04

I would have returned it to you in sil place as wouldn't want to appear grabby

Marriedwithchildren5 · 10/02/2018 23:06

Guessing you've all missed op's last post??

InToMyHeart · 10/02/2018 23:07

If she hadn't returned it, you'd have been on here calling her a CF!

MiddleClassProblem · 10/02/2018 23:12

Marriedwithchildren5 er... no. I was telling her it was the wrong move.

HairBlues · 10/02/2018 23:18

But OP - you now have the present back via your MIL, you would have to presumably physically return it to your SIL again in order for her to "keep it"? She hasn't got it to keep any more, you have? Confused

LovingLola · 10/02/2018 23:21

I feel sorry for the OP's sister-in-law. The OP is bitching about her even though the OP's husband is the person who caused the issue.

hotmumma69 · 10/02/2018 23:28

yabu

kateandme · 10/02/2018 23:56

your not being silly hun.
I imagine she sat there thinking 'oh god shes ended up spending twice for my son what would she think of me if I kept this.she would think me cheeky etc I gotta give it her back so she can get her money back' etc or something along those lines.
don't overthink it now though as it being something against you.im sure shed hate to now think you were feeling this.

Marriedwithchildren5 · 11/02/2018 00:44

MiddleClassProblem sorry! I thought you'd totally missed op had come to a normal/Not bitter result and all is good!!

MiddleClassProblem · 11/02/2018 00:49
Confused

I’m not sure giving it back to SIL would be the “normal” response as many keep saying. The normal response would be, now she has it back, to just crack on whether that’s using it another time/for someone else or returning it to the place she ordered it from, up to her.

Carouselfish · 11/02/2018 01:05

I wonder if they were worried you and your DH wouldn't now pay her back for the present she'd bought on your behalf.

Buying on each other's behalf does complicate things a bit - why not just buy your own presents in the first place?

BTW OP, I do think it's pretty rude. A quick phone call to tell you about the pre-bought present and see what you wanted to do would have been the polite thing to do.

SleepingStandingUp · 11/02/2018 01:09

Can you give it your daughter instead if you cba to return it?

Assuming its a £20 present then a dew quid in postage still costs less than the awkwardness of one kid getting two presents and the other one one

BoomBoomsCousin · 11/02/2018 01:17

I think you have to imagine the worst possible interpretation of your SIL's actions to think it's intended to be a criticism of anything you've actually done. Even then, at most, it's a mild criticism of your choice of toy for the nephew, which isn't exactly a cutting attack on your life choices.

Original poster
Dancergirl · 11/02/2018 10:57

BTW OP, I do think it's pretty rude. A quick phone call to tell you about the pre-bought present and see what you wanted to do would have been the polite thing to do

I think this is what's bothering me. The return of the present via MIL without even a word.

OP posts:
Kochicoo · 11/02/2018 11:06

Maybe she didn't ring cause she didn't want to put you on the spot on the phone and feel like you had to say she could keep it. It was a misunderstanding, not caused by her. She's been very polite so you should just return the gift to her, apologise for the mix up and forget about it!

Original poster
Dancergirl · 11/02/2018 11:07

Yes I will kochicoo thank you, these are all very sensible responses. I can see SIL's point of view now.

OP posts:
Kochicoo · 11/02/2018 11:08

Or return and pay postage or keep in stock as an extra gift for someone. Either way, SWNBU. Try not to worry.

gamerwidow · 11/02/2018 11:08

I think you’re SIL was just trying to ensure you didn’t end up buying two lots of presents. It have been worse if she’s kept it. She made sure it got back to you in plenty of time no need to phone personally and explain when she knew your MIL would be able to explain perfectly well. It’s a pain to have to send it back but if it’s anyones fault it’s your DH for not telling you the plan. NOg worth getting upset with anyone about really.

Kochicoo · 11/02/2018 11:09

That's good. It's hard not to assume the worst sometimes, isn't it?!

BlondeB83 · 11/02/2018 12:04

YABU, she was trying to do the right thing.

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