To think it was rude to return this present?

[Dancergirl]

It was my dd's birthday a few weeks ago. Dh had been discussing with his sister what she could get for her niece as a present. Dh suggested a voucher from a clothes shop that was near where he worked so he said he would buy it from his sister and she could pay him back.

Today is my nephew's birthday (SIL's ds). Dh had arranged that SIL would buy something from us for the same value to make things easy. However, dh forget to tell me this so I ordered something online to be delivered to my nephew.

Today my MIL was visiting, she went to see SIL first and then onto us. She brought with her a box containing the present I had ordered. Apparently because I didn't know about this arrangement between dh and SIL, she said my present wasn't needed any more and could I return it.

I think this is rude to return a carefully chosen present. They should have just kept the damn thing.

[BlondeB83]

YABU, she was trying to do the right thing.

[Kochicoo]

That's good. It's hard not to assume the worst sometimes, isn't it?!

[gamerwidow]

I think you’re SIL was just trying to ensure you didn’t end up buying two lots of presents. It have been worse if she’s kept it. She made sure it got back to you in plenty of time no need to phone personally and explain when she knew your MIL would be able to explain perfectly well. It’s a pain to have to send it back but if it’s anyones fault it’s your DH for not telling you the plan. NOg worth getting upset with anyone about really.

[Kochicoo]

Or return and pay postage or keep in stock as an extra gift for someone. Either way, SWNBU. Try not to worry.

[Dancergirl]

Yes I will kochicoo thank you, these are all very sensible responses. I can see SIL's point of view now.

[Kochicoo]

Maybe she didn't ring cause she didn't want to put you on the spot on the phone and feel like you had to say she could keep it. It was a misunderstanding, not caused by her. She's been very polite so you should just return the gift to her, apologise for the mix up and forget about it!

[Dancergirl]

BTW OP, I do think it's pretty rude. A quick phone call to tell you about the pre-bought present and see what you wanted to do would have been the polite thing to do

I think this is what's bothering me. The return of the present via MIL without even a word.

[BoomBoomsCousin]

I think you have to imagine the worst possible interpretation of your SIL's actions to think it's intended to be a criticism of anything you've actually done. Even then, at most, it's a mild criticism of your choice of toy for the nephew, which isn't exactly a cutting attack on your life choices.

[SleepingStandingUp]

Can you give it your daughter instead if you cba to return it?
Assuming its a £20 present then a dew quid in postage still costs less than the awkwardness of one kid getting two presents and the other one one

[Carouselfish]

I wonder if they were worried you and your DH wouldn't now pay her back for the present she'd bought on your behalf.

Buying on each other's behalf does complicate things a bit - why not just buy your own presents in the first place?

BTW OP, I do think it's pretty rude. A quick phone call to tell you about the pre-bought present and see what you wanted to do would have been the polite thing to do.

[MiddleClassProblem]

I’m not sure giving it back to SIL would be the “normal” response as many keep saying. The normal response would be, now she has it back, to just crack on whether that’s using it another time/for someone else or returning it to the place she ordered it from, up to her.

[Marriedwithchildren5]

MiddleClassProblem sorry! I thought you'd totally missed op had come to a normal/Not bitter result and all is good!!

[kateandme]

your not being silly hun.
I imagine she sat there thinking 'oh god shes ended up spending twice for my son what would she think of me if I kept this.she would think me cheeky etc I gotta give it her back so she can get her money back' etc or something along those lines.
don't overthink it now though as it being something against you.im sure shed hate to now think you were feeling this.

[hotmumma69]

yabu

[LovingLola]

I feel sorry for the OP's sister-in-law. The OP is bitching about her even though the OP's husband is the person who caused the issue.

[HairBlues]

But OP - you now have the present back via your MIL, you would have to presumably physically return it to your SIL again in order for her to "keep it"? She hasn't got it to keep any more, you have?

[MiddleClassProblem]

Marriedwithchildren5 er... no. I was telling her it was the wrong move.

[InToMyHeart]

If she hadn't returned it, you'd have been on here calling her a CF!

[Marriedwithchildren5]

Guessing you've all missed op's last post??

[Allthewaves]

I would have returned it to you in sil place as wouldn't want to appear grabby

[MiddleClassProblem]

Just return it, ffs. You don’t want an imbalance so SIL feels shit about it. Plus you’ll get more of your money back that what you spent in postage unless it cost £6 or something. Or give it to someone else if you don’t want to send it back but it’s realy not worth making SIL feel like she’s fallen short or if there are any other nieces or nephews they need this extra amount too.

[SchoolMoney]

Is it something that can stay in a cupboard until Christmas?

[HairBlues]

I would have thought she WBU if she'd realised a mistake had been made (by two presents) and kept both! I think she WNBU to have politely returned one of them. It's not ungrateful, it's good manners. Although maybe sending it back with MIL without contacting you herself comes across as a bit rude, but she probably meant to thank you for the present before returning it with MIL, however caught up in the birthday rush she forgot the contacting you bit.

Is she usually polite? Do you usually get on? If so I would be inclined to think well of her for not keeping the doubled-up present rather than that she was ungrateful.

[mumof2sarah]

Sorry OP you're being unreasonable. You're all family and she obviously thought she was doing the right thing by returning it, I'm sure she wasn't trying to offend you. I don't understand how the fact you've ordered your present if you DH has sorted the money with his sister has never come up in conversation before the actual day between you and your DH.