Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 17 18

AIBU?

About parents' money

431 replies

junpinline · 10/02/2018 11:47

My parents are quite wealthy; they have a large house with no mortgage, fancy holidays a few times a year, spend loads on clothes and meals and cars and socialising. My dad works but Mother doesn't.

Recently they came into a large sum of money and are busy spending it on new furniture, redecorating, cars etc.

I have two sisters and we are all in our twenties. Our parents have never given any of us any money. I bought a house two years ago and saved for years, my parents contributed by buying me a kettle.

I'm currently trying to sell the house and I'm going to be few thousand short for a deposit on new house. I'm struggling hard to save this and my parents know. In the meantime they've just bought another new car and are going abroad next week. They always expect expensive gifts at Christmas etc.

AIBU to be starting to resent them for this?

OP posts:

Report

barefoofdoctor · 10/02/2018 13:18

YANBU.That'd be the end of the expensive Christmas presents from me though.

FartyMcLetFly · 10/02/2018 13:18

and can people please stop having a dig at the OP for buying a "bigger more expensive house" none of us know her circumstances!!

She could be selling up and down sizing because she's separating from a relationship so splitting the proceeds, she could be having to move to a different (more expensive?) area because of a job.....

FFS so much assumption

MorningstarMoon · 10/02/2018 13:18

YABU it's your parents money not yours

NerrSnerr · 10/02/2018 13:19

How dare they spend their money on themselves? The bastards. Maybe they sense your resentment against them? It really sounds like you don’t like them, especially your mum. Why would they give money to someone so obviously bitter about their lifestyle.

Saz1995 · 10/02/2018 13:19

My parents are well off and own their home etc, I have never asked for any money or a loan. They offered to put down a deposit on a house for me and my partner and our son but I wanted to do it myself, they were really proud of me for being responsible and doing it. They are probably only trying to make you money responsible, just because they have money, doesn't mean they're obliged to fund your life.

Whatshallidonowpeople · 10/02/2018 13:19

They don't owe you money. You sound very greedy

italiancortado · 10/02/2018 13:20

remember this when they're older and need your help and care. Tell them they've got enough savings squirrelled away to sort themselves out.

Oh wow. How awful. Do people really rate their family relationships in monetary terms only?

God that's fucking horrendous.

junpinline · 10/02/2018 13:20

I already saved up the difference of upwards of 10k difference as the new city I'm buying in is more expensive. So no I'm not living beyond my means or irresponsible with money.

OP posts:

Lifeisabeach09 · 10/02/2018 13:21

I believe parents should help their adult children out if they can afford to but I'm from a family who will give me financial help (without me asking) if they see me struggling.
I'd help my child financially in a heartbeat.
I don't get their attitude and understand your resentment.
It's a shame you have to ask for a loan from them but do so (if you haven't already).

Offthebandwagonagain · 10/02/2018 13:21

Op, your parents are tight-fisted and mean. Remember this when they are old and grey!

swingofthings · 10/02/2018 13:22

Have said many times it is to pay unexpected fees
Why unexpected? Fees are usually clear from the start.

It's not like you are about to be made homeless, just that you have additional costs that you will need to budget for or repay as a loan. It's your life. Be grateful that your parents seem to be looking after themselves so you won't have to financially support them when they are older, unlike many adults whose parents have acted irresponsibly.

Greggers2017 · 10/02/2018 13:22

If you don't have Enough money for your deposit then you can't afford to move.

My parents are similar to yours but I appreciate the fact they have worked their backsides off to be in that position. It's their money to do what they want with.

borderline11 · 10/02/2018 13:23

"how can they be so self indulgent whilst their kids struggle"

By struggle you mean choosing to hug a new house

Nothing wrong in giving a nice house a hug is there

When i say "struggle" i mean it in more general terms, as in "struggling" through life, which these days is hard for young families.

Chewbecca · 10/02/2018 13:23

I guess you don't look like you are struggling OP.

You're selling one house and presumably choosing to move to a more expensive town. And underestimated how much that would cost.

junpinline · 10/02/2018 13:24

I HAVE ENOUGH MONEY FOR A DEPOSIT.

Are some posters saying that when buying a house they have never had to pay an unexpected fee or cost?

OP posts:

swingofthings · 10/02/2018 13:25

I already saved up the difference of upwards of 10k difference as the new city I'm buying in is more expensive.
So you are not in need either. You have a job, a house already, you are able to save money. You are doing what most responsible people do for themselves.

The issue here is clearly that you resent their lifestyle, but they have earned it, why can't they enjoy a new car and nice holidays if they worked hard to get to that point of being able to afford it?

junpinline · 10/02/2018 13:26

Seems like you can't win here - if you've saved, you're not in need (although I am, as I'm short). If I haven't saved, or if I'm short some money, I'm irresponsible.

OP posts:

borderline11 · 10/02/2018 13:27

Greggers my kids "work their backsides" off too. I don't think they'll ever be as wealthy as the Ops parents sound. It's not always hard work that makes you wealthy anyway, and also the op said her dm didn't go out to work so she was hardly working her backside off.

Twoo · 10/02/2018 13:27

Sorry yabu. You became independent once you became an adult.

Their money, their choice on how they use it.

Lemonnaise · 10/02/2018 13:27

There's a lot of projecting on this thread that asking for £1,500 in this situation means that the OP is going to expect her parents to fund every purchasing decision she makes from now on

Isn't there just, some of them have re-written the OPs entire life.

OP YANBU, if they have the money they should help you out.

swingofthings · 10/02/2018 13:27

Are some posters saying that when buying a house they have never had to pay an unexpected fee or cost?
I did when I remortgage a few times, I added the fee to the mortgage and had to pay more each month as a result. Never occurred to me to expect my parents to pay for it.

Riverside2 · 10/02/2018 13:29

I'm with you OP

I think it's mean when a parent has a load floating around and won't offer. I understand why you don't want to ask as well though.

but when I was injured and getting SSP while on temp work, my parents even offered to pay my whole rent, bills etc till I got back to work. I said no but the gesture meant a lot to me.

their feeling is that it's family money and if there's a situation where they can easily spare the extra and their DC might benefit, they will offer it. I think that's the way family life should be, if you can afford it.

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Email address

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

junpinline · 10/02/2018 13:30

It's not a mortgage fee so it can't be added to the mortgage. Not sure how many times I need to put that.

I budgeted 6k for fees to buy and sell as advised but this is completely unexpected.

OP posts:

swingofthings · 10/02/2018 13:30

You just haven't saved enough, how is that anyone else but your fault? It happens, it's no big deal, it doesn't mean your parents have to bail you out. You seem to be doing very well for yourself, so be proud of what you've accomplished, as I would hope your parents are, but don't start feeling bitter because they are not there to pick up when things go a bit wrong.

swingofthings · 10/02/2018 13:31

but this is completely unexpected.
So what are those fees that are completely unexpected?

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 17 18

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.