Hitting back

[13lozz]

Aibu to think that encouraging 'hitting back' is not the best stratagy? Whats everybodys opinions? Personally i would not encourage my dd to hit back but to walk away and tell somebody but i hear a lot of people encourging their children to hit back if they are hit whats best stratagy for you?

If someone attacked me I’d hit them back so I teach my children to do the same and let them know I’d back them up if they got in trouble for it. I was taught not to hit back and was horribly bullied at school until one day I was pushed too far and physically defended myself. It stopped immediately. I wish I had just done it earlier.
I also teach them never to hit first and to use their voice. Hitting back should only occur if they are under physical attack.
They are older and have managed school with my daughter having zero incidents and my son having one where he hit back and it never happened again. They get on well with their peers and are consistently praised by their teachers for positive attitudes so I haven’t turned them into little violent monsters by taking that stance. I just wish my own mum had taught me the same.

It's not somehting I've ever done, mainly because I thought it would get DC into trouble but my Dad did teach me that way. At 4yo I had some trouble with a girl pulling my hair. Dad bought a blowup punchbag and taught me to punch. I only had to do it once.

My parents always used to say "If someone hits you, hit them back twice as hard".

Will be saying the same to mine...

Our school have a set bullying policy. From what I can gather step one is tell victim to stay away from bully
Step two is tell victim, "okay that's enough now"
When victim hits back, step three punish victim
When parents complain, step four tell parents children at this age do play rough
Step five Deny deny deny
When I told the HT a kid smacking my child repeatedly in the face with a frisbee because my child wouldn't give up the frisbee he had, or randomly bolting across the classroom to punch another child in the head for no reason was not rough play, I was told that those events didn't happen. Funny that my DCs classmates saw exactly that happening.

I really want to teach my boy to hit back but his bully is hard as nails and quite frankly, not right in the head. He doesn't get upset when hit, just Hulks out and attacks back harder and when he does he's vicious. I'm waiting for the day when he takes his hammer or a knife out and I'll be able to deal with him using the law.

GetsPostByOwl

Why are you continuing to send your child to this school?

Have you looked at the complaints procedure policy? How old are they?

No other schools in the area (rural) and for the most part my DC love it there. The bully has grown up with DC (again, small area) so have been dealing with bully from toddlerhood. It's pretty much just been the way of things but since starting school we parents though "Right, this is it. He'll have to be dealt with now"
To be fair it has finally calmed down for the most part, especially since the parents got shamed. I still watched him grab my son by the throat and throw him at the floor at a party last week. I shouted and I don't give a shit.

Told mine to hit back every time, eventually the bully will get tired of being hurt & will go & pick on a kid that doesn't hit back.

It worked!

Also told them that as long as they didn't start it I'd stand next to them in front of the Head & fully back them up.

I told DS to hit back. He put up with a kid grabbing him by the throat every day, with the school doing precisely nothing.

Once DS got fed up, he threw him to the floor and punched him in the face. School then call me in and expect me to punish DS but I wasn't prepared to do that. Unfortunately for the school, bulky was 10 and my DS only 9 so I was prepared to go to the police.

Bullying stopped after that. I went round to see the parents and was surprised to find they had never been told about their son being violent.

Would always advise DS to hit back - not to start it, but hit back twice as hard. I'm afraid I ignore what the schools say. Most are terrified of upsetting bully parents in my experience.

As a young woman I was grabbed from behind on the street. I did martial arts at the time and when the guy spun me round in front of him I did indeed hit him back. Hard. In the face. Blood, a crunch. Shock. He took his hands off me.

It gave me a split second to run away. I still shudder thinking about it.

Violence should never be a first option. If it’s possible, a raised voice, backing off or just getting out of the situation is best.

But I think there’s a threshold past which fighting back is the only option.

Many years ago my nephew was being bullied and hit at lunchtime in school by three boys who constantly did it, myself and my sister noticed he was very quite which was out of character for him, eventually he told us what had been going on.

Apparently he’d told the teachers and lunch ladies but the boys just ramped up the hitting, my sister and myself said to him if they do it again hit them back and hit them hard, bless him he was worried about getting told off but we said tell the teacher your mum said your to hit back and get them to ring her.

Anyway the boys hit him again but this time he hit them really hard and guess what they never did it again they moved onto someone else.
At parents evening my sister brought the issue up with his class teacher and that she had giving him permission to hit back and the teacher agreed that sometimes it’s the only way to deal with these bullies.

My dd was horrifically bullied last year and was attacked 3 times. I really really wished she'd turned around and beat the shit out of them but unfortunately she isn't like that so just got away as quickly as she could.

Ds1 was bullied incessantly by one particular child throughout infant school. He is a very sensitive, thoughtful type who wouldn't say boo to a goose. The bullying caused him serious anxiety issues.

When Ds2 started the school, the same boy decided to start on him. Big mistake. Ds2 takes no prisoners. One whack and he was down..Never heard a peep out of him after that.
Never thought I would condone violence but it does appear to get results in some circumstances.
I should add that the school did precisely sod all about the bullying despite numerous pleas from us.

My ds who is 4 has already been told to hit back, but, never to hit first, only to put them down and walk away. No way am I having any child of mine stand and take a beating. Self defence is important. Schools these days do fuck all when it comes to matters of bullying etc.

I used to have to get the school bus, I was mostly left alone until one girl took against me. For months I endured being punched in the stomach/shoulder (she'd only hit me as I was walking past). Then one day just as I was getting to where she was sat I heard her say to the girl she was sat next to "she won't hit you back". I got the usual punch as I walked past but this time I turned around and punched her very hard in the face. Just the once.

She never hit me again.

Our strategy is:

1. Tell them to stop, use words.
2. If they don't stop, tell an adult.
3. If they still don't stop, hit back

I was bullied by several girls when I was a teenager, but one in particular was awful. One day I snapped and hit her. She didn't pick on me again and neither did the others.

I think when the school are doing nothing then standing up for yourself is last and only option.

I had a bully on the bus when I was in teens. He was younger but taller than me and had been getting at me for months. In the end I slapped him in face.
Solved problem and oddly in latter years we were friends

YANBU unless the child is actually in danger of serious harm then no I dont agree with hitting back. Of course if someone is actually threatening your life youd need to hit back but in cases of just one or two slaps or punches its always better to teach a child to just walk away and thereby retain the moral high ground. Its best to do that because then it becomes very clear who is in the wrong rather than descending into an actual fight.

I always told my four to never start trouble but to never be a victim either and if they were hit by anyone to make sure they hit them back even harder. It worked!

I had to tell my child to hit back, this was after him being hit repeatedly, being physically constrained stopped him getting to an adult and it going on for months!!!! Once he started hitting back the attacks against him reduced and have now stopped. I hated doing it but found putting his hand up, shouting stop and going to find help was ineffective 😢 I think it depends on the effectiveness of the school, for us it wasn't decisive in dealing with the kids so we had to teach him it was ok to defend himself.

My kids all go to a martial arts self defence class. A good block does a fine job of stopping people trying to punch or kick them more than once. They are also quite confident as a result of being able to handle themselves too which I think helps keep any potential bullies at bay.

I was taught from a very young age to hit back, and hit back hard. As my dad said: "nip that in the bud right there and then!".

I can count on the fingers of one hand the amount of times I've been hit in my life and I've hit back, hard, every time.

Been punished for it in school, of course, but nobody ever hit me twice and after the first few tries from bullyboys nobody tried after.

I was very small for my age up until 16 or so, so I was seen as an easy target I suspect, but it never escalated after.

I would be happy with my DS hitting back and have told him so. He’s not to hit first but if someone hits him imo they’ve opened themselves up to being hit back. And it’s defence at that point.

My son was bullied until he smacked the ringleader - no more bullying. Sad that it takes that to stop it.

yeah, my family was also: hit back, do not endure, do not suffer any abuser.
And my mother is a teacher...