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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

school toilet policy

68 replies

beclev24 · 09/02/2018 17:12

This is making my DS (aged 7) v anxious so trying to get a read on whether it is genuinely an unreasonable policy or more just him.

In his class, they are only allowed to go to the toilet once per day in lesson time. If they go more than this, they miss 5 mins of break. This feels unfair to me, as they can't help how often they need to go/ they are still young and often can't hold it and it causes unnecessary anxiety for some kids/ it seems like a punishment for something they can't necessarily control. Not to mention the fact that some kids (like my DS but I'm sure many others too) really need htat running around time at break. I'm thinking of complaining to the school but before I do....

AIBU?

OP posts:

ForalltheSaints · 09/02/2018 21:48

Given how disruptive it is I think the policy is reasonable. Parents should be made aware and also that if it is a problem, then perhaps a child needs medical help of one form or another. Children could be asking to go in lesson time because of fears of going when other children do. A psychological problem may have a visible sign in being unable to manage the need for the toilet.

makingmiracles · 09/02/2018 21:56

Can understand both sides of the coin here, it is disruptive is load speed of kids keep going to the toilet but they are still quite young at 7, so I’d say try and remind your child to go in their breaks but maybe have a word with school if the problem persists?
My Ds is 12 and almost peed himself in lesson the other day as the teacher would not let him go, I have reminded him that he needs to ideally try and go at break and lunch, but if it happens again and he’s told no, and really can’t wait to excuse himself and just leave to go to the toilet, resting teachers should not go as far as the embarrassment of peeing oneself in class imo.

makingmiracles · 09/02/2018 21:57

*respecting teachers

Original poster

beclev24 · 09/02/2018 22:03

@iamagreyhoundhearmeroar presumably because they can see from my email address/IP address/ posting history that I am not the same person as the persistent troll?

As for the class email- it was one thing mentioned among many class news items. Not that extraordinary I don't think?

OP posts:

humpbackwhalestail · 09/02/2018 22:33

The problem with letting children go to the toilet is that it turns into an ever revolving door of children asking to go.

I would say nine of of ten times they don’t really want to, they want to leave the lesson for a bit.

So I think it’s fair enough.

bruffin · 10/02/2018 09:26

You can’t encourage them to drink throughout the day all day and then complain they need the toilet at inconvenient times.

Drinking more makes you go less, stronger urine irritates the bladder and makes you want to go to the toilet more

Chocywockydodahhhhhh · 10/02/2018 09:39

Come on HQ have looked into the background and said she is not the toilet troll, they would be able to see from posting history if she had posted on this topic before.

As the op said she started the thread on why are girls preferred which was
a massive thread.

If HQ have looked into it and said the poster is ok the troll hunters on here need to back off

ohreallyohreallyoh · 10/02/2018 09:46

I am 100% sure that for some teachers they like the power of being in charge of you and controlling everything, including when you pee

If the school policy is X, teachers are expected to do X, no questions asked. There is nothing more frustrating than the policy being X which most teachers follow but Teacher A and Teacher Z don’t. It is undermining and messes with behaviour as a whole.

as an adult, no one polices when I go

As a teaching cult, if I misjudge, I spend several hours leg crossing!

ohreallyohreallyoh · 10/02/2018 09:48

A teaching cult?! Teaching adult!

LadyLoveYourWhat · 10/02/2018 10:02

I think you might be better off reassuring your son that it's going to be ok - because it is! It doesn't sound like he has any medical problems, so he just needs to remember to go to the loo before school or in breaks. If he forgets at first then the worst that is going to happen is that he will miss 5 minutes of break. Keep reminding him that it isn't a big deal and that he will soon get into the habit.

We all get anxious about things, but the way to get rid of that is by learning how to reassure ourselves that it will be OK, not by trying to eliminate all sources of anxiety. Look at this as an exercise in helping your son to be more resilient.

GeorgeTheHamster · 10/02/2018 10:45

Just tell him he has to go to the loo every break time and at lunch time even if he doesn't need to go. Chances of him needing to go in lessons are then very slim. You're over reacting. Teacher needs the kids in the classroom not faffing about saying they need the loo every time they get a bit bored.

Tumbleweed101 · 10/02/2018 11:34

I can understand the anxiety the child might have and it can cause long term issues. Growing up my dad would never willingly stop on car journeys if we needed the toilet and as an adult I still get anxious and have to check where all the stops will be even if driving myself. I also have to choose isle seats at cinema etc - just in case. I never need to go but if I felt trapped in the middle of a row it would worry me.

Being told you can’t just builds anxiety. It might be annoying for the teacher but I’m sure they know which children are genuine and which want to escape to mess about.

LemonysSnicket · 10/02/2018 11:35

That would stress me out as an adult ... let alone a child.
So Lon as they raise their hand and ask and then return promptly I don’t see why schools have such issues with people needing to pee.

Pengggwn · 10/02/2018 11:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LadyLoveYourWhat · 10/02/2018 12:05

As an adult, I don't leave meetings to go to the loo, I know when they are and make sure to go before, it is expected behaviour for us too. Nobody is telling the children that they can't go to the toilet during lessons, just encouraging them not to, which is reasonable. Your job here is to help your son to feel less anxious about it, not to undermine what the school is trying to do.

upsideup · 10/02/2018 12:05

I tell my DC if they really need to go and the teacher has said no then they can just go, I will deal with any repercussions.
No adult should have or even want the right to force a child to wet themselves. As it happens DD's school has relaxed recently on the ridiculous toilet rules and realised the only problem was no letting children go which was making them anxious and need to go more, now they can go when they need to they only go when they need to.

NewDOOFUSfor18 · 10/02/2018 12:10

My ds told me his teacher had started telling him not to drink as he was weeing too much. I was pretty annoyed but didn't complain and just went and asked the teacher if it was true, but not all guns blazing. She TOLD me he goes to the toilet a lot and she felt it could be a distraction technique. It's not, unfortunately ds has a very shit bladder (thanks dad) and I told her this. She said "oh ok that's fine then, we'll just let him go". No anger, no drama. It was that easy.

Collettegirl · 19/02/2018 13:04

I wouldn't think those rules are unreasonable, it gives the children more than enough opportunities to use the loo. Most children in ks2 can wait the length between breaks.

I teach year 2 and unless it is a medical reason they don't go during lesson time.

I'm sure his teacher will use common sense.

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