To ask if skinny shaming is as bad as fat shaming?

[upsideup]

I'm not trying to deny the reality of fat shaming or downplay the seriousness of it, I thinks its disgusting and rightfully as far as I am aware most people view it as completely unacecceptable, I'm just questioning why skinny shaming is still so socially acceptable. This thread is slightly inspired by some comments I have seen on other threads recently but is not a TAAT as such, I wanted to ask this question wihout derailing someone elses thread.

I am in stable recovery from anorexia now and have kept myself within the healthy BMI range for over 10 years, but my ED is irrelevant to this post as few people I now talk to know nothing about it, I dont know if they would be more sensitive if they did but it shouldnt matter, I know many slim people who have never had an eating disorder and are a healthy weight but who have experianced skinny shaming

I never comment on other peoples weight (big or small), I never purposely put anyone in a position where they would be made bad to feel bad about their weight or body because I know how horrible it feels. But just in the last few weeks I've had the 'Your so skinny' 'too skinny' 'Skeleton' comments from strangers and even 'Skinny bitch' comments. I've also been informed that men like bigger women and wouldnt my DH like me to have a bigger arse or when I decline food I am pushed to accept because 'I look like I could do with a cake' and this isnt by one individial, it's by many and in front of many, not once did anyone bat an eyelid and its normally just followed by laughter or agreement from others.

I guess I've never been overweight or been fat shamed so I cant get the full picture but AIBU in thinking skinny shaming is just as bad as fat shaming? and not understand why people dont think so?
I'm definately willing to be explained to why its not the same and that I am being unreasonable but please be a little gentle with me, I'm not trying to cause offence.

Oh yeah and my nickname at school was Twiglet. (better than stick insect though I suppose) Bloody lovely...

Skinny shaming hurts feelings on a personal level. Fat shaming is systemic and harms on an institutional level.

And until the diet industry consists of millions of food plans to get people to put on weight, until there’s a “war on thinness” I’m sticking with my opinion 🤷🏻‍♀️

Yes it is. I've had comments before and they upset me, now it doesn't happen as often, but if it does then I just ignore.
I see stuff on social media about how only dogs like bones, men like curves, real women have curves etc... it's just unnecessary.

It most definitely exists, and being called out on how much someone thinks you weigh or how you look should really, really stop. Had it throughout my life. Crap like being called a stick or stick insect; 'oh you don't eat much do you?' (I do and I barely know you so how would you even know how much I eat?!). Asked whether I'm anorexic or if I have bulimia. Being told I won't be able to eat such-and-such food (watch me!).

I've tried not to get effected by it but it does grate you down. I guess in a sense I am 'lucky' that I'm genetically slim, but what they don't know is that I'm also perhaps smaller in build because I was super premature and had to spend half a year in hospital being kept alive. They only judge what they can see, and no one should be judging anybody anyway.

I was called sparra legs at school... still have the sparra legs but am a bit podgy in the middle which is where i carry my weight ... i need to lose half a stone to be comfortable but because my arms and legs are still so skinny people scoff if I say i am eating healthy and exercising to lose a wee bit of weight its annoying!! My Dd is 13 and 5ft 6 she is under 7 stone and is now being subjected to the anorexia comments from the bots and the girls are all clamouring to know how she gets her thigh gap its starting to get her down as its mostly negative attention at a time when she is growing up and lacking a bit of self confidence x

Boys not bots

I lost a lot of weight after being really poorly last year & the amount of people who said "aren't you thin" well yes I've barely eaten for two weeks due to illness! It did start to get annoying & I also thought that it was very rude, especially as they knew I'd been ill. These were perfectly intelligent people too.
Noone has any right to comment on someone else's weight.
You don't comment on someone's looks.

Saying that I've put some weigt back on & no one says it to me anymore. I kinda miss it. No winning with me!

"Today 13:57 Asthenia

Skinny shaming hurts feelings on a personal level. Fat shaming is systemic and harms on an institutional level."

I disagree with this. Skinny shaming hurts on an institutional level too, because it maintains the tactic belief that we all have a body ideal and we can comment on whether or not other women are meeting that ideal. Every time someone says 'you're such a skinny Minnie, do you even eat!?' Or 'you look anorexic' or 'you're a stick insect, real women have curves' they are propagating the idea that it's okay to comment on somebody else's body and it's deviance from the 'ideal' as if it's public property. So I believe both are systemic issues.

I do understand the idea that skinny shaming is somehow better or less hurtful because being thin is the cultural ideal, but I disagree immensely. Just reading the relies of some of the women on here shows how incredibly hurtful it can be. Whether you're too much of one way or another in someone else's eyes, it's painful and degrading to have that commented upon as if you're less than.

I think body shaming anyone in general is fairly shit

Lemon Shark

Don’t get me wrong, I think commenting on ANYBODY’s body is wrong and I would never do it, but fat women are more likely to be convicted than thin women, more likely to be turned down for jobs and earn less, more likely to be discriminated against/not taken seriously by the medical profession - that’s what I mean by institutional level :)

Whereas being told to eat a sandwich/asked if you’re anorexic, while shit and must feel horrible, results in hurt feelings. Which is still crap. But not on the same level.

My aunt lost a vast amount of weight while seriously ill. All anyone could focus on was the weight loss, no matter how awful she felt. “You look wonderful!” “You’ve lost so much weight!” “God I wish I had what you’ve got, I could do with losing a few pounds”. Never mind that she nearly died, never mind that she couldn’t keep food down and her hair was starting to thin and she slept all day coz she had no energy - she had achieved the holy grail of thinness.

Asthenia The same happened to me. I was very close to death and luckily recovered. I came out of hospital much thinner but I was clinically depressed, traumatised and much poorer because I lost a huge chunk of income. I had also lost a lot of hair and my skin was sagging around my face with exhaustion and I shan’t even bother to list what happened to my damaged body. However, many people could only see weight loss. I had lots of comments on skinny legs which were only skinny because my muscles had atrophied and I was now in a wheelchair. I plumped back up since then. I actually don’t care.

I think they are both bad, Any comments that put people down and make them feel bad about themselves are wrong.

Asthenia SunnySkiesSleepsintheMorning

That is the most sick and insensitive thing. I've had people tell me that they would love to have anorexia for a few months or what am I complaining about its dosnt sound that bad.

Before having my children I weighed 7 1/2 stone dripping wet, and by Christ did I eat! 30 odd years later, menopause, second marriage, contentment etc I got up to nearly 10 stone; not heavy for my height but I had to buy size 12 clothes for the first time ever. Not having that, so I sensibly lost the extra weight which settled round my tummy and bum (not on my boobs unfortunately).
Over the years I've had comments on being thin ( my nickname was sticky, short for stick insect) and comments on the size of my arse when I was bigger, and to be fair I wasn't that big, just big for me.
I've been told (by someone fatter than me who was struggling to lose weight) that I looked gaunt, shouldn't lose any more; I've had comments about being flat chested, which is so true! Comments about everything really. BUT I let it go over my head, the comments usually come from people bigger than me and I laugh it off. However if I made a comment to them about being fat, I'd never hear the end of it.

Uninvited comments about any aspect of personal appearance are pretty poor form, in most cases, particularly those which are difficult or impossible to change.

CougheeBean

I think normal shops need to provide for normal people who are normal sizes but even now I am at a healthy bmi I cant find clothes in any normal highsteet shops that fit around my waist, I either take them in my self or accept they are a little bit baggy, vanity sizing has made this problem much worse, I am healthy but my size still isnt catered for. No way would shops sell clothes to fit me when I was at my lowest weight but I understand why they dont and actually dont think they should because it would be encouraging and enabeling people to be an unhealthy and dangerous size and I think the arguement is similar the other way around, why would we want to encourage/ enable people to be a dangerous weight at either end of the scale?

, Facebook seems to be the platform for overweight people to vent their frustrations upon their slim so called friends. I scroll through umpteen posts about "only dogs like bones", "real men like curves" "eat the cake bitch" etc. I've never seen anything derogatory aimed at a fat person..

If I bump into someone, for some unknown reason the conversation will involve them telling me about their weight issues,.Only today I saw someone I'd not seen for a while and she stated "I've put on a lot of weight but I'm happy now, you're still a skinny bitch" . Being slim is to do with the fact that I'm an exercise freak and eat healthily, and I'm actually happy and content, but I know she was not really interested in my story, so I just smiled.

I think they’re as bad as each other but that said, I ignore it and let it go over my head

I’ve always been slim, but within the healthy BMI range.

I’ve heard all the stick insect, to eat a burger, real women have curves, etc, etc, bull shit. and my personal favourite - that must DH must be gay to fancy me as I have no tits .

I’ve had a stomach bug recently and had no appetite for a couple of weeks and really had to force myself to eat - cue a barrage of bullshit about ‘getting a burger’ down myself at a recent work dinner. Fuck off!!

Absolutely.
My aunt is a very slim woman, and is constantly pissed off with being told or reading that she’s not ‘a real woman’ because she’s a size 8 and not a 16!
Of course she’s a real woman, her size shouldn’t matter!

mumofthemonsters808

Definately, I am not on facebook as a result. You can bet that she's not actually happy but you can also bet shes a nasty person.

It is just as bad. It stems from being skinny being supposedly more desirable than being fat.
And all these facebook bitches, they clearly only pretend to be happy with the way they look because if they were they wouldn't take it so personally and be jealous and spiteful of someone skinny.