My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

AIBU?

to get annoyed when total strangers touch/stroke my baby without asking?

252 replies

GreebosWhiskers · 01/05/2007 09:44

ds is nearly 6 months & fair enough he is gorgeous (not that I'm biased or anything) but why do total strangers feel the need to have a grab at him when he's in his buggy? Doesn't matter where we are, on the bus, in a shop, whatever, there's someone stroking his cheek or grabbing his hand. I see their manky fingernails or nicotine-yellow fingers & shudder!
I know babies are cute & soft & cuddly but I'd never dream of touching someone else's baby without at least asking first.
So, AIBU?

OP posts:
Report
NineUnlikelyTales · 01/05/2007 10:20

But Kerry your example is a bit extreme - though understandable if your babies really did nearly die. The vast majority of babies will not be harmed at all by people touching them. In fact they are more likely to be harmed by over protective mothers anti-bacterialising {new word for the Oxford English there) their entire existences.

Report
expatinscotland · 01/05/2007 10:22

I still think you need counselling, Kerry.

And I'm meaning that sincerely.

As nailpolish pointed out - and she's a healthcare professional - many infections are airborne.

They will happen to people.

Your child will do things like go to school and be social with other children and often, this will result in illness.

It is part of living life.

As you seem to have issues with this, it might be wise to see a counsellor before you visit these fears upon your child and impact his quality of life.

Report
evenhope · 01/05/2007 10:22

I was going to start a similar thread but remembered the grief the OP got for it last time and thought better of it!

We've only been taking our new baby out for a few weeks and everywhere we go people "aah" over her, which is lovely. I do appreciate it when they come and talk to us and say how lovely she is, BUT like GreebosWhiskers I would really rather they didn't touch her without asking. In Sainsburys the other day she was in her car seat on top of a trolley and while we were unloading the trolley the checkout manager or whatever she's called (wears the earphones) was leaning across her touching her. I was quite startled by the strength of the fury that rose up in me (but didn't say anything).

She now has a stinking cold that is causing her a lot of distress and stopping her sleeping. OK she could have picked it up anywhere and probably didn't get it at Sainsurys but another reason for not having complete strangers touching your baby

Report
Ooopsydaisy · 01/05/2007 10:23

NineUnlikelyTales : very sensible point!

Report
Spidermama · 01/05/2007 10:23

Kerry I don't think expat was being cruel.

It sounds like you had a very frightening and traumatic time and it appears from this thread that you've been left with some slightly obsessive behaviour. Quite understandable considering what you've been through.

It may well be helpful and you may find you'd be better able to relax and let go of some of the struggle if you were able to work on the feelings which have been left inside you after the horror of what you and your baby went through.

Counselling could help with this.

Report
KerryMum · 01/05/2007 10:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

franca70 · 01/05/2007 10:24

well I suppose that Kerry's horrible experience has made her particularly careful, and I understand where she is coming from.
But yes, I don't think people touching babies can be harmful. or stopping to exchange a few amenities with the old lady admiring you little one.

Report
Ooopsydaisy · 01/05/2007 10:24

Kerry mum, so sorry to hear about your baby but please....

Report
noddyholder · 01/05/2007 10:24

Kerry I think what we are all getting at is that the idea of society and extended family is becoming eroded by attitudes like yours and at the end of the day you give birth to your children but don't own them and it is a shame you don't see them as part of that bigger picture.No one is doubting it is horrible to have a sick child

Report
KerryMum · 01/05/2007 10:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Manictigger · 01/05/2007 10:25

If drunken tramps wanted to touch my baby I might be a bit worried but so far only lovely old or middle-aged ladies have ever wanted to touch my baby. And I've never had so many smiles from or conversations with strangers as I've had since having a baby and I find it all rather lovely If it's cheered up someone else's day even better so, with the drunken tramp exception, I think you are being a bit miserable, if not unreasonable.

Report
WanderingTrolley · 01/05/2007 10:25

Kerry I think your experiences with your son have blurred your perception a little. When someone particularly unsavoury has wanted to touch a baby in my care I've usually gently pushed their hand away and said she's afraid of strangers/he's not very well, youdon't want to catch it etc.

Next time I want to prod a strange baby I will halt its mother in the street, smother my hands and arms in anti bac gel and don a zoot suit, before spraying the pram, parent and pavement in Dettox. Just in case.

Report
expatinscotland · 01/05/2007 10:26

Rhinoviruses are airborne, folks!

That's why colds are so contagious.

You get them from breathing!

Ditto influenza.

A person can sneeze on the street, and you walk right through the cloud they left, inhale, and can potentially catch influenza.

Report
KerryMum · 01/05/2007 10:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

niceglasses · 01/05/2007 10:26

I don't think anyone would blame you after what seems like a worrying time, but I still think you need to re-adjust to a 'normal' life now your child is better. Pple do want to touch young children - its an instinct.And anyway, I don't think the OP had a sick child.

Report
nailpolish · 01/05/2007 10:26

Keryy we all understand that you are frightened by this

but you will have to ease up a bit as your children get older

i found my dd raking in a park bin the other day and now she has a stinking cold

but its part of life im afraid

Report
oliveoil · 01/05/2007 10:27

dd2 eats mud in the park. The park that dogs shit in

what can you do, she wants to pick daisys

Report
Ooopsydaisy · 01/05/2007 10:28

Alehoop! everyone get your suntan cream on and let's go and enjoy the loooovely sun with your babies! They need the vitamin D!

Ciao!

Report
KerryMum · 01/05/2007 10:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

franca70 · 01/05/2007 10:28

where do you all live? nobody has never stopped me when dc weere little. Maybe they weren't as cute as I thought they were?

Report
nailpolish · 01/05/2007 10:28

and er, the michael jackson remark was a joke

Report
Spidermama · 01/05/2007 10:29

I remember a woman in the supermarket and she just lit up when she saw my toddler with his chunky pink legs dangling through as he sat in the trolley. She went to him then stopped herself and looked at me nervously before shuffling away.

That woman really, really wanted to give his fat pink legs a squeeze. Utterly natural, totally lovely. It's a loving, welcoming gesture which he was denied because this woman had felt too nervous to follow her instinct.

I nearly said, 'Go on. Feel free. Have a squeeze.' but the moment had gone.

Report

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

expatinscotland · 01/05/2007 10:29

I think you need counselling, Kerry, because you seem to have a very irrational fear of contagions coming into contact with your child and experience extreme anger in reaction to banal occurances.

Which is quite understandable and natural after your experience.

And a professional can work with you on this so you can enjoy your life and your child's life better.

Report
niceglasses · 01/05/2007 10:30

You'd die up here - not only to they touch babies, but they put money (usually silver coin) in the pram, usually touching the hand as they go - a sort of good luck thing.

I always quite liked it - grab the money, and off for a nice designer coffee..........yum.

Report
expatinscotland · 01/05/2007 10:31

Up here, too, NG!

But I kept all the money and put it in their banks.

Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.