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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be OVER fussy eaters

96 replies

vwlphb · 08/02/2018 04:50

Both my kids (3yo and 5yo) are fussy eaters. So is my OH. The kids weren’t always bad, they used to eat anything. Through toddler years they became more and more fussy and now dinner is one long constant parade of “I don’t like that” “I’m not hungry” EVEN when I cook things they have actually requested. I can barely get a vegetable into every either of them.

I have tried everything from nonchalance to “just try a bite and if you don’t like it, leave it” to saying nothing, to making dessert contingent on making a decent effort at dinner. Nothing works. Half the time they take two or three mouthfuls, claim not to be hungry and leave the rest.

They are not overfed and my girl in particular is a rake (admittedly similar body to me as a kid). I’m at the point where I feel like not bothering to spend half an hour every day preparing healthy, home-made dinners that might possibly appeal to them.

As a separate issue, my OH and I eat separately (involving cooking a second meal) partly because of his work and kids bedtime timetables and partly because of the minimal crossover between what they will eat and what he will eat. His fusiness excludes all seafood, several meats, several vegetables, anything he deems to be “too fatty”, anything that’s insufficiently filling (eg not enough carbs or protein for his liking), and he won’t eat simple children-friendly meals as that is apparently too boring for him.

Because of aforementioned timetables, I cook most nights a week, and do all the meal planning and I’m starting to feel fucking fed up. I used to love cooking and eating and now I feel I do most of my cooking to cater to other people’s tastes and miss out on loads of things that I would like to eat.

AIBU to want to tell everyone to eat what I feel like eating or fend for themselves for the next month?

OP posts:
Shedmicehugh · 08/02/2018 08:06

Sod your husband he is a grown man!

Eat with the kids, make mealtime fun family time, let them help with the preparation, the cooking the setting the table, etc. Sit down and have a chat to them, fun stuff, how was your day etc. Make meal time a social affair!

Sarahjconnor · 08/02/2018 08:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Chugalug · 08/02/2018 08:08

What mice said..it's part of having kids ,you have to eat with them at mealtimes..it can't all be adult conversation and adult meals..

Original poster
vwlphb · 08/02/2018 08:09

I think your dh has to make more of an effort to eat normally. Fussiness is something he should have left in childhood.

I agree. I was fussy as a child and through a long process of trying new foods in different ways there’s nearly nothing I dislike now. OH completely disagrees and says there’s no way he can change.

I do give my kids a light afternoon snack and would be reluctant to eliminate it as my daughter is already so skinny and already moans constantly that she’s hungry between snack and dinner. And then won’t eat dinner!

I dream of the relaxed family dinners you describe.

OP posts:
beluga425 · 08/02/2018 08:12

Threads don't often make me annoyed, but I am feeling livid at the way your DH is behaving. How dare he!
Not sure if this will be helpful, but, I used to cook a separate meal for DD and then for myself and DH. She's never been ultra fussy, but would have kiddie food. When she was about 4.5ish, I started cooking just one meal because I was really busy. When she protested, I did the tiny meal thing and she'd have to eat it as she was hungry. I think we may have had a couple of meals that she didn't eat. What really worked though, was getting her to help. The first time, she chopped up mushrooms for a stew and did a bit of stirring and could not wait to eat it. She still picks sometimes, so we'll say just try a bit (a bit can be so small you can't really see it, or a lick as someone else said) She's 6 now and will eat almost anything.
As for your DH. You (and the kids) make a meal. When he gets in, he eats it or makes his own. How about you also have one day a week that he cooks for the kids.

Original poster
vwlphb · 08/02/2018 08:15

I think I’m going to have to shake up the whole family routine... put the kids to bed a bit later so I have time to cook and enjoy a decent family meal instead of running around doing chores and prep the next meal while they eat. OH will have to eat by himself when he gets home. Not exactly the family meal I’d like, but a bit better.

OP posts:
Shedmicehugh · 08/02/2018 08:15

What is a light snack? If they don’t have big appetites, it could be your downfall!

I’m starving, I’m hungry......are you brilliant, shall we start dinner a bit earlier tonight!

orangesticker · 08/02/2018 08:24

I always good something decent and eat with the kids, dh gets home much later exhausted and just wants something very quick - dinner heated up in the microwave. I also was a very fussy eater as a child but I learned to like most foods - took 10 years to develop a taste for blue cheese and finally cracked Brussel sprouts - fanfare. Fish is one of the few things I am still working on liking - I can eat it but I don't enjoy it.

orangesticker · 08/02/2018 08:26

I agree shed - when my kids tell me they are hungry, i always say they are really going to enjoy their dinner then!

Original poster
vwlphb · 08/02/2018 08:27

What is a light snack? If they don’t have big appetites, it could be your downfall!

A couple of rice crackers with a sliver of cheese between or a small cookie (size of the circle made by forefinger and thumb) and a few berries or chunk of apple or 3-4 orange segments? I don’t reckon that’s overdoing it after a busy school or nursery day.

OP posts:
Shedmicehugh · 08/02/2018 08:32

For tiny stomachs that probably quite a bit. Especially if they are not hungry come dinner time. Have they already lunch in nursery/school? How long to dinner after the snack?

mustbemad17 · 08/02/2018 08:36

My DD isn't so fussy anymore but i have found that if she snacks after school getting her to eat her dinner is hard work. She gets home at 3.30 & we eat at about 4.30, so she is hungry at dinner time. I'd wipe out the snacks for a week tbh, they won't starve.

I agree with pp about not feeding your DH. One meal for you guys, no fuss or moaning from anyone allowed. They eat it or they don't. I'd also get rid of treat desserts & just have fruit available.

ShowMeTheElf · 08/02/2018 08:41

I think that you giving up your favourite foods may also be an issue: Lord knows I'd resent never being able to have a bit of fish occasionally!
Are their meals that you can switch about easily: for example, a bed of pea and ham risotto or whatever which everyone likes topped with different things: your H can have a chicken breast, you can have a fillet of fish, kids can have a bit of whatever from a small choice on the table etc. Not necessarily more work for you but a degree of control for each of them?
I used to do the same with pasta and rice dishes as even though they weren't particularly fussy, there were a lot of us so preferences did come into it a lot. I did find that simple 'kid friendly' food wasn't actually what they liked best a lot of the time so limiting the choices by meat type etc wasn't making my life easier.

Original poster
vwlphb · 08/02/2018 08:43

They eat a light lunch in school/nursery (sandwiches/fruit/yoghurt... not a hot summer) and get home a little after 3pm. Snack by 3.30pm, dinner at 5.30pm, then bath and bed by 7pm.

OP posts:
k2p2k2tog · 08/02/2018 08:43

Well we know where the kids get it from

Absolutely! Kids model adult behaviour, that's not a scientific revelation. They see Daddy being fussy, turning his nose up, cooking separately because he doesn't want what Mummy's eating and they assume this is the way you behave.

Tell your DH to grow up and start cooking family meals. I don't particularly believe in having to clear your plate or forcing children to eat meals they clearly detest but I do agree with everyone sitting down and eating together, or at least having the same meal at different times if someone's in later.

ReanimatedSGB · 08/02/2018 08:45

Definitely stop cooking for your H. It sounds like you've got a man who simply thinks that he matters more than you (because he 'works' or because he has a penis) and who is not going to put himself out for either your benefit or the DC. So it's time to stop putting yourself out just for his benefit. He can either pull his weight or fuck off (and it may well turn out to be the latter - selfish, sexist men rarely consider women, or try to change.)

Original poster
vwlphb · 08/02/2018 08:46

Supper!!

OP posts:
TheVastMajority · 08/02/2018 08:47

A lovely lady I know, who is a foster parent, dealt with a fuss pot as follows:

SHe was cooking normal healthy family meals. CHild was fussing and moaning. Foster Mum asked what child DID want for tea. CHild said chicken nuggets.

So for the next 10 days, foster mum served chicken nuggets. EVery night. SHe and her husband continued to eat normal family meals. Child was served chicken nuggets. On day 10, child asked if she could have roast dinner. Next night asked for whatever they were eating.
Thereafter never asked for nuggets again.

Maybe an option for your fussy OH - Make a big batch of whatever he will eat. Divide in portions. Serve the same thing every night while you have something you like, with the kids or seperate.

Kids can eat or not eat, just don't make this your battle ground. Food control is a very common tactic in kids.

Id also look, given their age, at swapping their lunch/tea around, if thats feasible. SO having a cooked (reheated?) meal at lunchtime and a lighter tea of sandwiches or soup.

ShowMeTheElf · 08/02/2018 08:49

are there meals, not are their meals ffs!

Original poster
vwlphb · 08/02/2018 08:50

It sounds like you've got a man who simply thinks that he matters more than you (because he 'works' or because he has a penis)

Maybe the latter... I work nearly as much as he does and often out-earn him hour-for-hour.

OP posts:
TuckMyWin · 08/02/2018 08:51

I agree with eating with the kids. And play the long game. My eldest was horrifically fussy as a 2 year old. Mainly because he ate 5 days a week with the childminder and she gave him what he wanted, and then he'd eat earlier than us at weekends too. My husband works from home, and when I was on mat leave with my second child we started all eating together at 5. To begin with he basically ate pasta in various forms and not a lot else. So I started introducing foods in with the pasta. And calling things pasta that weren't quite (e.g. Tomato rice) - he was still just young enough for me to get away with this. I'd cajole him into eating one bit of what was on the plate - even if it was the tiniest bite - and leave it at that. He was always allowed unlimited fruit afterwards, and I tried to put something on the plate I knew he would eat. Then the next week, the same meal again. And so on. Roast dinner took about 5 months before he'd eat it all and I'm not going to lie at times it was soul destroying throwing away whole plates of food, but it worked, and now at 3 1/2, although there are some things he doesn't like, which is fair enough, and he's reluctant to try new things, I don't think I could describe him as fussy.

Blackteadrinker77 · 08/02/2018 08:51

Cut out the snacks

Eat as a family, be their role model.

Original poster
vwlphb · 08/02/2018 08:52

Great suggestions @TheVastMajority, thank you.

OP posts:
NataliaOsipova · 08/02/2018 08:52

I do the shopping and the cooking which means I do the choosing.

Yep! I cook two meals every weeknight as DH is often home too late to eat with the DC. I'm a SAHM; have no problem with that.

BUT - kids eat the same thing and they eat what they're given. If they really don't like it having had a reasonable try, I might allow toast and fruit, but I refuse to cook two separate things for them. And DH eats what he's given. Whether that's a full roast with all the trimmings or a ready meal. (And, in fairness to him, he does so with thanks for the former and without complaint if it's the latter).

No way should you put up with this....

CynthiaRothrock · 08/02/2018 08:56

My oh was extremely fussy had a list of what he wouldnt eat longer than the list of things he would. Children tried it too. I got sick of eating crap of cooking 4 seperate meals and started cooking what i wanted... pies with veg in/ steak with veg/ one pot dishes with veg etc... served it up and.fist couple of weeks had lots of waste and miserable faces but i stuck to my guns...dont like it tough either you go cook/ shop/ meal plan and cook seperate meals for every one or pick the bits out you dont like and get on with it. All of them now eat a variety. Yes there are thjngs they genuinely dont like but i can live with that. Be persistant op x