If you had a friend who described the following in her relationship, what would be your response?
Her husband has mood swings- is very kind and loving and affectionate one moment then shouts and swears and screams in her face (and the childrens) the next.
He calls her stupid, cow etc when she makes a mistake or does something wrong eg taking car to the wrong garage, spending too much money on clothes. He also treats the children the same way- screaming at them if they accidentally interrupt a conversation or talk too much (youngest DD struggles with boundaries and does not know whe to be quiet etc so gets shouted at a lot)
This couple have a lot of mutual friends- if he falls out with one of the friends or with her family, he bans her from seeing them and tells her he will leave her if she sees them. He has threatened to take the kids away from her. He has threatened to kill her. in front of the kids. she and the children arfe very frightened of making him angry.
BUT.....here is the thing....when he is not angry he can be lovely and kind. He provides well for her and the two girls with a nice home and holidays abroad and often tells his daughters they are besutiful and pretty. (Only if he annoyed with them he calls them fat or stupid etc) but he does npt do this every day. In facts, months can go on and he behaves just fine. And sometimes he will apologise to her or the kids after his outbursts. So this is not abuse, exactly. I do not think it is normal either though. She seems vey scared of making a mistake but also she ells me she loves him and he gives her a good life. I have known this family quite some time and the kids when they were little seemed quite affectionate with their father but now they seem nervous of him at times? Only when he is in a mood though, the rest of the time they seem like normal kids.
She tells me he often puts her down and the kids too and if she doesn't want to sleep with him because she is tired etc he sometimes gets angry and guilt trips her. When she tell sme this i do not know what to say? I am unmarried myself and have no experience of what i snormal in a marriage or not? maybe marriage counselling would help?