FUMING: To not want dd sleeping in dirty sheets

[Brokentopieces]

Dd8 stays in her dads for a night every couple of weeks. There’s being an ongoing issue with dogs in her bed which makes me feel sick. The 2 dogs always seem to be in her room (according to dd) and I’ve seen them myself on her windowsill when collecting her one day. The bigger dog staff terrier can open her door.
I’ve previously asked her dad to fix the door as she was coming home with a rash when she stayed there, he told me he had.
Last weekend dd came home saying when she woke up the dog was in bed beside her. This makes me feel so uneasy due to the complete lack of hygiene and safety issue. I have to admit I don’t like dogs but surely a child shouldn’t be sleeping with a dog. Her Dad’s house wouldn’t be considered clean and his hygiene standards are vile and he sends her home filthy with clothes I provide destroyed.
I tried to text him about it to say dd mentioned the dogs got in so maybe the handle is loose and all I get is attitude.
Dd loves the dog in fairness but AIBU?

I wonder if your dd is trying to appease both her parents? She may agree with you that she doesn't like the dogs in her bed but agree with her dad that she loves the dogs and doesn't mind?

I'm not sure what the answer is but I was a child that was continuously grilled about visits to each of my divorced parents and had to listen to them criticise each other and it was horrible, as if I had to pick a side.

i wouldn’t be happy with a staffy sleeping on any child’s bed. They are hugely unpritictable ,no more unpritictable than any other dog, infact staffies are often called ‘nanny dogs’ because they are so good with children. My Staffie won’t leave my daughters side when she’s ill and will sleep with her, never has she growled or showed any aggression towards my dd.

I’m not sure what the hygiene issues are with sleeping with a dog? I grew up sleeping with the family dog and never caught anything from it. I now sleep with my cat (who sleeps under the covers).

I have 2 dogs and two children 5&2 they are not allowed to sleep with the children. I trust my dogs but I would never forgive myself if anything happened. If they want to cuddle them they can downstairs. The dogs also malt and I wouldn't like dog hair in my bed or theirs.

Here we go with the staffy hating 🙄

My dog wasn't allowed to sleep in my room when I was a child but he was allowed to come up when it was time for me to get up. I would wake up with his nose half an inch from mine and as soon as I opened my eyes he would go mad with excitement although he would sit quietly until I opened my eyes. I think you have to accept your daughter feels differently to you about dogs. My mother had the same dilemma.

Dogs should not sleep in beds or on sofas or chairs. Dogs can stay on the floor or in their own beds. They are not people and shouldn't be treated as people. Stop sending her. Your ex and his dogs and poor hygiene will be the least of your problems if one of the dogs takes a chunk out of her.

You mention the lack of personal care which is fair enough but you also mentioned that she stays at her fathers only one night every two weeks - I think you're being a bit precious freaking out over unbrushed hair and teeth once a fortnight.

Steeley Just what I was thinking. I have never had a Staffy, but they can be (I say "can be" because all breeds have aberrations) be completely gorgeous. I have friends with rescue Staffies, and they are as sweet as anything. Dogs are individuals, just as humans are. We had Labs when I was a child. They slept in our beds. The ones whom we weren't sleeping with woke us up by jumping on our beds and licking the insides of our mouths (sorry, OP). We all survived... I think there are bigger issues here than dogs, really!

Stop sending her I think that’s a bit OTT, she stays once every couple of weeks, I’m sure if she wasn’t happy about sleeping with dogs she would make that clear to her father? I think OP is just looking for things to moan about. A untidy house and a day without having her brushed isn’t going to kill her. My dd comes home from her dads looking like she’s been dragged through a hedge backwards, he hasn’t got a clue how to brush her hair and can’t be bothered to wash her face, it takes me a few minutes to sort out once she’s home, she always seems happy and says she had a good time.

I think the dogs are the least of your worries here OP.

Aside from the dogs, would a sleeping bag work if she takes it to and from his or at least rolls it up and puts it away each visit so it doesn't get so dirty?

I was born and raised in London and each school holiday I would be packed off to see my dad in Somerset.
I came home with mumps, ringworm, stitches from where the pet Poodle bit me, bags of sweets and filthy clothes - I had an absolute whale of a time and missed him tremendously on my return.

YANBU op that would do my head in. Dogs are lovely but putting safety issues aside, from a hygiene viewpoint I would not have them in bed. Your ex needs to fix that door and if I were in your shoes I would say your dd isn't staying there until he does.

Dogs should not sleep in beds or on sofas or chairs.

Is that fact or opinion?! I've reached the age of 46 having all my dogs sleep in my bed and I'm not dead of dog disease yet.

I agree I think you have a useless twat of an ex problem not a furry friend problem. Although I understand your concerns about the dogs. I also have an awfully awkward twatty ex so I sympathise. Good luck!

The dogs aren't the big issue the fact u would allow ure daughter to stay in such filth is not right u have to put foot down until he cleans his house n can learn to care for daughters basic hygiene needs he's not seeing her I would not want my daughter living in filth cause I don't know how to approach it just put a stop to it u have a genuine reason here help him if he needs it

Putting the dog to one side for a minute, how is she coming back dirty and smelly after a couple of days and how are her clothes destroyed?

Bravo but surely non of those things were fundamental to you having a lovely time?! Unless there was something especially great about stitches, mumps and ringworm? It's perfectly possible to have a good time without a rash and ruined clothes . Or a fungus living on you!

I don't think people should be focusing on the dog aspect, the aspect of the fact that her dad sounds like an utterly neglectful sod is more important here..

What I don't understand about these situations is - If it was the mother doing the same as the father...Not doing DDs hair or teeth, not feeding her enough, living in filth with destroyed clothes, then it would not be accepted, so why are these useless men being allowed to get away with it?

I love dogs! 😍. I won’t allow them upstairs though. YANBU. Tell ex to get it sorted. There is no need for dogs to be sleeping in Hunan beds. There are a myriad of dog beds available.

• human obvs... 🙄

How are her clothes destroyed?

I wouldnt care about the dog in bed from a cleanliness point of view but I’d be concerned for her safety.

You can't win with this OP... people will say it's fine and you are being UR but then if you came on here saying the dog had hurt her you would be crucified for leaving her in that situation... the beauty of MN I'm afraid

I watch my dog eat shit, rummage in a dead badger carcass , lick his arse and other dogs balls. I love him but no. Dogs don’t belong in beds.

Exactly. How anyone is happy to have a dog in their bed (let along their home) revolts me.

But, I think the biggest issue here is a BIG STAFFORDSHIRE TERRIER alone with a young child. She's defenceless against such a beast.
OP, I'd collect some info on dangerous dogs attacking children and not let her in that house. No way I'd risk it.