To be struggling with school uniform costs

[pizzatuesdays]

DD managed to get mud all over her blazer and skirt.

I just can't afford to get them cleaned. So i sent her in without the blazer and a note. She has been put in isolation tomorrow.

I am really sick of it. AIBU?

Might be worth having a backup uniform for the times when it needs washed.

wrenika if the OP cannot afford a trip to the launderette at the moment, I seriously doubt she will be able to afford a second blazer just in case. The one my DS has to wear (state school) cost me seventy-four bloody quid.

OP, I totally understand your predicament. My DS's school is pretty harsh on uniform infractions, and "not having the money" doesn't soften their hearts at all, because they don't really want low-income children to go there anyway. I hope you DD isn't too upset.

So i have to handwash them and in winter they take 3 days to dry.

I hang mine up in a warm bathroom over a hanger. They dont take 3 days or they'd smell damp.

I'd be very annoyed after sending a note in too, and the punishment is ridiculous. YANBU.

Can I honestly recommend you get in touch with the school and ask to speak with student services (or equivalent, every school calls them something slightly different) and have an honest chat with them about how you are struggling financially, in confidence? DD doesn't even need to know you've done it, but you'd be surprised how many things schools can do to help out when they know, things like washing uniform right through to financial support for extra curricular stuff e.g. Sports/music lessons are all known to be done in schools I've been involved with.

In relation to the isolation of your daughter, no it wasn't fair or proper punishment, however from the schools perspective they have to be seen to do the same for everyone. On any given day a school will have multiple 'notes from parents' to explain situations where school rules/expectations are not being met, a fair number of those notes will have been forged by the student. The school needs to double check ever note for authenticity or not accept them universally in order to be seen to be fair. I am confident that if you had either rang in or gone in personally the school would have worked with you and you DD to find a blazer for the day(s) needed and none of the other students would have been any the wiser. It's horrible that young people can't be trusted by sadly is a reflection of a dishonest society.

Hi op- I agree that you do come across as being difficult.
Your thread was not really about punishment imo, it was about having a dirty blazer and that's why so many people offered advice on how to wash it.

I'm sorry but I am in your shoes too- frequently, not enough money until x day,
But- I would try damn hard to borrow the money for the cleaning. Have you exhausted all avenues?

You could have kept dd off school ( not saying this is right. I wouldn't either ) but you didn't.
I think the school are being overly harsh here but unless you explain your situation properly they may not understand that this is a funding issue.

I agree with detentions for punishment but this seems like a total accident and one you can't rectify for some days.

So I presume that dd will be going to school again tomorrow with a blazer? Will that mean another detention?

I'm sure you are aware of how MN works so I won't patronise you but you must expect to hear things that you don't always like or agree with.
The absolute majority of people want to help and offer advice.

It's hard when the op sounds so bloody defensive though, please try and do something with the blazer because it may end up completely ruined and stinking if you leave it.
As an aside, if your dd " fell in a pond " she really needs to avoid the area again if possible so this doesn't happen again.

As for the punishment OP, phone the school tell them you feel your daughters education is being unfairly disrupted by her being placed in isolation for something that is out of her control and that they can either lend her a spare blazer or allow her to go to class without one but either way she will not be spending the day in isolation. Then write her a note/email saying the same (so you have evidence). If needs be, and you are able to get to school, take the blazer in and show them why she can't wear it.

3 days to dry a bra?? What are they made of? Is your house very damp helena?

You need to go in and talk to the school about your circumstances. They may have spare uniform they can give you or you can buy cheaply secondhand, for example. I would, even if it is embarrassing, because it's not fair on your DD to get punished for something beyond her control.

I live in social housing the bathroom is quite cold.

Thank you.

We have spares of everything except the blazer.

I doubt they'd care about finances!

Efficiency I am sorry. I adore DD, I love all my children more than i can explain but I am not getting into debt for her bloody blazer!

If you struggle to afford to heat your home, it might take 3 days to dry a bra.

God, this thread is awful

I'm sorry @Pizza. I'm sure had she been ABLE to clean the blazer without having to pay for a dry cleaner out of an already tight budget when she gets paid, she would! That alone is common sense.

I'd definitely call the school to explain. That punishment is ridiculous.

Just looking at our local secondary school,they have the same policy of loaning if kids have a parent note.
Seriously complain properly to the school.

OP Am I being unreasonable to be struggling with school uniform costs?
Most people Here's a way to avoid the cost of cleaning...
OP But it was a pooooond. And unfair.

Do you want money, OP?

Crochet I think your reading of the thread is not really very accurate.

If i wanted money I'd invent twins and a broken boiler and freezer. As it is I get paid Thursday we have food and we are warm and we have each other. So I count myself rich. You however are a poor poor thing.

I'm all for school uniform but this kind of heavy handed response is just insane. Schools should be aware than many of their parents can't just magic up a spare blazer overnight. Whether it's cost (ours are £35) or not being able to get to the school uniform shop before it closes at 5pm it comes to the same thing. And who on earth has a spare blazer at home?
YANBU
I'd escalate it.

What a lot of horrible replies on this thread. I hope you all enjoyed patronising the OP

I think it is really harsh of the school to do this. I too think you are effectively punished for being poor.

I would complain to the school that their punishment is out of proportion.

Thank you vice and humphrey

What do you mean you doubt they'd care about finances?

So you didn't tell them you couldn't afford it, simply she will be in correct uniform after half term? That's why she's being punished then.

Put a stop to that, don't let her take the punishment. It was an accident she fell and it's not her fault you can't afford it. So don't let her take the punishment to avoid your. embarrassment. That's not fair.

Wrenika why do you think it's acceptable to punish a child because her parents are struggling financially? Regardless of how 'brief' the punishment.

Op I did not in any way suggest you do not love your child ( or all of your children as you say )

I merely said that I would try and borrow the money for dry cleaning the blazer.
Your reply- there's no way you would get into debt over a blazer.

I'm at a loss. Re- read your op- it was about uniform.

Anyway I'm sure you will get some offers of dry cleaning money soon. Sorry but that's how you're coming across. Answer for everything.

OP, I would be livid because you have sent in a note and they are disrespecting your explanation as a parent.

I would call the school in the morning. Surely they have a spare blazer in lost property somewhere that never got claimed? If they are unhelpful and indicate that they will put your DD in isolation again, then tell them you are unable to send her in.

As for the punishment OP, phone the school tell them you feel your daughters education is being unfairly disrupted by her being placed in isolation for something that is out of her control and that they can either lend her a spare blazer or allow her to go to class without one but either way she will not be spending the day in isolation. Then write her a note/email saying the same
Students in isolation in every school I have worked in have work provided.
Equally, don't go and tell the school she will not be in isolation. (See also you tell the school that your DC will br allowed ti do x y z... you tell the school your child will not be doing at detention )

I hate reading advice like this because it is poor advice and doesn't help parents resolve situations. (And it's especially ineffective if you're dealing with an unreasonable school because I work in a nice school with great parental relations and we would be if someone told us what would/wouldn't be happening on site. A more unreasonable school that apppriach would get you absolutely nowhere)

The OP needs to speak to the school again and be asking about solutions and querying their procedures for struggling families and how they deal with social inequality when they chose ti have such an inflexible rule with no support.